When did it feel right to go with srs

[Northern Jane]

I was intensely transsexual .... I did not want to live a minute longer than absolutely necessary with the wrong body.  I refused to let money, family, insurance companies, doctors, therapist or people get in the way of making myself right ... Transsexualism does have a cure its called Sexual Reassignment Surgery.  It does work, I am cured.

^^^ This!

For me it would have felt right at age 8 but, in the 1960s/70s it took until age 24 for SRS to become possible. I just barely survived to 1974. Now, 40 years later, there has never been any shred of doubt that it was the right decision.

[Richenda]

Hello everyone, opinion and experience with my single-minded mindset to undergo SRS.  My following view had been previously published online.  Lost a few friends over it and will continue too.

I believe how and when ones feels right with SRS largely depends on whether they suffer from gender dysphoria or transsexualism.

There was no real peace until the moment I awoke from SRS with the correct body.  Yes, correct body.  FFS, BA and HRT does not make a transsexual woman, SRS does!

Today I am a just a woman, a transsexual version of one but nonetheless a real woman.

Transsexualism does have a cure its called Sexual Reassignment Surgery.  It does work, I am cured.

I wonder, Anne, how open you are to listening to alternative perspectives? I ask that because phrases in your post suggest you won't be, but here goes in the off chance that maybe, just maybe, you might listen and, maybe, be a little more judicious in how you go about expressing yourself, if I may be so bold.

First up, I think it's fantastic you have chosen the right path for you. That's wonderful and I vicariously celebrate it with you.

Second, however, I do rather object to your description of transsexualism as something from which one 'suffers' and from which one needs to be 'cured.' I know that the word 'disorder' is often used by practitioners, and dysphoria can be awful, but I don't hate my transsexualism. Actually I celebrate it as part of the real me. It's the gender stereotyping of society from which I suffer, not my transsexualism. It isn't something from which I want to be cured. It's something I want to step into more. Society's pigeon holing is the thing from which I need to be cured.

Third, be careful. Your evangelical zeal is, by the sounds of it, right for you. But that path may not be for everyone and it doesn't make them any less female.

Fourth and most importantly you are (if I may be so bold) falling into the classic binary error of reducing gender to the sum of a few body parts, and in which view there can therefore only ever be two rigid gender types. This means, to me, that you are little different to those who use the same arguments against transsexualism. I don't mean that rudely, but if you stop and think about it you may see my point. Gender is much more complex than whether or not a body has a penis or a vagina. There are a range of things that make people identify with one gender or other, or places in between and a reductionist view that takes it down to a penis and vagina is incredibly simplistic. If I have a SRS will it suddenly make me a woman? No actually, it won't. No more than having a penis now makes me a man. See the problem?

Peace anyway
xx

[Isabelle]

You can take a reductionist view of anything but, this tread was asking for peoples personal view on SRS and how they knew it was right for them. It's not cool to try to erase someone's lived experience cause it doesn't fit with your politics. Again, the thread was a about personal feelings on the subject.

[Richenda]

I agree Isabelle. The question asked when it felt right not for an attack on all those who don't feel it's necessarily right for them either now or in the future as 'not female.'

There are many who feel female without being told they are not because they haven't, or haven't yet, had full SRS. it may not be right for everyone so it's just unhelpful as Cindy, the site administrator, pointed out very succinctly and graciously. I shall say no more about it here. Peace x

[Isabelle]

Once again, you've  missed the point entirely. That's all I'm saying as well.

[CindyLouCovington]

Don't even think about SRS unless you are sure in your own mind that you are trans. Too many people schedule SRS, then cancel, often loosing a lot of money, because they got cold feet. Obviously they had doubts. Resolve all of your doubts, decide whether SRS is practical for you, THEN schedule it.

[Lady_Oracle]

Once I found out that this surgery was possible a huge wave of relief went over me. I won't feel complete physically until I have surgery. It's just one of those things where you just know. Like everyone keeps saying if you have any doubts at all, don't do it.

