*
The euphoria of my employment paper changes was amazing. Social Security Administration accepted my file change to my new name as Sharon and as female (September 1978); my state affirmed me female under my new name and issued my new MVD licence (Spring 1980). Employed as a male by the federal government (1977 – 1985), I continued using my male predecessor name; I was not ready to work as my female self. My employing agency learned of my sex change on paper when my name appeared on Social Security's discrepancy list.
I over-heard my supervisor talking about me to another supervisor – 'He's a she.' 'No, she's a he.' – when I passed her office one day (1979). My employing agency made no issue of this directly to me. I prepared a letter to submit to my supervisor for just-in-case purposes. That would not be necessary; the agency selected me for promotion and transfer to the new Utah office (October 1980). Was it because my current supervisor wanted to pass my presence to another office or did I truly earn it?
My transition at my new assignment and location continued my 'Victor / Victoria' era – I am female working as male living as a woman pretending to be a man. Employment security diminished as agency management at my new office saw my female identification on the SSA discrepancy list and acted.
The first supervisor disguised a 'date' as an invitation to me for dinner and an evening at his home (December 1980). Who did he think I was: female (according to my SSA file) or male (as I presented myself)? Did he think I was Lesbian living as a male? What were his true expectations and intentions? These were questions left un-answered.
My male presenting declined into failure beginning 1983 and led to the second supervisor proving the danger to my livelihood. She called me to her office one day; she told me, 'I know you are a female. We can't have you working here as a male.' She directly threatened to fire me because I am a transsexual. She exposed my private medical information throughout the office. I began hearing those familiar 'She's a he' whispers from several people at this new office; I heard far worse words from many others though no one ever had the indecency to actually speak them to my face.
I feared my supervisor's threat; it was real. My regret was that I did not return to work the next day as Sharon / female, walk directly to her at her office, and inform her, 'Here I am. I will be from now on working as who I am – as Sharon – as female.' It would have been the best opportunity. She could no longer accuse me of being a female working there as a male. My full change was valid: SSA recorded me as female (1978), my state legally affirmed me female (1980), and my operations finalised my female anatomy (1982, 1983). Why was I still waiting in 1983? Fear. That is my lesson learned.
I did not come 'out' where I was employed, but I'm certain that my changes must have been noticeable during my physiological transition from male to female. I continued growing my hair shoulder length and got occasional female-styled perms by my friend who taught cosmetology at the nearby community college. Clearly recognised was my increasing absence of body hair and facial hair. I basically ditched my male attire and replaced it with uni-sex female attire. The only clothing that could be identified as male were my business office shirts - required while I worked at my employer's personnel department while still presenting there as male. Denim pants / jeans are part of the official federal agency uniform so I wore my women's wear jeans every day.
I learned to co-ordinate my male office shirt with a matching female sweater / vest / pull-over and sox as I progressed through feminisation though still presenting as male at work during my transitioning to female. Looking back, this attire surely must have begun up-setting my employment surroundings - mostly when I really went full steam ahead at my subsequent Utah office location. Looking back, I was oblivious to what I might have been doing. There are some pull-over sweaters that I wore to accessorise with my male office shirt that I see nowadays are very clearly quite feminine; I wonder how I presented as male at work. Among my favourite is an off-white sweater with soft blue pastel highlights. I look at that now and wonder; I had moxie wearing that at work expecting others to accept my presence as male especially by 1983, 1984, and definitely 1985. They didn't; some who did not know me at our large office building addressed me as female.
People at work already suspected my female status through cruel gossip; working there as Sharon would have changed that gossip in short order. My immediate co-worker saw my devolving physical changes every day for four years yet apparently did not fully perceive them until we chatted at her home one evening after work (1985). It was just another visit. She suddenly asked why I had no facial hair, then looked at my arms and hands and asked why I had no body hair. I had only one other supporter at work who did not question my presence - it was clearly kaput by 1985.
Meanwhile, my employer's action to fire me as a transsexual persisted through the administrative process those two years; I eventually resigned (1985). I then went through the Un-employment Insurance process; UI agreed that my employer conducted an 'intolerable work environment' against me.
While my federal agency was firing me as a transsexual, I learned they were accepting another M-F transsexual employee at another location. Go figure.
*
