Dysphoria is gone, now thinking about stopping HRT

[Autumnleaf]

So I've been on Spiro for almost 4 months and E for 2 months.  Thing is, as soon as I started spiro, my dysphoria died down a bit but a month after taking E, most if not all of my dysphoria pretty much went away.  Now, I'm thinking of stopping HRT and the transition process completely but I'm worried that the dysphoria will come back if I stop. 

I spoke to my therapist and my GP about this and they both pretty much told me that ultimately, only I can truly decide.  Well....it didn't really help, at all.  Although they both mentioned the possibility of low dose.  Although, I feel that that doesn't solve the underlying problem.

I think part of my problem is work.  Because I work in a hyper masculine field and environment, I have to play the part and on those days, I actually feel masculine.  Doesn't help with my psyche when I'm constantly bouncing back between a masculine and feminine mentality.

A part of me feels very ambivalent about whole thing and I feel like I'm just going with the flow.  The other part of me feels like "what if I'm wrong, some of the changes will be irreversible."  But at the same time I feel like "If I stop now, I'll regret it.  I already regret starting this late in life."

I'm not sure what to do at this point.

[Rachel]

You mentioned you started late in life; I am 53 and started a little over 2 years ago.

I understand your apprehension about work. I have been gradually coming out at work for a little over 3 years. Odd thing is I thought I would lose my job. I got a promotion. I am out to 70 or so people and everyone so far has been supportive. I thought I would be laughed at. Your situation may be very different and only you can know.

I have an extremely male position ( I manage a department with 30 operating engineers and 45 fitters and electricians. I am on construction sites and manage small capital projects too.)  and I also interface with a lot of Doctors and medical staff, most (90% plus) of which are female.

Going off HRT is your decision and only you can make that call. We support you either way. You may want to give it 3 more months before you make a decision. Transition is a long term process and it takes time to resolve a lot of issues and figure out what you want to do.

[HoneyStrums]

Right now your unsure. With perfectly valid reasons for continuing or stopping hrt?

It might be an Idea if you could in some way find out if, the ease in your dysphoria is due to the presence of the Hrt?
Without it, your dysphoria may return?


I have no exsperience with Hrt as of yet. But you do seem to be struggling with continuing Hrt, if their is a chance that your dysphoria might not return after stopping it.

You could try a course of low dose, if your dysphoria increases then you would know for certian that the ease in your dysphoria is due to the hormoans? That said though, low dose could still ease your dysphoria to the same degree as now, but this way you might be more comfatable making the choice to try a hormoan free period to see if your dysphotia comes back.

Please dont take any of what I said as a dead cert. Pay more attention to people who have had exsperience with Hrt, I was just trying to offer a suggestion that might help YOU make this difficult choice.

[cindianna_jones]

It wouldn't hurt you to drop the meds for a couple of months and see what happens would it? This may be analogous to purging clothes to many. I think that by the time we get to HRT, we are pretty sure. But if you aren't, there's nothing like finding out for sure.

Chin up!
Cindi

[Dee Marshall]

You certainly can stop. Only you can know what's right for you, but let me tell you this while you're making up your mind. Most of the people I've ever known with a chronic condition, and ->-bleeped-<- (wish there was a better term) IS a chronic condition, hated that medication would be needed for the rest of their lives. Diabetes,  mental illness, doesn't matter, they felt better and stopped their meds and then got ill again. Do stop if you wish, but, if the dysphoria comes back, start up again and don't ever stop. Please don't put yourself in a cycle of medication, better, no medication, worse, and repeat.  I've seen too many people put themselves in a hospital doing that.

[kelly_aus]

I tried that.. It just came back nastier than ever.

[AnonyMs]

I had much the same thing and there's a positive side to it.

Between feeling good and pressure from my wife I stopped, only to feel far worse than before I'd started. Eventually I started again, then stopped again, and repeated that a few times. It's what finally made me accept I'm transgender. I have no doubts anymore.

I'm not presenting female yet, and it remains to be seen how long I can last doing that, but I'll accept whatever comes.

[stephaniec]

You certainly can stop. Only you can know what's right for you, but let me tell you this while you're making up your mind. Most of the people I've ever known with a chronic condition, and ->-bleeped-<- (wish there was a better term)

I have a better term IOTBS(invasion of the body snatchers)

[Jean24]

That's a very tough call Autum. I'm sorry you are going through that. You could always try just not taking them for a few days or weeks and see where it goes. If you feel better, stay off the HRT

[Dena]

Like everybody else, I will add it is your decision and we can't make it for you. The hormones gave you relief providing you are transgender and it's a pretty safe bet that stopping hormones is gong to bring back the hell you were living before.

On the other hand, there is something else to consider. Women are in almost every profession now days. There are a very limited number like professional sports that women haven't moved into. Not knowing the field you are working in, I suspect there are women already working in your field. Yes, you will have to be twice as good as the men, but if you are you should find transitioning will not put you out of a job.