[Northern Jane]

In "the old days", before the term 'transgender' was coined and the idea of an "umbrella term" became common, transsexual was a term used and popularized by Dr. Harry Benjamin and further divided into different 'types' ranging from Type I to Type VI. "Type VI" transsexual usually showed up in childhood and became acutely intense by puberty. Type VI transsexuals had a life expectancy less than 30 years if untreated and were seldom able to 'pass' as their birth sex. For such a person, it was a case of extreme discomfort within their own body. Self-mutilation was very common as was self-destructive behaviour.

In the early 1970s, when working with a hospital to set up one of the first gender clinics I was asked to formulate questions to help identify Type VI transsexuals. The primary question I suggested was "If you  were going to spend the rest of your life on a deserted island, would you still want/need surgery?" If the answer was an emphatic YES, it  was a strong indication of Type VI transsexualism because it wasn't about "society" or "roles" but about one's self and one's body.

Accepting others goes both ways!

[sarah v lehr]

Once again, you've  missed the point entirely. That's all I'm saying as well.

Well the question is open for any answer if you never felt srs was needed for you then thats still a positive answer to the question

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[sarah v lehr]

Thank you all so far for your inputs they helped me greatly and is much appreciated  <3

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[Mariah]

 
Lets please keep it civil. Some are taking people's responses personally or using them in other ways that were not intended either. Please keep TOS 5, 10, and 15 in mind. Thanks
Mariah

[hvmatt]

So many times I've seen things get a little unpleasant when the transsexual/transgender/binary/sliding scale discussion comes up.It seemed that ooAnne was talking purely about her own lived experience and it's something that personally I can relate to.SRS is painful,uncomfortable and carries some very real risks but we do it I think because we have to.There really isn't a choice and I can totally understand the viewpoint that states that I am not a woman(physically) until this has been done.That's what's right for those individuals.It's not saying that transgender individuals are lesser or aren't women because they haven't had SRS.It simply says I'm not a woman unless I've had SRS.We are all on our own individual paths,some of which intersect and can run parallel, others are vastly divergent.My path isn't better or more valid because it's mine,it just is.I'm simply getting on with the rather ordinary business of being a woman in the world, a woman with a transsexual history.

[Richenda]

"Transsexualism does have a cure its called Sexual Reassignment Surgery.  It does work, I am cured."

That's not just a statement about someone's own place. There are many places and paths along this journey and SRS is one part of that. For me, to come back to the thread point, it would probably be after having had an orchiectomy. But I don't necessarily see SRS as my panacea. After all, who's to say one day science won't be able to make wombs? To me it's a process, gender is fluid and greater than the sum of our body parts.

[SorchaC]

I'm not going to quote individuals because this comment applies to an observation more than one person being more right than another.

The notion of SRS being a cure for transsexualism is one that was followed by the UK NHS for a very long time. My original Gender Psyche Dr Board was of the very old school and had practiced for 40+ years when he finally retired. In my first consultation I was told he thought without doubt I am transsexual and that it is a medically recognised illness that can only be cured by GRS but to access that surgery and help via the NHS I had to go full time and legally change my name then prove I can live happily in society as a woman for up to 2 years before surgery. I am not saying I agree with this but it was what I had to do in 2007 and what those who transitioned for years before me also were told. This could easily explain attitudes that don't quite fit with modern outlooks.

Before anyone thinks I'm questioning anybodies gender or motives I'll add that my partner who has posted on Susans previously is a pre op who isn't full time yet never mind being close to surgery. I don't like talking about her with those who don't know she's trans as I can't bring myself to use he, him or his because she's as much a woman as I am just at a different stage in her journey.

I'm not saying who is right or wrong or commenting on anyones viewpoint I just wanted to point out that sometimes what is now seen as an attack was previously the height of modern thinking.

Hugs

Sorcha 

[Carrie Liz]

(WARNING: LONG story ahead...)


I recently changed from "pretty sure I want it" to "completely sure I want it," and here's the story of why.

