Seeing is Believing: The Lure of Passability

[suzifrommd]

Seeing is Believing: The Lure of Passability

By Suzi Chase
8/18/2015

https://www.susans.org/2015/08/18/seeing-believing-lure-passability/

"You shouldn't try to pass."

So say the activists, the transgender activists with their eyes on the future. Some will not even suffer that term to be used in their presence.

"You don't need to pass. You already are the woman (or man) you seek to become."

So say our matriarchs, the loving, nurturing, motherly souls who see our gender shining through like a bright sun when we feel like we're on our hands and knees looking for it.

We know they're right. We know the quest for passability demeans us, focuses us on the superficial, rather than the heartfelt. Even worse, it turns us inward in a community that sees such suffering that outward-turned souls are desperately sought. Worse still, it seems disparaging of the transgender condition. We can hear our detractors ask, if being trans were indeed nothing to be ashamed of, would we work so hard to hide it?

So, why do we do it?

[cheryl reeves]

we should own up to who we are and not focus on the little things..im blessed that all i have to do is shave my mustache off and i look fem without spending huge amounts of money and still not look fem enough,i hear how transgenders will spend huge amounts of money to change themselves and they still cant run from who they were. if i was going to invest money right now it would be in the medical field that treats transgenders for right now thats a cash cow type of market...i faced reality yrs ago that im a woman with a special part...

[Dee Marshall]

I go, generally for the out and proud school, but it still puts a smile on my face to be correctly gendered.

BTW, regarding "Seeing is Believing", ironically, I can't see it. My browser won't load it.

[stephaniec]

the thing is it would be great if 100% of those who need to transition for their health " passed "  . The reality  isn't like that no matter how much you want it to be like that it's not going to be like that.  Its biological nature . All humans do not look like Cary Grant and Elizabeth Taylor . We all have are imperfections.  We need to do the best we can and move forward and hopefully no one gets left behind.( just my opinion)

[cindianna_jones]

I think that you should do whatever you are comfortable with. For years, I wore nothing but men's work jeans, men's tee shirts, and men's sneakers. I guess I'm pretty lucky because I only got sir'd from behind.

I was married and my hubby did not want me to tell anyone. I complied. We were together for 24 years. Last week he finally admitted that he left me because he had become homophobic about me. Right.

So, I'm not wearing a sign. But I am now out. I've been telling good friends and his family (who have been my family for 24 years) I'm older now. It's unlikely that I'll ever have another relationship but if I do, it will be because my "status" is known before I say hello to the person.

Cindi

[Oliviah]

I think the issue over passing is one of simple semantics and definition.  No one means the same thing when saying what passing means.  Some say passing when they really mean the concept of going stealth.  IMHO one can pass and still not be stealth. 

Some people say passing when they really mean  pretty.  Some people pass fine as the gender they present, but don't feel pretty.

To me passing is about having a presentation that doesn't cause others to have an unconscious negative reaction to you.  For the most part people cue in on incongruity between manner and appearance or physical tells that are in conflict. 

An overtly sexual presentation hurt passing.  Many trans women do this in the beginning.  Too much makeup too much boob.  This hurts passing, as it causes an unconscious negative reaction in many.

Confidence and living genuine to yourself are key.