self acceptance

[nickyhappytrans]

I am currently transitioning 23 years old I have struggled with my appearance since early childhood I didn't understand why I felt so feminine always felt held back and unable to find a way to express myself the way I am next month I will be undergoing various ffs procedures I have been full time female for 3 months I have  been on hormones for 10 months and I do look pretty feminine and pass allot of the time even tho my hair is very short however there seems to be another aspect of self acceptance beyond the physical appearance the worlds view and prejudice and also what we go through with ourselves my question to you is what is your mentality when it comes to loving yourself unconditionally and any advice or stories  on how you came to the point in your life where you began to accept yourself completely

[Ms Grace]

When I tried to transition in 1989 I hated myself and hated being a man. And wow, was that a tough transition. When I detransitioned in 1991 I decided I needed to focus on accepting myself for who I was. I did a bucket load of psychotherapy and various self awareness courses. It took a while, but I got there after several years - I was able to say I did love who I was and able to accept myself and my body. Imagine my surprise though that it didn't change my deep desire to be a woman. Yes, I could accept I was born with a male body, yes I could love myself but it didn't make a spot of difference to my trans identity, just that the pain of not being genetically female was no longer overwhelming. At least when I approached transition this time it wasn't from a place of self loathing and I have to say, for me personally, it made a huge difference to my perception of myself this time around. I loved myself, I didn't loathe myself. And it made all the difference in the world.

[nickyhappytrans]

Thank you grace I am glad you have gotten to a point in your life where you are happy and accepting of yourself your story gives you hope
Question how did you upload your avatar I'm having a difficult time figuring it out

[Ms Grace]

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Cheers

Grace

[JoanneB]

When I tried to transition in 1989 I hated myself and hated being a man. And wow, was that a tough transition. When I detransitioned in 1991 I decided I needed to focus on accepting myself for who I was. I did a bucket load of psychotherapy and various self awareness courses. It took a while, but I got there after several years - I was able to say I did love who I was and able to accept myself and my body. Imagine my surprise though that it didn't change my deep desire to be a woman. Yes, I could accept I was born with a male body, yes I could love myself but it didn't make a spot of difference to my trans identity, just that the pain of not being genetically female was no longer overwhelming. At least when I approached transition this time it wasn't from a place of self loathing and I have to say, for me personally, it made a huge difference to my perception of myself this time around. I loved myself, I didn't loathe myself. And it made all the difference in the world.

Almost exactly this same scenario for me. Both times in my early 20's when I experimented with transitioning it was a disaster. Negative self esteem, negative self confidence, negative body image, plus deep down felt I had absolutely no chance of success at 6ft tall, big everything, deep voice and balding fast. Oh, add in a very healthy dose of internalized transphobia, this was the 70's after all

Fast-forward some 30+ years and I hit bottom. I came to realized much of the reason was how I was NOT handling being trans. DId a lot of self-help book reading, got in touch with my also buried spirituality, found a TG support group with a couple of angels there waiting to help me. My only goal then was to figure out some way to get these two great aspects of myself to live happily and peacefully together inside of me. Transitioning was absolutely the last thing on my list after having been down that road twice before.

With self acceptance came feeling the joy of being out in the real world as the me. Gone was that "Some guy in a dress" feeling that I carried in the past. Also gone were the odd looks, the snickers from teen girls, and worse. All while in rural WV & far western MD, not 10 miles from Times Square NYC where I lived back then.