So since I finally got my hormone levels stabilized (all it took was the addition of a quantity of finasteride that I started earlier this year) I feel like my mind and body are really changing into what I've always wanted them to be.
But I'm also noticing something about how I feel lately. I really do feel like I'm watching a very slow, one-way transformation in myself and just the thought of being on a one way ticket from male to female... well, it feels sexy. Voluntarily undergoing a one-way transformation presses some surprising buttons for me.
I know this isn't just a transformation fetish. I know that every time I remark on how much the screaming inside my head has gone away since I got my androgen levels down. I really do feel more happy and comfortable as a woman. But I can't deny that just the act of transforming, and of knowing I've transformed and I'm past the point of effectively reversing some of the changes (2 1/2 years on HRT), is actually more than a little bit of a turn-on.
Does anyone else feel this way? That you're not just putting on a female persona, that this is you, but that the transformation is itself a very erotic and sexy thing for its own sake? Am I likely to crash once I've "completed" my transformation (if it's ever really "complete")? Or am I going to continue to feel this right and this sexy as the woman I was meant to be?
I really hope so. I'm not just transitioning to have a sexy life but... well... it's a damned nice perk that I didn't expect!
