How to Figure Out and Deal With Non-Accepting Mother/Parents

[Ms Grace]

 
Please remember this is a support site - you are free to offer advice and words of support but if people don't, won't or can't accept it then arguing the point with them will not help, just walk away and find someone who does, will or can. Topic reopened. Any more sniping from anyone will result in warnings and the topic being permanently locked.

Thanks!

[TheKaiser]

For some of us, the journey never ends...

So there is no harm in learning to enjoy the journey too.

Some other things you can do?

Contact any and all LGBT centers in your community. Any college nearby should have one as well, and they tend to help anyone in the community. They can gig you resources and information. Ideas of what you can do for yourself and for your family. They may offer support groups as well.

And, this is important... study up about your medical options, since you will be on medication for the rest of your life if you choose to take hormones, and sometimes you may have to teach your doctor a thing or two.

When you feel stuck, the best thing you can do is find a way to progress and often it is hard to know where to look, especially when you are starting. That is why we are here. Some day, you will be helping someone in a situation much like the one you are in right now.

I suppose so, and maybe trying to learn to enjoy the journey will help me deal with the depression and constant anguish over my male body, it certainly couldn't hurt to try and find a way to enjoy it at least I guess.

I'll try looking for LGBT centers around my area soon, I'm not sure how many there are in my neck of the woods (near St Petersburg, Florida), but I am sure there might be at least one nearby, and the resources and help they could give me could be important and good for me, so it would most certainly not hurt to look, I won't lose anything if I don't happen to find any good ones in my area through.

As for medical options, I've looked up what my insurance covers regarding Gender Medical Issues already, the next step would be finding a good therapist to work with and working to getting on HRT, which I plan to try and begin as soon as I physically and legally can.

[stephaniec]

here's my 3 cents. I think given your circumstances therapy should be your #1 priority.

[TheKaiser]

here's my 3 cents. I think given your circumstances therapy should be your #1 priority.

Maybe so, but I also don't want to wait longer then I absolutely have to do to actually begin the transitioning process.

[stephaniec]

Maybe so, but I also don't want to wait longer then I absolutely have to do to actually begin the transitioning process.

that would be  the first step  on a long road

[TheKaiser]

that would be  the first step  on a long road

I know, It's the first thing I'll do definitely once I get the chance.

[Mariah]

Transition isn't something to be rushed. As much as you see going to a therapist as delaying the process, it's not. It's part of the transition process and a important part too. Transitioning without dealing with our issues often leads to other problems. It's why a therapist letter is frequently required for HRT because HRT won't fix those issues. Going it along without a therapist isn't something I would recommend. I hope things workout with your parents and you. Hugs
Mariah

Maybe so, but I also don't want to wait longer then I absolutely have to do to actually begin the transitioning process.

[TheKaiser]

Transition isn't something to be rushed. As much as you see going to a therapist as delaying the process, it's not. It's part of the transition process and a important part too. Transitioning without dealing with our issues often leads to other problems. It's why a therapist letter is frequently required for HRT because HRT won't fix those issues. Going it along without a therapist isn't something I would recommend. I hope things workout with your parents and you. Hugs
Mariah

I suppose your right *sigh*, it's just frustrating, having to be stuck like this, probably for at least 2 or 3 more years; before I can even begin the actual medical road of HRT and all that.

It's not like I don't have other issues I guess, I planned on seeing a therapist once possible anyway; so it'd probably be helpful.

[Tori]

Yeah. Steph is right. There is NOTHING wrong with a good therapist when swimming through and even into transition.

This crap is NOT easy. Also, therapy may be something your parents can get behind.

[Mariah]

Trust me as one of a several who transitioned once and then detransitioned before taking another go at it. It's amazing how those other problems turn into mountains that we don't over come that we see only the obstacles that stop us from achieving what we want out of our transitions. As a result, you end up focusing on things you can't change instead of what you can. This is just one example. I'm not sure if you have insurance or not, but it's generally covered and if not there are places that can do it for little or no cost generally depending on where you live. Hugs
Mariah

I suppose your right *sigh*, it's just frustrating, having to be stuck like this, probably for at least 2 or 3 more years; before I can even begin the actual medical road of HRT and all that.

It's not like I don't have other issues I guess, I planned on seeing a therapist once possible anyway; so it'd probably be helpful.

[TheKaiser]

Yeah. Steph is right. There is NOTHING wrong with a good therapist when swimming through and even into transition.

This crap is NOT easy. Also, therapy may be something your parents can get behind.

Yeah, I guess your right, It's just a feeling of not wanting to waste any more time then I have too; but I wouldn't want to rush into this without dealing with my issues first I guess.

And maybe, it's something I could float by them, maybe they'll get behind it and help me

[TheKaiser]

Trust me as one of a several who transitioned once and then detransitioned before taking another go at it. It's amazing how those other problems turn into mountains that we don't over come that we see only the obstacles that stop us from achieving what we want out of our transitions. As a result, you end up focusing on things you can't change instead of what you can. This is just one example. I'm not sure if you have insurance or not, but it's generally covered and if not there are places that can do it for little or no cost generally depending on where you live. Hugs
Mariah

My parents have insurance that I am covered on until I am 25, I'm not sure what kind of coverage it covers regarding therapy (especially since I live in a fairly Republican state, Florida, who's laws on the LGBT aren't particularly great); but I'll look into it and see what my insurance covers and if there are any good therapists near me.

