Coming out to foreigners

[Muscle Matt]

Ok, so I'm at the point I want to start considering coming out at work. Problem is, my bosses are Chinese, and while they speak English really well, there's still a small language barrier. In the winter, I spent 5 minutes trying to explain the difference between sledding and sliding, and in the end I still don't think she understood what I used my inner tubes for.

We always have the news on during the day, and when Caitlyn Jenner came out, my boss got to see a little bit of it, so she's at least aware of trans people, although that's probably the extent of her knowledge on the subject. I've been dressing as male (without binding, cuz I can't) for months now, so I'm hoping she gets a little bit of an idea of what's going on before I talk to her.

I'm not sure if I should pull her aside and talk to her directly, or if I'd be better off talking to her son one night (he's American-born) and have him explain it to her in a mixture of English and Cantonese. I actually want to find a new job, as this one's very taxing and draining the life from me, but I started working for this family 8 years ago, and even if I find a new job, I still have to come out to them. I always refer to them as my Chinese parents, so it's not like once I leave this job I'm never going back. They need to be a part of my transition.

Has anyone had any experience coming out to foreigners? What is the best way to word things in simple English so they might be able to understand better? What all should I explain to them? Also, I see the same exact customers every day, with only a few new customers every day. If anyone has any advice on how to quickly and casually come out to the customers (since I'll be doing it every day for weeks) and co-workers, that would also be appreciated (although it might just be best to wait to go by Matt until after I leave; take the customers out of the equation altogether if possible).

[Laura_7]

Here was someone with also chinese origin:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,189373.msg1686554.html#msg1686554

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
talking to the son might be an idea...
here is a brochure:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf
(on page 7 they talk about stress... well many experience relief...)


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[FTMax]

"You remember Caitlyn Jenner on the news? I'm the opposite. I was born a girl and I want to be a boy. I'm going to start doing this soon. I want my name to be Matt. Would it be okay to call me Matt at work?"

Should work. I'd suggest putting it in writing and asking the son to read through it, be with them when they read it, and be able to clarify any points for them.

I see the same clients every week, and I didn't bother telling them anything until long after I had socially transitioned elsewhere in my life. I came out to everyone work related when I came back from top surgery (5 months on T at the time, 3 months after I had legally changed my name).

[RomeoEcho]

I'm an American living in China now. I've only actually come out to one Chinese person, in order to protect my double life. What I did was avoid using the words trans, transgender, etc. I explained that some people are men, some are women, and some are something else. And I'm not a woman, even though some people think I am, and when I am not at work I live as a man. There was a person that we both know, and he knew me as a man and would she be ok letting him refer to me as "he" and not using any female references to me.

She was surprisingly ok with the whole idea, to the point where I wasn't sure she understood what I was saying. But over time, we've had some other conversations and its become clear that she does understand. She does ask some personal questions, but that's part of the culture, and she tries hard not to be too invasive, recognizing that it's a cultural difference. She's not great with consistency, but she's also managed to do some critical things like referring to me as my parents' son. All in all, it was way more positive of an experience than I'd feared.

It is worth noting though that the culture here isn't really accepting. Most Chinese that leave the country are more likely to have a more western outlook, but it may be worth going the route of the son in order to have it presented more positively. I tried asking her the word for people like me in Chinese, but I wanted to be clear that it was not derogatory, and she didn't understand that part. I also really like the idea of asking the son to be present, in case things get confusing, this can be a quick solution.

[iKate]

Do they have a HR department? Seems like they would be the best to approach first.

[Muscle Matt]

^ Haha, no, we're just a family-owned Chinese restaurant (even most of the Americans who have worked there over the years are related to each other). My "Chinese mom" is the one who handles all the store issues, so she's basically our HR.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I may just do a dry run with the son first, that way when I try to talk to his mom, if there's any kind of misunderstanding, he can step in and help explain things.

I may end up just not coming out to the customers, or going by my male name in the store. I can only bind for very short periods of time, and only every once in a while, so I think it may be more trouble than its worth to try to tell my customers I've changed my name when I'm not able to fully hide my chest (especially since we're next to a bunch of hotels and a military base, and a lot of the customers in our area are Chinese, Pakistani, etc.). But I guess it all depends on how long I continue at this job.

[Muscle Matt]

UPDATE:
My boss' son wasn't around much, so I just told my boss one night before I left. Literally didn't even get out the first sentence and she was telling me that it's ok, I don't have to worry, I need to do what I feel is right for me, etc. I expected her to be ok with it, but had no idea just how ok she would be. What a weight off my shoulders that is.

Chinese people certainly have much bigger hearts than the average American, and I couldn't be more thankful to work for them.

[Laura_7]

UPDATE:
My boss' son wasn't around much, so I just told my boss one night before I left. Literally didn't even get out the first sentence and she was telling me that it's ok, I don't have to worry, I need to do what I feel is right for me, etc. I expected her to be ok with it, but had no idea just how ok she would be. What a weight off my shoulders that is.

Chinese people certainly have much bigger hearts than the average American, and I couldn't be more thankful to work for them.

They sometimes are also more sensitve and its well possible she has got a few clues 

Congratulations 


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