I've wanted SRS since I started experiencing dysphoria at age 13/14. Erections REALLY bothered me back then, and I was so jealous that girls didn't have to get them, and I spent a LOT of time imagining what it would be like if I could just have a flat crotch like them, not have to put up with this uncomfortable male anatomy constantly moving around, constantly being a distracting bother to me.

But after 2 years of HRT, in the early stages of SRS planning, I was starting to question my motives. Because thanks to HRT, most of the aspects of my genital dysphoria that I hated so much before were now gone. No more spontaneous erections, things didn't move around so much anymore because it's shrunk to the point where it's barely a bother anymore, and most importantly of all, I actually started enjoying my intimate life for the first time ever, because without testosterone driving it anymore, I finally felt like I was in control. And therefore I didn't channel the same amount of hatred into that body part somehow "controlling me" like it used to.

So as I was planning SRS, as I was sending e-mails out to Dr. Chettawut asking for a price quote and a tentative date, as my mom was taking a loan for me to help pay off one of my credit cards specifically so that I could afford it, as she was rescheduling her summer classes so that she could come to Thailand with me, I was starting to have doubts. My dad is rejecting, so I know he'll NEVER accept it, so I started wondering if it was really worth dealing with that. I started having these panic moments when I woke up every morning where I realized that it was REAL, and I had some minor freakouts about that. And I started asking myself, is it really worth it? Does it really bother me that much that it's worth spending that much money, dealing with that much pain, that much upkeep and recovery, just to correct a body part that really doesn't cause me the same distress as it used to? Am I getting SRS because I really want it, or just because I'm following through on my high-school mindset without really understanding how much of that was actually genital dysphoria?

What finally made me 100% convicted on it was talking with my therapist about it. She helped me sort through EVERY single one of the reasons why I did want it and every reason why I was scared of it.

As it turns out, the reasons why I did want it were all based on tangible real-world things. First of all, the fact that I'm bisexual and yet wouldn't feel comfortable dating a guy right now because I simply don't get the least bit of pleasure out of butt play. And the fact that I actually have been in a relationship with a girl before, and during the ENTIRE time that we were together I was experiencing pleasure by proxy, basically my entire sexual experience was imagining what she was feeling and wishing I could have those same genitals. My doubts were all things like "what would Dad think?" "Am I somehow not "female enough" for it?" "Will I be an inadequate vagina-haver that nobody would accept as a woman anyway?" "How can I be completely 100% sure that this really is dysphoria and not just a sexual fetish?" And anxiety-based fears of that nature.

The one genuine doubt I had was that maybe if I'd experienced penetrative sex, (I never did,) it would be so amazing that I wouldn't want to give it up. I was also worried that maybe the problem was that I'd only been intimate with someone pre-transition, that maybe now post-transition I wouldn't feel that same aching desire to have a vulva. (And it's important to confront these doubts, if there's any real "maybe I don't really need it" ones that pop up.) So I decided to confront that doubt head-on, and do an experiment to simulate the feeling of penetration. While I was doing that experiment, halfway through, I realized "wait a minute, am I supposed to be imagining that I'm doing this to a girl? Is that mental fantasy of sticking this body part into a woman supposed to be pleasurable? It's not doing that for me, it just feels kind of... weird. Like, odd, not really sexy. I'm only able to get any enjoyment out of this by just ignoring the physical act and focusing on the sensations themselves. I'm still imagining that I'm rubbing my own hypothetical clit while I'm doing this, not that I'm sticking a penis into things."

I did some internet searches and realized, this isn't normal. Guys really do imagine screwing things, and having sexual things done to their male body and male anatomy, and imagining themselves doing sexual things to women, as a means of getting off. THAT is attraction for them. And I realized, I've NEVER felt that same feeling. I always have to mentally either ignore my anatomy completely, or mentally transport myself into a female body, before I can feel any sort of gratification from sexual things.