[Mariah]

Often they can code it under depression and or anxiety which often go hand in hand with our gender dysphoria. I know that was the case for me. Hugs
Mariah

My parents have insurance that I am covered on until I am 25, I'm not sure what kind of coverage it covers regarding therapy (especially since I live in a fairly Republican state, Florida, who's laws on the LGBT aren't particularly great); but I'll look into it and see what my insurance covers and if there are any good therapists near me.

[Tori]

I suppose your right *sigh*, it's just frustrating, having to be stuck like this, probably for at least 2 or 3 more years; before I can even begin the actual medical road of HRT and all that.

It's not like I don't have other issues I guess, I planned on seeing a therapist once possible anyway; so it'd probably be helpful.

Also, you may be able to find some sort of group therapy. And while one on one therapy is often better... group therapy will help you meet LGBT folks nearby and it is often much cheaper.

[TheKaiser]

Often they can code it under depression and or anxiety which often go hand in hand with our gender dysphoria. I know that was the case for me. Hugs
Mariah

I hadn't thought about it in that way, but that is another possibility I guess if I find out that my insurance doesn't have the best coverage regarding therapy or if the state laws, thanks for informing me about that.

And uh.. sorry if I sound so noobish and all, I'm still really new to all of this; and it is confusing trying to navigate my way through this mess of a maze *sighs embarrasingly*

Also, you may be able to find some sort of group therapy. And while one on one therapy is often better... group therapy will help you meet LGBT folks nearby and it is often much cheaper.

That's something for me to keep in mind, thanks.

[Tori]

Yeah, I guess your right, It's just a feeling of not wanting to waste any more time then I have too; but I wouldn't want to rush into this without dealing with my issues first I guess.

And maybe, it's something I could float by them, maybe they'll get behind it and help me

And like Mariah said, therapy is part of transition. It is not in the way of transition. A good therapist trained in LGBT issues may be able to point you towards many options in your area. A therapist can really help you get the ball rolling.

[Mariah]

No worries, It happens. We all have to start out somewhere. Hugs
Mariah

I hadn't thought about it in that way, but that is another possibility I guess if I find out that my insurance doesn't have the best coverage regarding therapy or if the state laws, thanks for informing me about that.

And uh.. sorry if I sound so noobish and all, I'm still really new to all of this; and it is confusing trying to navigate my way through this mess of a maze *sighs embarrasingly*

That's something for me to keep in mind, thanks.

[TheKaiser]

And like Mariah said, therapy is part of transition. It is not in the way of transition. A good therapist trained in LGBT issues may be able to point you towards many options in your area. A therapist can really help you get the ball rolling.

Yeah, I guess your right; perhaps a therapist isn't as bad or as an impede on where I want to get to as I previously thought it was

[Tori]

After all, you are not a legal adult yet. You will need parental permission to start the medical stuff anyway.

A therapist could help you better communicate and work with your parents. It may be your quickest path.

Call LGBT centers near you. Ask if they can reccomend therapists or if they have group therapy or meetings.

Really, make a list of questions before you call. Anything and everything you can think of that they may be able to help with. Do NOT be afraid of telling them you are a trans youth and about your situation. If you feel better with not telling them your full name, give them a fake one if they ask or just your first, or your new name.

LGBT centers are more likely to be set up with someone who will help you work towards your goals. In a community like you are near, there should be at least one LGBT center. It is certainly large enough.

People think therapy is to fix broken people... HA! Sometimes it is just having a paid advocate in your corner who you get to talk to once every week/month... whatever.

Also, one on one therapists will typically talk with you for 30 or so minutes before your first appointment. It is a great time to get to know them. If you don't like them, try another one out.

Most of these first steps can be done over the phone too! So you don't need any rides yet.

[TheKaiser]

I turn 18 this November, so I won't need my parent's permission for anything medically for much longer anyway, but everything you say is still valid even then; and I'll have to consider all of those options and figure out what works best for me (through, I'll probably give at least everything a shot, if it helps find me someone and things that help me begin working on my goals small and big easier of course)

After all, you are not a legal adult yet. You will need parental permission to start the medical stuff anyway.

A therapist could help you better communicate and work with your parents. It may be your quickest path.

Call LGBT centers near you. Ask if they can reccomend therapists or if they have group therapy or meetings.

Really, make a list of questions before you call. Anything and everything you can think of that they may be able to help with. Do NOT be afraid of telling them you are a trans youth and about your situation.

Then you are more likely to be set up with someone who will help you work towards your goals.

People think therapy is to fix broken people... HA! Sometimes it is just having a paid advocate in your corner who you get to talk to once every week/month... whatever.

Also, one on one therapists will typically talk with you for 30 or so minutes before your first appointment. It is a great time to get to know them. If you don't like them, try another one out.

Most of these first steps can be done over the phone too! So you don't need any rides yet.