Extremely strong reaction to going out in "guy mode"...

[Ms Grace]

As some may know, my gorgeous auburn coloured locks are 100% synthetic. Yeah, it's a wig.

That leaves me with some not so gorgeous 100% real, browny grey wisps of hair to deal with.

I hadn't had a hair cut in just under 6 months and had a three inch growth which is still pretty thin at the front and back of my head. While there has indeed been some regrowth in the time I've been on HRT and using Regaine it certainly isn't good enough to help me pass. Essentially, I go out without the wig, I don't pass. 

Which is why I have never left the house without it for six months... the last time I had a hair cut.

I decided that with summer approaching I really needed to get my hair shaved off again and that the only way I would feel comfortable having that done would be to go to a local barber shop in guy mode. And wow, was I wrong, wrong, wrong about that!

I still have guy clothes left over from pre transition - so I wore a compression sports bra and a very loose short sleeve shirt over the top (could still totally see my boobs though), dude jeans and boots and headed out. Almost instantly I felt terrible but I pushed on. The walk there, the wait, the cut, the walk home was about an hour and it was the most stressful hour I've had in a long time. For most of the time I was hunched over, sweating profusely (despite it being quite cold and wearing a short sleeve shirt) and barely breathing (pretty sure I stopped altogether a couple of times). It was truly unpleasant.

And then I realised... that's exactly how I used to feel before I transitioned. Not as extremely of course, but that visceral response was what I had managed to push down and cope with for most of my life. No wonder I was miserable and depressed before I transitioned.

Obviously I'm never doing that again. I think I will have to buy myself clippers and give myself a trim at home from now on. At the moment I believe I would feel even worse taking my wig off in front of someone, so going in girl mode to a hair dresser for a private appointment is out of the question.

It wasn't a horrific ordeal, I recovered once I was home, showered and back in more comfortable clothes... but wow, I had no idea I would have that reaction!! Yeesh!!

[stephaniec]

I think my legs would blister if I tried putting on guys jeans.

[Ms Grace]

They felt like they weighed a ton and were suffocating my legs! I couldn't believe I used to wear them.

[Ara]

I'm at 3.5 months on HRT and to go out at night I have to wear mens clothing.  It makes me feel so awful.  I can't have fun and god help me if I accidentally catch my own reflection.

[iKate]

Mine are bagged up for donation. I'm never dressing as a guy again.

[Ms Grace]

To be honest I have no idea why I still have them, I should have given them away a year ago.

[stephaniec]

I've still got a suit that goes from the closet to the floor in anticipation of getting rid of it then back to the closet (repeat)

[RavenL]

I dug around my closet a couple nights ago, all I have his one old guy shirt. And its about two sizes to big so I really can't go out as a guy anymore.

[KristinaM]

I'm pruning my guy wardrobe every week, 3 more pairs of dress pants, 6 polos, and 4 neckties went out the door this week! I'm literally making room for my girl clothes due to a lack of space.

Can't relate to the hair issue as mine is quite thick and curly, but some days it definitely hurts to go out in boy mode...

[KatelynBG]

Once I transition, I'm never touching a neck tie again in my life. I call them nooses for a reason.

[Everbrooke]

before hrt and full time, I just wore unisex t-shirts with clever phrases on them and jeans.  I still wear unisex shirts with clever phrases on them, but now with skirts, jeans, leggings, and capris.  I also am starting to get some more feminine shirts.  I want to get a camisole, but haven't yet.

I understand though,  a few weeks back when I only had one bra, I had to go to my therapists and had not cleaned clothes in awhile from being so busy.  I went out in a thick shirt and some old jeans from my guy days.  I felt awful, and I felt really bad being in public without a bra.  I was hugging myself constantly and hunching over.  I don't even dress that different, and going guy mode at all is stressful.

[suzifrommd]

I love my hair. It's long but thin on top in a very male way and a bit stringy, so I pin it up under my wig. If I'm going to be outside for a length of time, I wear a hat and let my locks cascade about my shoulders.

I can't imagine it getting all cut off. Yes, it's greyish and stringy, but it's my hair.

[HoneyStrums]

Wow grace, I wore my wig continuasly, Continuasly untill I no longer needed it.

Meaning, I didnt get my hair cut. untill after I saw my real hair as better then my wig.

So If at some pont you want to be without the wig, doesnt a hair shave mean longer wearing it?

