Heavy thoughts for an early morning. *Trigger Warning*

[Dee Marshall]

I want you all to understand, first off, that I'm not looking for solutions, just emotional support. All you trans guys and incompletely socialized trans gals, let's not try to fix things.... Well, that attempt to lighten the mood fell flat.

I also want you to be aware that this is about my reaction to a friend's situation, not the situation itself.

For quite a few years I've known a trans woman. I knew her long before she came out to me, or, for that matter, before I came out to myself.

She's been occasionally counting down something on Facebook, but wouldn't explain. Two days ago, just about this time in the morning she told me.

I thought long and hard about talking about this with you, mostly it's her business and I don't actually know if she posts or lurks here and certainly don't want to offend her. I readily and gladly take on the burden of trying to help her work it out, but the situation is so weighty that I need you to support me as I help her with her burden.

The countdown is days and, currently, there are on the order of 250 of them left. She is having difficulties getting her medical transition started due to life and medical issues. She tells me that, when the countdown runs out, if she's not at least started HRT, she's going to "disappear". I did get her to promise to check in weekly. This will allow me to suggest things to her, try to help her not to despair and, honestly, given my horrible lack of sense of the passage of time, not lose track.

At least there's time to save her, but all I can really do is help her save herself. I understand where she's coming from. I've set deadlines like that a time or two also.

Deadlines. Not a happy word when returned to its basest meaning.

I'm still at odds with myself about whether, when someone resolves to "disappear", it's appropriate to interfere and under what circumstances. I know that, if she does, I, and her roommate, who's Ace, but loves her anyway, will be devastated.

So, you see, this post, ultimately, is all about me.

[Cindy]

Dee,

There is a great difference between empathy and sympathy.

Your friend's decision is in the end, hers. I hope she chooses the path that may bring her happiness and not oblivion. But we are not and never can be responsible for each other, we own shoulders that our friends can lean on, and arms that can hug them.

And hands to wipe away tears.

When we ourselves are fragile - we can sympathise and place ourselves in a place we need not be. We walk our own path, face our own horror, and try in some way to deal with empathy.

But we are not them.

Be there for her, but do not be her.

Cindy

[Mariah]

Cindy is totally right and it is her decision. She needs therapy. It's the only way. I was stuck in a similar boat 3 years ago so I know how it goes and seeing another relative transition while I couldn't wasn't easy at all. Hugs
Mariah

[Dee Marshall]

She knows she needs therapy. Not being able to get it, especially to get that all important letter, is why she's in this shape. Where she lives is so messed up! She says her county mental health doesn't make appointments. You have to sit all day and hope they fit you in. A Red State, you see. I know it's her decision, and I won't interfere beyond the fact that she asked me to help her figure out a way out of this spot. Well, that and encouragement. Blast it! I trained for this, but haven't finished and even if I had, I wouldn't be allowed to take on a patient who I had a personal relationship with. I have to finish that degree so that, even if I can't help her, I can help the next one.

That does give me a thought though. Her roommate's mother is a professor at a university near them that has a PsyD program. Perhaps they have a clinic.

Oh, and thank you for adding the trigger warning I forgot, Cindy.

[Mariah]

Dee, I actually added it, but the credit doesn't matter. When I read the post it reminds me of my being at one point and another good friend who can't because of health condition that will never likely get to a position where she can. Your being there as a supportive friend is all you can do, but the idea you thought of actually sounds like a great one. I would look into it before mentioning it too her. Hugs
Mariah

She knows she needs therapy. Not being able to get it, especially to get that all important letter, is why she's in this shape. Where she lives is so messed up! She says her county mental health doesn't make appointments. You have to sit all day and hope they fit you in. A Red State, you see. I know it's her decision, and I won't interfere beyond the fact that she asked me to help her figure out a way out of this spot. Well, that and encouragement. Blast it! I trained for this, but haven't finished and even if I had, I wouldn't be allowed to take on a patient who I had a personal relationship with. I have to finish that degree so that, even if I can't help her, I can help the next one.

That does give me a thought though. Her roommate's mother is a professor at a university near them that has a PsyD program. Perhaps they have a clinic.

Oh, and thank you for adding the trigger warning I forgot, Cindy.

[Dee Marshall]

I intended to. I know that people having issues can be demotivated to even look for solutions. I don't want to get her hopes up, either.