Coming to Terms with being Trans as a Christian

[AudreyMichelle]

Hi, everyone. I just recently decided that I need to deal with the fact that I'm trans. I'm also a Christian. I have a real hard time reconciling these two especially when I feel like I'm abandoning who God created me to be. Can any of you share any words of wisdom on what it's like to come to terms with the fact you are trans as a Christian?

[HoneyStrums]

who you are, is not what you look like.
who you are, is not how you do things.
who you are, is not what your called.

who you are, is how you feel about those things and more.
who you are, is why you do things.

god loves who you are, and want who you are to be happy.

why would god have a problemb with anyone making changes so they can be happy?

[AudreyMichelle]

I don't necessarily disagree. But what about objective truth and God being the ultimate source of love and happiness? Is it a slap in the face to God to say that I need to live life as a woman to be happy?

[stephaniec]

(disclaimer: the following is my own personal belief system and in no way is meant to stir debate or to cause harm to any other belief system). I am trans. I have been trans since the day I was born if not since I was conceive from the love of my mother and father. God gave me life. God is absolute love . There is absolutely no love greater than Gods love. Christianity is about Gods only begotten son. I am a Christian and  Christ is my Lord who I shall forever love for eternity. God gave this world his only begotten son to fulfill the Contract that God made with Humanity. Christ is the fulfillment of Gods absolute love for what he created. Christ is Gods love. Christ was born to show Gods love. In no way would Christ deny his love for Gods creation. Christ is the absolute reflection of Creation. Absolutely in no uncertain terms would Christ being the reflection of the creators love turn his back on a single one of his sheep. Sadly the scripture has be distorted by some to deny Gods love. I am trans and I share in Gods love for his children through the love of my lord Jesus Christ.

[Eva Marie]

Audrey-

Being trans and being a follower of Christ are NOT mutually exclusive. There are many Christians in the transgender community.

Being transgender has its roots in our biology - it's who and what we were made of, by the Creator himself. He knows us very well because he made us for His purpose. We had absolutely no "choice" in the matter; its biological - as evidenced by transgender people experiencing a complete mental turnaround when given the hormones that correspond to their perceived gender identity.

To further illustrate my point - consider the eunuch which is as close to transgender as the bible gets - Matthew 19:12 tells us that eunuchs can be born that way, or can be made eunuchs by others (SRS?), and there are those that choose to live like eunuchs. In Isaiah 56 4:5 we are told that eunuchs receive a great reward in heaven when they have been faithful followers of Christ.

If the eunuch is given such obvious approval and high regard by God as evidenced by scripture - why should transgender people be any different?

The people that are condemning you on a biblical basis have a flawed understanding of scripture. There is entirely too much biblical judgment and cherry picking of verses going around and not enough love and compassion as Jesus taught.

I really believe that if Jesus showed up for church services these days a lot of churches would kick him out because he doesn't fit into their theology or culture.

[Yakayla]

Hun, there nothing wrong with you. For too long Christian leaders have used the word of God to push there own agenda and ideals. Woman have been considered second class citizens, non-believers branded as heretics, and homosexuals and transgenders as being immoral. But those leaders that have done this are the immoral ones. Christianity is not supposed to be about hate and persecution. It's supposed to be about love. Loving God, everyone around you, and yourself. As long as your a good person, God will know. Why would God make you this way, if He really thought it was a bad thing.

[Jacqueline]

Not trying to sound too deep but do we really think a powerful God that made the universe cares about behavior on that level? Is he/she worried that I want to be a woman but not that there have been any murders of transgender women this (or any) year? Too easy a phrase, sorry. I think God is just looking for more love among humans, not division and derision.

Much of what is quoted against our community are from Paul's letters(not all but most). Paul's letters had a lot of good advice but tended to be very rooted in advice for a very specific audience(each congregation he was writing to) and time period. I tend to go to more "truths" and quotes from Jesus himself. So a few other thoughts.

Very few accusatory, Christian leaders can accept differences in the norm. If you have faith in him, Jesus was not ever about the norm.

If God does care about gender in individuals, my thought is along these lines. Very few people ever look at how I (you, we) am changing for the better. They see me altering God's work. My question to you, others and myself. Has God been concerned that I (you, we) have altered myself from what he meant for me to be for this long?(my whole life) My potential true self.

