Starting HRT. Excited & scared.

[ChiGirl]

In a few hours, I'll be getting my scripts to start HRT.  I'm excited, but I'm kind of scared.

I know no one can predict what will happen, but being overweight, I'm scared of the potential side effects.  I'm scared that being 40 means there won't be much change.  What if I develop health problems and have to go off hormones? 

My self esteem has taken a real hit in the last few days.  I was trying on clothes last night and all I could see is a man in a dress.  What if that's what I always look like? I'm not expecting to look great, but not looking like a woman at all scares me.

And then there's my wife.  She's been supportive, at least that's what she tells me.  I do see it, but I also hear the negative comments and the reminders that I'm moving too fast.  She wants me to wait to start HRT for a couple weeks.  I could, but is she going to want to push it back again?

I know I'm being over the top, but I really am kind of freaking out.  I've wanted to start hormones for so long, but I'm so scared of all the potential side effects.

Charlotte

[kai_p]

No matter how old u are, hormones will always make some sort of change. Don't be scared if this is really what u want to do then do it!!
My gf is asking me to wait a little bit, n I will give her that but she also has to understand I'm ready. Take into consideration that she's ur wife, she's going to be there for u but make sure ur gonna be there for her. BE HAPPY!!

[Kellam]

Firstly, HOORAY!!!!

It is good to be nervous, this is a huge step. But it is worth it. If now feels right then now is your moment. Enjoy it!

I started at 36 but am 37 now and in my first five months I have seen more change than I thought possible. That guy who was wearing my clothes five months back? Gone, there is only me left now and I couldn't be happier.

Love this day, because you will always remember it! So happy for you!

[Jessie Ann]

I am in my mid 50's and they have done wonders for me. The only way to find out is to jump in and start taking them. I think you will be very pleased with the results. Congrats on joining the E class of 2015.

[ChiGirl]

Thanks, everyone.

I had my appointment and it went well.  They went over all the good and bad, and I got my prescription filled!  I opted for patches because I hate shots and with my weight I was concerned about using pills.  Although the pills they offered would dissolve in my mouth instead of swallowing them.  Interesting.

However, when I arrived at the clinic, I called my wife to let her know I got there safely, and she proceeded to lay into me that I shouldn't be there at all and if I loved her I would leave.  She knew I was coming and she even came to the first appointment.

She doesn't want me to start HRT until January because when I came out to her last January, I said I wasn't going to do anything for a year except lose weight and get support.  Then a few months later, I started buying clothes.  Then laser.  Now 8 months later, HRT.  I know I'm moving faster than I said I would, but I don't wait to wait anymore.  I don't feel like I can.

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[Ameilia Pond]

I'm sorry that your wife isn't allowing you to take this at the pace, you feel is right for you. I don't see the difference of a few months in making this happen. Especially if it is going to help you with everyday life.

[Jessie Ann]

I've kind of gone through some of those same things with my girlfriend. I had told her that it would probably be a year before I would get breast augmentation. But 6 months after starting HRT I went ahead and had it done. She wasn't particularly happy about my decision but she was with me for my surgery.

Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. It's been said that transitioning is one of the most selfish acts we can do. I'm not so sure that I would go to that extreme because I believe it is a valid medical treatment for a medical condition but sometimes our loved ones don't see it that way.

I think my girlfriend has made great progress in understanding and I hope that your wife can also. My girlfriend lives in Chicago and is seeing her own gender therapist there to help her get through my transition. If you'd like I'd be glad to let you know who she is seeing if you think that would help your wife.

[marie]

...and she proceeded to lay into me that I shouldn't be there at all and if I loved her I would leave.  ....

Hi!

this is looking blackmail, who is loving who here ?

Marie

[ChiGirl]

Well, my 2 week wait is over.  I start HRT tomorrow.  I've got my Spiro with my other daily pills and my estradiol patches next to my bed.  Shave my butt & slap em on!

I want to be more excited, and I am, but I feel like my wife has sucked the joy out of it.  I have to recapture that joy.  Wish me luck!

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[Melanie CT]

ChiGirl
Good for you!
I started low dose of just estrogen and been on it for three months and love the difference in how I feel. I chose by myself not to use Spiro yet because I was not ready for the physical changes to my body but will get there someday.

You'll feel so much better. My thoughts are with you.

Melanie


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[Sharon Anne McC]

*
ChiGirl:  First allow me to second the comments of the others here.  This is for you and you will be a better person for this, with all due respect to your wife. You can still be there for her as she needs to be there for you.  Your imperative is to move at your schedule.  Jessie Ann makes a good suggestion that your wife should see her own therapist to understand your endeavour if she does not want to work with yours on a 'family' counselling basis.

Marie adds to that point that this is for you to be a better you.  If you married 'for better or worse', well here comes the 'better' and there should be no spousal 'blackmail' cajoling you against your will.  During the bad ol' days before marriage equality, even the best marriages were forced into crisis.  Nowadays, you can remain married, unless your wife is looking to use your transition as her excuse to leave you.

Depending upon your dosage and your body's receptivity, you will soon know whether you are doing what you want and need to do, whether you love all the changes and new sensations, or whether you choose another process.

My endocrinologist first tested me on low-dose birth control pills a couple months to determine my initial responce.  I took well to those developments so he started me on my day's full dose taken at morning breakfast.  I developed what I later learned was 'morning sickness', so he told me to spread the pills throughout the day.  That gave me two benefits - no more morning sickness and I maintained a steady ERT balance (no different than your patch).

I have heard from those who take the patches that the hormones do not pass well through the skin plus you are surely paying a premium for them.  I now take plain old generic ERT commensurate to my menopause age (59) that the commercial / chain pharmacies dispence at three-month special pricing and then MediCare reduces further to less than $3 for three months.  Those estradiol pills are not any special dissolving formula, they quickly dissolve under my tongue.  My semi-annual labs show good health 35 years and counting.  So, yes, get in shape and stay healthy.

Enjoy! and HUGGSS.

*

[Paige]

Well, my 2 week wait is over.  I start HRT tomorrow. 

Congrats, I'm really curious to know how it goes with you.  Your situation sounds very similar to mine.

All the best on your journey,
Paige

[awilliams1701]

Even if nothing else were to change, for me the mental changes where I actually feel right were alone worth it. I'm certainly grateful for the other changes though.

[Rachel]

Congratulations.