The very next day I read about something called Unified Transgender Theory, specifically this article on cross-gender arousal ( http://transcendmovement.com/unified-transgender-theory-cross-gender-arousal/ ), and I realized, it really is true, I've never ONCE in my entire life had a sexual fantasy involving the actual organs that I have. EVERY single time I'm having sexual thoughts, or imagining what would feel arousing to me, it's ALWAYS one where I have a vulva. Imagining doing things, or having things done to me, with my current anatomy does absolutely nothing for me. It's not the least bit attractive.

That killed any doubt that I was having.

Because I realized how much this is impacting my intimate life. I couldn't fully enjoy cuddling, touching, or ANYTHING intimate with my ex, because the entire time I was dealing with the obnoxious feeling that my genitals were constantly getting in the way, and during any sexual act I had to mentally transport myself into a female body before it became arousing. How much of an improvement would it be to my romantic life if I didn't have to do that anymore? If I didn't have to transport myself into another body first, if I could actually enjoy the things that were being done to MY body, and want those things, rather than constantly imagining that those things are happening to someone else's body, a hypothetical fictional body that only exists in my mind?

My doubts have been completely erased because of this.

Because I realized, I'm never going to have a normal intimate life until after SRS.

[Isabelle]

I'm simply getting on with the rather ordinary business of being a woman in the world, a woman with a transsexual history.

^^ This^^

I totally support a persons right to self identify however they please! Surgery, no surgery,
Don't even transition at all if you don't want. I respect your right to be who and what you are, so long as you don't impact on others detrimentally.

I'm not a transgender, I'm not having my identity colonised by a political movement.
I had my transsexualism treated but,  I'm not my medical condition.
I'm just a woman now.
My mum survived Cancer. Should we call her a cancer woman? Even thiugh she had surgery to cure the condition? 

For me, it's over.  Does how I feel about my own life and journey,  make a transgender feel like there's some kind of ranking system? And they're being hard done by in their imaginary game of snakes and ladders. I have no idea. I'm too busy living my life and giving no "flucks"  I'm not a transgender so, it's none of my business anyway. Do  I expect other people  to share my view of myself and my condition? No! And I simply couldn't give less of a ->-bleeped-<- if I tried.

[sarah v lehr]

(WARNING: LONG story ahead...)


I recently changed from "pretty sure I want it" to "completely sure I want it," and here's the story of why.

I've wanted SRS since I started experiencing dysphoria at age 13/14. Erections REALLY bothered me back then, and I was so jealous that girls didn't have to get them, and I spent a LOT of time imagining what it would be like if I could just have a flat crotch like them, not have to put up with this uncomfortable male anatomy constantly moving around, constantly being a distracting bother to me.

But after 2 years of HRT, in the early stages of SRS planning, I was starting to question my motives. Because thanks to HRT, most of the aspects of my genital dysphoria that I hated so much before were now gone. No more spontaneous erections, things didn't move around so much anymore because it's shrunk to the point where it's barely a bother anymore, and most importantly of all, I actually started enjoying my intimate life for the first time ever, because without testosterone driving it anymore, I finally felt like I was in control. And therefore I didn't channel the same amount of hatred into that body part somehow "controlling me" like it used to.

So as I was planning SRS, as I was sending e-mails out to Dr. Chettawut asking for a price quote and a tentative date, as my mom was taking a loan for me to help pay off one of my credit cards specifically so that I could afford it, as she was rescheduling her summer classes so that she could come to Thailand with me, I was starting to have doubts. My dad is rejecting, so I know he'll NEVER accept it, so I started wondering if it was really worth dealing with that. I started having these panic moments when I woke up every morning where I realized that it was REAL, and I had some minor freakouts about that. And I started asking myself, is it really worth it? Does it really bother me that much that it's worth spending that much money, dealing with that much pain, that much upkeep and recovery, just to correct a body part that really doesn't cause me the same distress as it used to? Am I getting SRS because I really want it, or just because I'm following through on my high-school mindset without really understanding how much of that was actually genital dysphoria?

What finally made me 100% convicted on it was talking with my therapist about it. She helped me sort through EVERY single one of the reasons why I did want it and every reason why I was scared of it.