If neither of those do it for you, lets go to Jesus' words and a description. As in, if you think you are sinning and altering God's plan and are a sinner...

Newsflash 1. All sin. No exclusions. No matter how mighty, rightous and ordained. It's part of being human. Transgender or not.

He did not hang out with the leaders of his church and say, "We are so cool and right. We can just tell people what to do and hang around the temple chilling". Nope, out with the lepers, the poor, the disabled, the prostitutes and the possessed(whatever connotation that means to you in this day and age-spirits, substances...).

At the risk of hand picking a few quotes. It is dangerous because nearly any quote in the Bible can be refuted in (you guessed it) the Bible. However, these don't really seem subject to interpretation. Plus they come from the last few books(New Testament) so that is the point the author was trying to make(sorry, couldn't resist).

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believed in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."- Not just the cis born Catholics, Presbyterians, Babtists... Okay, you get the point.

The most important rule says nothing about how we think of ourselves but of God and others.
"36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
-Hard to love others if you do not love yourself. How can you love yourself if you hate what you see and not what you really are?

Hope I was not too clever writing that or too flip. I also hope you find the clarity you are looking for.

With Warmth,

Joanna

[Lady Smith]

The problem with Christ's message as handed out by churches in the 21st century is that it barely resembles the original teaching anymore.  In paraphrase one of things Christ said is that you can tell whether a person's faith is the genuine article by observing what they do rather than what they say.  Going by that it's easy to see that many of the churches around today have seriously drifted off course.

In summary all of Christ's teaching can be summed up by Mark 12:30-31: -

(30) and thou shalt love the Lord thy God out of all thy heart, and out of thy soul, and out of all thine understanding, and out of all thy strength -- this [is] the first command;
(31) and the second [is] like [it], this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself; -- greater than these there is no other command.'

Young's Literal Translation (YLT)

It's not helped any by a good many modern translations of the Bible not being worth the paper they're written on.  As a point of information the word 'homosexual' doesn't exist in either Hebrew or Greek and the first time the word 'homosexual' actually appeared in an English translation was in 1956 when a translation 'expert' used the word in place of a Greek slang word coined by Paul in one of his letters which does not have that meaning at all.
Such mistakes are legion in many modern translations which is the reason why I stick to either Syriac manuscripts or literal Greek translations.

So in brief Audrey if you have a genuine love for God in your heart then you're in no matter what anyone says.

[Autrement]

What Jesus kept doing to show God's love? Miraculous therapies for lepers, blind people, crazy people, disabled. Doing so, he was correcting the way they had been created in the first place to now accomplish God's creation showing His love through the therapy.
Did the religious people of that time understand? Many of them did not, accusing Jesus to be linked to the devil, because he was not respecting the norm, the law, purity prescriptions... Because they did not believe God was love and caring about the poor, the excluded people, the sinners.
What did Jesus ask his disciples? To keep caring of the suffering people through more miracles and therapies.
Isn't gender dysphoria such a suffering? Couldn't we consider therapies as miracles sent by God today to express his love to gender dysphoric people?

Just seeing God as the creator of a "sacred" unchangeable nature is probably more pagan than christian. Seeing God's presence in cares and therapies which alleviate suffering and allow more life is probably a real way to follow Christ.


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[Deborah]

I was a Christian too and a pretty knowledgable one.  At one time I spent a couple of years studying at a seminary with the goal of becoming an Anglican priest. 

In the long run I was not able to reconcile the two things.  When I finally came to fully accept myself in the past year and after a long period of introspection I decided I had to face reality to live conflict free and have abandoned Christianity.  I just couldn't reconcile what it says with what I can see of the actual world anymore.

My being trans was the catalyst, but not the only reason for my coming to this eventual decision..  However, I do not think it is possible to reconcile being trans with any authentic version of biblical based Christianity.  The best you can do is invent something new that has the name but not the substance of historical Christianity.  If you can live with that and still believe in it then there are plenty of churches around that do just that.