My profession of computer programming, while one of the more open professions, still has few women working in it. Because I was willing to do what the men wouldn't and couldn't do, I have become the most valued member of my company. Yes I had to do some nasty cleanup the other programmers left behind but it gave me the reputation of being able to solve the problems nobody else could.

Think about the type of employe you want to become and see yourself as a woman doing that job. I think it should be possible.

[Autumnleaf]

Thank you for the responses.  I was really wondering how many others started had doubts after starting HRT.  Honestly, that's what I'm afraid of.  Stopping hrt just to have the dysphoria come back even worse.  A part of me wants to continue hrt but another part of me is afraid that it's the wrong path.  I don't know.

As for work, I'm not so worried about losing my job as much as being ostracized and singled out.  We had diversity/LGBT training a few months ago and some of the comments made by my male co-workers in the locker room were.....disparaging. 

I know some of you mentioned that you stopped hrt then started it again.  May I ask why you decided to stop hrt the first time?

[luna nyan]

If HRT helped, then it's highly likely you fall somewhere on the trans spectrum.  Most cis males would be repulsed by the changes HRT induces.

The question only is where.  You may be in my situation - HRT is enough to keep you sane, or you may need a full transition.  Only you can tell.

Good luck

[Laurette Mohr]

 I'd be deathly afraid if I had to stop HRT at this point. Just a thought.

[Yenneffer]

It will I stopped for one day and it freaked me out

[Mariah]

As others have stated, it's your call as to whether to stay on HRT or not. I think Cindi hit it best at this stage it really be no different than the purge that many of us did time and time again for awhile. If you do stop, you always restart eventually if need by. Hugs
Mariah

[iKate]

In all honesty, I think if you stop, dysphoria will return. It did for me. I was pretty low when I had to stop for surgery and I don't know how I could handle cold turkey for an extended period.

But it is really up to you. Your brain chemistry/wiring is probably a little altered at this point so you won't be 100% back to where you were.

If anything you could aim to stay on a low dose to manage the dysphoria. It may affect your physical attributes such as strength and sexual function though.

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

i felt the same as yourself, i stopped taking my hormones for 6 months and all it did was confirm that i could never go back to being a man,

on my second round of hrt the dysphoria subsided again but my new found inner understanding held me strong and eventually the dysphoria started back up again after about 14 months and i was less concerned with being on hrt and now concerned on passing as female,

to this day i still have the dysphoria is pushing me to be more accepted as a woman and the thoughts of stopping hrt are minuscule, but without that downtime from hrt i wouldn't have the strength to understand my level of feminine self accceptance


i suggest you should stop taking hormones and really work on your innerself to understand if you truly want to transition

[Stephanie00Rayne]

I thought about stopping HRT in the first 2-3 months of being on Spiro and E together.  I was suffering all sorts of panic attacks and anxiety.  I didn't believe my doctors when they said I was fine.  My psychiatrist said I likely had panic disorder.  I was sooo close to stopping, but deep down knew I had to give it a chance.  The bodies hormone levels are all over the place in the early stages.  Not completely correct for a Cis-Male or Cis Female... so the brain was likely sending me warning signs that something was wrong, when it was just part of the process.

Well I stayed with it, stopped worrying about all the stuff out of my control and 6 months later the panic attacks have pretty much ended.  I've maybe had 1-2 in the last 3 months (compared to 3-4 a week).  Looking forward to finding out my hormone levels tomorrow!

I couldn't imagine going off HRT now.. and I'm glad I stuck with it through the tough few months. I am very happy where I'm at right now in transition, life is great and I can't wait to see how it progresses from here.

It's totally up to you if you want to stop, but I'd bet money that the dysphoria will come back stronger than ever.
Only you can decide your future sweetie.  We can only tell you our experiences and completely unprofessional opinons. haha 

[brenda w]

for me i can never stop. i on low dose, but still i drank the koolaid. Just knowing the mental state i was in before and where i am now removes any doubt. i too woork in construction. I wouldnt stand a chance coming out, so i low dose. low dose for about 2 years no major changes, i wear loose clothing.At least life is bearable somewhat, a recent bout of depression i believe was caused when the pharmacy switched generic patch brands, and for 3 months life became hell. Had doctor prescribe a twice a week patch, and things have gotten better. I cant see the harm if you feel this will be better for you, and you will know soon enough. Just dont forget how you feel on either road so you can remind yourself, why you chose a certain path.

[Rejennyrated]

There is one doctor whom I work with who would argue that HRT should be used as the ultimate diagnostic test of proper transness as opposed to "some sort of fetish" - (his words not mine) - because if someone likes the changes, which will likely include a change to their libido, it is more likely that they are properly trans. That beng the case if you like what has happened then stopping is unlikely to be a good plan as the dysphoria will almost certainly come back.