Ok,
your worried and you should be. You have valid concerns, but taking the word transgender away from how you feel about the child you have always known as a son.
And it becomes clear you talk about said child Like any farther would about a daughter. The question is, would you force a child you had always known as a daughter to stop dressing as they choose, and taking part in activities they like, and to dress and act and be manly for their safety?
You have troubble getting used to saying she/her in refference to said child because, you have had a much longer time to get used to callng them him/he. In time when you have known them longer as her/she then you have him/he this will be easeyer.
Your concerned about your childs safety, because you are awear of the extra dangers a transwoman faces, just as you would worry over the extra dangers a none trans woman faces. This doesnt make you a bad dad.
What you feel about this situation doesnt make you a bad dad. What would make you a bad dad, would be if your treat, a trans child different from a none trans child.
example.
if you didnt like a none trans daughter wearing a short skirt, then its fair to not like a trans daughter wearing a short skirt too.
and if you wouldnt say to a none trans daughter,you should look like a man because i dont want you being raped and murderd, then you shouldnt say it to your trans daughter either.
Having concernes for your childes safetey, is a good thing. But remember this, emotional safety needs to e adressed too.
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Ill talk a little bit about my fathers reactions. and the greater bond we now have.
when I told him most of what he knew about me was an act. He started crying while going through old photos, mourning the loss of his child.
It was made eaeyer for him, when I took them off of him. I said dad this is still part of my past, the happyness you see here is genuin. Im heppy because im eating an icecream with my dad. what im was wering didnt matter.
This aliviated some of his heartache. I went on to exsplain that he wasnt loosing me. He was probably for the first time in his life gatting to know me as a person.
I exsplained that, when I came home from school after drawing a picture on pink paper and getting beaten up for it was when the acting started. I exsplaind that all I wanted was to be able to come home and cry, and I couldnt because instead of being comforted, I would be met with disgust and got told to stop crying and take it like a man, or told to grow a pair.
Because of this, In front of my dad, for his benifit, I would hold it all in and pretened it didnt hurt, pretend that I was tough. I pretended to be what he wanted me to be, because I loved him and wanted him to be happy. I couldnt make my dad happy but the part I played did. This put me in a position where I though my dad didnt love me, which was the most painfull thing about my life.
I believed that in order to be happy I had to make my dad un-happy, The though of making my dad un-happy made me un-happy. I saw that no matter what i did, I couldnt be happy. This ment I didnt care about my future, I stopped caring about myself, a life without happyness isnt worth living.
But I came out to my dad, I was lucky, realy, realy lucky. I know this, because my dad does worry, now my dad calls me if i dont call him, he stands in the window when Im due home. HE bought me an attack alarm. And for the first time in my life I know that my dad loves me as much as I love him.
I think that out of everything I have said to you so far, this might be the most help.
When I got beaten up before, I would hope that It would kill me, because I thought it better to die as my dad wanted me to be, and I didnt want to put him though a self termination.
Now, when I get beaten, I hope they stop before I die. I want to live, I DONT just let it happen anymore, i fight back as best I can, I bite, slap, knee in the nuts, scratch and pull hair. And you know what? it works far better then my kicks and punches ever did. I do more to avoid beatings too. And I have that attack alarm.
Point Im making is, although I might be seen as a target for attack by my dad. Because I now have a future worth living for, Im much better at fighting to preseve it, Im not fighting to conform to exspectations, Im fightng to preseve my life. And Im much better equiped to preseve it then I ever was before, both with my attitude towards my future, and with the equipment my dad gives me.
So believe it or not, your concerns show us and your child you care about their safety, and caring about their safety, shows you love them, more then trying to get the pronoun right all the time to save arguments.
Get to know your child, and I can almost guarantie their will be aspect of their personailty that dont change. Smile and cherrish these aspects, because these aspects are parts of the child you have always known, and try and look at the differences as knowing more about that child.