For me, I'm not sure where I'll end up.  Right now I'm still kind of wavering between believing as an agnostic deist while leaning towards de facto atheism.  While I do still somewhat mourn my past belief I am much happier without the conflict of trying to live with a faith that cannot be reconciled with objective reality.


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[AudreyMichelle]

Not trying to sound too deep but do we really think a powerful God that made the universe cares about behavior on that level? Is he/she worried that I want to be a woman but not that there have been any murders of transgender women this (or any) year? Too easy a phrase, sorry. I think God is just looking for more love among humans, not division and derision.

Joanna, I'm asking some deep questions so I definitely appreciate all of the deep responses here. I guess in the end, what I'm going to have to resolve is the eventual choice of whether or not to transition. I 100% believe that God did not make a mistake in my creation (that I was a person born with a male body who believes she is female at the core). And yes, I believe the Bible is full of examples of Jesus showing who he was by miraculously correcting the perceived "mistakes" of creation and that fixing those mistakes is something he wants to see. To that end, I don't believe the desire to be a woman is necessarily a mistake or a bad thing. So I think i'm doing ok there.

The question for me comes down to the action. Far, far too often I play the game of, "What is the more Godly decision?" It's a terrible game to play when not faced with a moral dilemma. To answer Joanna's questions in a vacuum, no I do not believe God cares about behavior on that level. If I am truly seeking to love and please him, he will accept me and not hold my decision to transition against me. There are far, far bigger problems in the world. Stepping outside the vacuum is hard though. Is transition selfish and unloving to my wife? Would God rather me sacrifice myself for her sake when I know that my decision to physically become a woman would be devastating to her? The same goes for my family. Or, is the end game of devastation inevitable and would it be more loving to just do it now?

[BenKenobi]

There are always tests from God. Sometimes people themselves are the test. He is not only testing you but your loved ones. Can they support you unconditionally? Will they reject you?
Gender dysphoria is a real and crippling thing. How would God feel knowing that you're unnecessarily causing yourself pain? That could lead to a more dangerous path than simply transitioning. Self loathing leads to resentment of others.

[Autrement]

Audrey, maybe the decision is not between full transition or nothing. There might be a way, maybe to be tried first, to alleviate the dysphoria with low dose HRT. Several persons explain they do it since years, in this forum. This is what I am trying since 4 weeks.


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[Jacqueline]

Stepping outside the vacuum is hard though. Is transition selfish and unloving to my wife? Would God rather me sacrifice myself for her sake when I know that my decision to physically become a woman would be devastating to her? The same goes for my family. Or, is the end game of devastation inevitable and would it be more loving to just do it now?

Ah, yes. I know this one. Not the answer mind you but the question. I of course cannot answer for you. I am not sure that I have an answer for me yet but if you don't mind a few bits of sharing experience and maybe an additional thought:

I have asked myself if I shouldn't sacrifice for my wife and children.  I think one additional question I don't remember is if your wife knows. If so, how much do you see your marriage as a partnership. If so, what does she think? I am going to do a little bio to clarify why I asked that. Anyone who has read my posts may find some of this redundant, sorry.

I am 50 and was deep in denial or clueless till last January. I have been depressive, dark, moody, angry. My wife has been suggesting I try therapy for a few years. I finally agreed. I was an on again off again closeted cross dresser. I went to be "cured" and realized I did not fit the typical profile of a cross dresser. I did a lot of research, internal thought, recollection, self discovery and yes soul searching. So 3 months later I came out to my wife of 25 years as MTF.  A month or two ago when I spoke to my wife and said I thought I was being unfair to her and should stop. She then weighed in on her side. She explained that it isn't fair but little is. She said that she has been amazed at how different and positive I have been since coming out to her and admitting to myself.  Happier, getting over depression and rage much faster and not being bogged down in the darkness I have carried with me for years. She has seen the irony of the situation and knows I have seen it. That the situation and treatment of it's symptoms may make her feel she can no longer stay with me; however that treatment is helping me be a better,nicer, more fun person to be with... Playing it by ear. I am pre-HRT(just as a reference). She also said that she was very worried about where I would be by next year if I had not made this break through. She said that she did not know how far I needed to go but as part of the two in the couple she is not about to see me back slide to where I was.