[Ms Grace]

Not wearing the wig means not passing, no matter how long my real hair is. I gave it six months of growth to see what it might look like but sadly it just wouldn't work. My other option is to totes bald, I love the look of women who have shaved their head completely and I'm fortunate enough that my head has the right shape to make it work. Don't think that'll ever happen though. I don't mind wearing the wig, love it in fact.

As for ties...it's interesting, I never took jobs where I had to wear one. I owned one tie and wore it maybe five times. I didn't own a suit. I didn't own men's shoes, just boots and runners. It's quite clear to me now I loathed men's clothing and could barely bring myself to buy any.

[Martine A.]

Hugs Grace.

Totally can relate to the feeling of being dependent on wigs. You are not alone there!

As for the haircut, I don't know if it is possible, but I'd just order a trimmer machine if that is the thing. It would arrive at the home address and will be usable inside the home.

The little hair I have left, I just trim even across the whole head. I tried letting it grow but it is just no good, it even makes me uglier as a man. I trim it since I was 21/22 or so. And at 20 I still had shoulder long hair of my own. Most of it just vanished in a year.

[Mariah]

Sorry to hear about your nerve racking trip to and from the barber to get your hair cut for summer. Like you, I know I don't pass yet without my wig either unless I cover the area that hasn't filled in as fast or thick enough yet. I have the person who does my eyebrows trim mine up every so often. Considering she has seen me come in since the extremely early stages of this transition she knows I'm trans. I think that is probably why I'm able to take the wig off for that short bit when she trims the hair. We just make sure the time of day that I have it done is when they are dead. These experiences where are short comings are most evident sure are nerve racking. Hugs.
Mariah

As some may know, my gorgeous auburn coloured locks are 100% synthetic. Yeah, it's a wig.

That leaves me with some not so gorgeous 100% real, browny grey wisps of hair to deal with.

I hadn't had a hair cut in just under 6 months and had a three inch growth which is still pretty thin at the front and back of my head. While there has indeed been some regrowth in the time I've been on HRT and using Regaine it certainly isn't good enough to help me pass. Essentially, I go out without the wig, I don't pass. 

Which is why I have never left the house without it for six months... the last time I had a hair cut.

I decided that with summer approaching I really needed to get my hair shaved off again and that the only way I would feel comfortable having that done would be to go to a local barber shop in guy mode. And wow, was I wrong, wrong, wrong about that!

At the moment I believe I would feel even worse taking my wig off in front of someone, so going in girl mode to a hair dresser for a private appointment is out of the question.

I haven't worn a tie in over 10 years. I totally agree, they are nooses.

Once I transition, I'm never touching a neck tie again in my life. I call them nooses for a reason.

[Ms Grace]

I have to say though that it was a very strong affirmation that I made the right decision to transition. How I made it as far as I did without transitioning I'll never know, but it sure was a testament to my denial and fear of beng trans.

[Katiepie]

The only male clothes I really have left are a couple boxer briefs (for when I feel that in military there is a good chance of a urinalysis), a suit (tailored slacks, a tailored white collar button up, and tailored sports jacket), and then copious amounts of unisex graphic tees.

I can never go back to male pants, even those male style skinny jeans don't feel right. Aside from if I do, that's when my tuck generally happens to slip and I gotta go fix myself like every half an hour.

Kate <3

[JoanneB]

Only 3 months between haircuts?  Mine are Christmas and my birthday (9 July).

I can relate to the presentation problem from the opposite vantage point. Also known as the total funk I can get into for my (for) now one and sadly only monthly outing in the real world as the real me. It is so God awful painful the day after my TG group meeting to take off the nail polish, doff the hair, and........ cry a river.

You problem is far easier to solve, 5 minutes and a http://www.flowbee.com/order_page.htm. No talent, or dexterity, required

[Zoetrope]

This is interesting for me, because I've had the opposite experience. I've actually grown quite comfortable presenting a-gendered when the need arises.

That simply means jeans, a long sleeve top with singlets underneath, a beanie and no makeup. So I'm wearing my still significant shadow, too. Despite all that, I will be in constant male-fail.

It seems that HRT and transition has resolved the feelings of GD enough for me that I don't care how I am seen. That affects how I present - as like anybody else - I like to be a little lazy sometimes. Day to day stuff. Shopping. Going for walks.

Now it does cause strong reactions, but not in me - in other people. Nothing horrible. More often than not people are friendly and intrigued. For my part, I find myself having interactions I normally would not, with different sorts of people. It's a different social spectrum again.

I guess I have decided that there is no shame in being the way I am. So, I will roll with whatever it brings ...