As it turns out, the reasons why I did want it were all based on tangible real-world things. First of all, the fact that I'm bisexual and yet wouldn't feel comfortable dating a guy right now because I simply don't get the least bit of pleasure out of butt play. And the fact that I actually have been in a relationship with a girl before, and during the ENTIRE time that we were together I was experiencing pleasure by proxy, basically my entire sexual experience was imagining what she was feeling and wishing I could have those same genitals. My doubts were all things like "what would Dad think?" "Am I somehow not "female enough" for it?" "Will I be an inadequate vagina-haver that nobody would accept as a woman anyway?" "How can I be completely 100% sure that this really is dysphoria and not just a sexual fetish?" And anxiety-based fears of that nature.

The one genuine doubt I had was that maybe if I'd experienced penetrative sex, (I never did,) it would be so amazing that I wouldn't want to give it up. I was also worried that maybe the problem was that I'd only been intimate with someone pre-transition, that maybe now post-transition I wouldn't feel that same aching desire to have a vulva. (And it's important to confront these doubts, if there's any real "maybe I don't really need it" ones that pop up.) So I decided to confront that doubt head-on, and do an experiment to simulate the feeling of penetration. While I was doing that experiment, halfway through, I realized "wait a minute, am I supposed to be imagining that I'm doing this to a girl? Is that mental fantasy of sticking this body part into a woman supposed to be pleasurable? It's not doing that for me, it just feels kind of... weird. Like, odd, not really sexy. I'm only able to get any enjoyment out of this by just ignoring the physical act and focusing on the sensations themselves. I'm still imagining that I'm rubbing my own hypothetical clit while I'm doing this, not that I'm sticking a penis into things."

I did some internet searches and realized, this isn't normal. Guys really do imagine screwing things, and having sexual things done to their male body and male anatomy, and imagining themselves doing sexual things to women, as a means of getting off. THAT is attraction for them. And I realized, I've NEVER felt that same feeling. I always have to mentally either ignore my anatomy completely, or mentally transport myself into a female body, before I can feel any sort of gratification from sexual things.

The very next day I read about something called Unified Transgender Theory, specifically this article on cross-gender arousal ( http://transcendmovement.com/unified-transgender-theory-cross-gender-arousal/ ), and I realized, it really is true, I've never ONCE in my entire life had a sexual fantasy involving the actual organs that I have. EVERY single time I'm having sexual thoughts, or imagining what would feel arousing to me, it's ALWAYS one where I have a vulva. Imagining doing things, or having things done to me, with my current anatomy does absolutely nothing for me. It's not the least bit attractive.

That killed any doubt that I was having.

Because I realized how much this is impacting my intimate life. I couldn't fully enjoy cuddling, touching, or ANYTHING intimate with my ex, because the entire time I was dealing with the obnoxious feeling that my genitals were constantly getting in the way, and during any sexual act I had to mentally transport myself into a female body before it became arousing. How much of an improvement would it be to my romantic life if I didn't have to do that anymore? If I didn't have to transport myself into another body first, if I could actually enjoy the things that were being done to MY body, and want those things, rather than constantly imagining that those things are happening to someone else's body, a hypothetical fictional body that only exists in my mind?

My doubts have been completely erased because of this.

Because I realized, I'm never going to have a normal intimate life until after SRS.

You know this is spot on of what im dealing with and makes perfect sense thank you so very much <3

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[AnonyMs]

Over they years I've read a very large number of these stories, and the conclusion I've come to, is that just like there's a wide spectrum of being transgender so to is there a wide spectrum of views on SRS. There's some common threads, but there's also an amazing diversity.

I don't think its particularly useful to try to force yourself into any particular box, or to think that others should be either. Just as we sometimes see heated discussion on what being transgender is, we also see that with SRS. Everyone's different and we try to relate the world to our own understanding so its not all that surprising, but I believe that because we are different we need to find our own paths and accept others in theirs.

For myself, my current thinking is that if and when I have SRS it will be either because I'm scared of going crazy if I don't, or because I want to so why not. Seems like a good idea.