I have not spoken to my children yet. I expect that will be a little awkward but I think they will be fine. Yes the rest of the family may be a challenge, but I have always been a challenge to them and they to me.

I am sorry if I am making this about me. I am just trying to share my experience, not for comparison, but to spark thoughts or questions. At this point, I am in therapy, starting facial electrolysis and scheduling my first endo appointment hopefully to try low dosage (maybe with blockers). Taking baby steps slowly, then checking back in with my wife at each step.

We are Presbyterians. She was an elder, I have been a deacon and nearly did seminary as well. Just as a how my experience fits into your original topic.

Long post for a short question. So sorry.

Good luck.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Carrie Liz]

The thing is, the whole "you can't reject what God made you" argument is one created by human beings interpereting their own views of which of God's creations are natural and acceptable or not.

If God did make you the way that you are, then God made you trans too.

Being trans is a medical condition, just like any medical condition. But you'd never hear someone saying "oh, no, don't get a prosthetic for that limb that you were born without. God made you that way. Don't reject how God made you," because they understand that there's nothing wrong with making one's life easier when the technology exists to do so. You'd never hear someone say "oh no, don't get treatment for that diabetes or cancer, don't cut out that malignant tumor on your body, God made you that way, you should love the body parts that He gave you even if they're going to kill you."

The problem isn't God. He didn't make a mistake. Humans are the ones making mistakes, by choosing to stigmatize one medical condition over another.

Trans people are biologically intersex. More and more studies are showing it as such. It's just that it's not a visible form of being intersex, because the brain isn't an external organ.

And the last time I checked, Christians don't generally tell intersex people to not get surgeries on their bodies to conform to binary-gendered norms, because humans have a vested interest in maintaining the gender binary. And I doubt they'd tell a woman with PCOS to not balance her hormones, to embrace the facial hair and infertility that God gave her even though it causes her distress.

Again, I hope you can see the double-standards here.

Going into transition, after years of trying to pray being trans away all through college, after finally graduating, the message that I got in prayer was "it's time to stop fighting who you are." And I did.

Humans tell us that being trans is rejecting who God made us. I believe it's embracing it.

And even if I'm wrong, even if it is actually looked down upon by God, He's a bigger God than that. Even Paul had a "thorn in the flesh" that God would not remove from him when he tried to pray it away. (2 Corinthians 12.) Christianity isn't about judging you for every single thing you've ever done wrong and every single imperfection, it's about forgiveness for those things, about loving God, and about loving your neighbor as yourself. Whoever does those things has fulfilled the Law.

[stephaniec]

ditto

[Jacqueline]

Humans are the ones making mistakes, by choosing to stigmatize one medical condition over another.

And even if I'm wrong, even if it is actually looked down upon by God, He's a bigger God than that.

Amen, sister. Or true that.

Joanna

[Metanoia]

Just to add my two cents in this...

There are a handful of out Trans* Christian clergy out there... I'm not out yet, but non-ordained clergy.... I've got at least a year to be ordained yet...

Which is to say what everyone else is saying. Being Trans* and Christian is not impossible. It makes for fun conversations though... When I was a young teenager, I thought Deuteronomy 23:1 was hilarious because it said penis and balls.... (In some translations such as NRSV)....

Now it's not so funny...

[AudreyMichelle]

Autrement, that's definitely a possibility to consider somewhere down the road. I'm just starting out on this journey so this might be a direction I go in. We'll see.

Carrie, I definitely agree with you. I don't think God is so small and so petty that if I chose to become a woman physically, he'd somehow not be able to get over it. Even if it was a "sinful" decision, I do believe he's more concerned with the heart and whether or not we love like Jesus does.

Joanna, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I in no way thought you were making this about you. It's so nice to hear other people's experience and realize that there are others who can relate to me. It's definitely sparked some thoughts and questions. My wife does in fact know and we do very much view each other as partners. It makes me think about inviting her in to helping me figure out the answer to my questions rather continue to try to protect her as I usually do.

[Juniper]

I don't have a ton to add to this, but, something I remember from a while ago went like,
If God created you, I think he would have made you how you are, how you think as well, so he must have made you trans, right? Maybe just an added challenge?
(I hope that came out right, jeez. My vocabulary is suffering for some reason.)