How does one lead a Genderfluid life?

[Claire]

Hi everyone.
I'm 61 and really just starting to TRY and deal with all of these issues. My question is how does one lead a Genderfluid life? I'm not young, I'm not someone who likes attention, so what wold such a life look like? I'm not sure I'm a candidate for GRS (but it's still early so I really don't know). I see people like Justin Vivia Bond and am so impressed they can carve out a life in this moving landscape. Mx Bond is a performer however and that n matter how you express your gender puts you way out there. I just want a quiet simple life with some good friends. I don't think I could take being seen a freak or even an outsider.
Has anyone any experience with this? Can anyone offer advice?
I'm really just starting to work all this out. Any input would be much appreciated.
Dori.

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome 

You could have a look here and the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439


hugs

[cheryl reeves]

ive lived about a genderfluid life as anyone,i can present male or female at whim,all i have to do is shave,i keep to myself for the most part..i dress in a way that is both male or female so to fly under the radar in every day wear..after 40 yrs or so i learned to adapt..

[Claire]

Thank you both for your replies. I'll look at the link Laura posted and I take heart from Cheryl response. It's very reassuring that such a thing is possible. As I said, I'm very private and never like being the center of attention.

Dori.

[Claire]

Oh and Cheryl, you look lovely! Also encouraging.
Thanks again!

[Devlyn]

Hi Dori, I'm 53 and genderfluid/bi-gender..... I'm still working it out.    I present as female, but up close and personal I'm read as male, I speak in a male voice. At our age, people generally leave you alone. Live your life however YOU want to.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Claire]

If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been out with your fluidity? Does it get any easier? Are people generally accepting and has this all been worthwhile? I'm sorry if I'm prying. I don't mean to be.


Dori.

[AbbyKat]

Hi Dori, I'm 53 and genderfluid/bi-gender..... I'm still working it out.    I present as female, but up close and personal I'm read as male, I speak in a male voice. At our age, people generally leave you alone. Live your life however YOU want to.

Hugs, Devlyn

You know... that's a question I've always been afraid to ask "older" trans people.  Now, let me say right now, I don't think you are old but you actually brought it up.

I always wanted to know how true that is.  At my age, I'm under constant scrutiny and risk but I've always wondered what it might be like when I'm a little older.  So is it true?  People normally leave you alone?

[gennee]

Hi Dori. I have been out for over a decade. I live an uneventful life. I still use my male voice.I interact with the public quite a bit. Just enjoy the time out and relax.

[cheryl reeves]

Oh and Cheryl, you look lovely! Also encouraging.
Thanks again!

that pic is a old one i have,i was 35 in that pic,my wife was doing a modeling thing with me in different  outfits..i grew facial hair to divide both sides of who i am,without facial hair i can still pass for fem even without make up..living in central texas in a rural town one learns to adapt,people have gotten used to me with long hair and if its short most dont recognize me..lol

[Dena]

You know... that's a question I've always been afraid to ask "older" trans people.  Now, let me say right now, I don't think you are old but you actually brought it up.

I always wanted to know how true that is.  At my age, I'm under constant scrutiny and risk but I've always wondered what it might be like when I'm a little older.  So is it true?  People normally leave you alone?

Feel free to ask me anything. I am sure I have been clocked even though I attempted to be stealth but only a few times have people ask me about my past and they showed respect when they did it. A good deal of it is my attitude of I don't care what they think and I belong. It's not an in your face belong but a CIS like belong. On the other hand, I am not around very many young people and the few that I am have been taught manners. When people have to make their way in the working world, most quickly learn that you don't have to like the person you work with but you do have to get along. The people I am around understand this and we have a great working relationship.

[leacobb]

Hiya dori, hope your well. Before my operation i had to live a gender flud live for years because of the area where i live. (not a good place to be trans) but with that being said. When i dressed neutral no one really noticed. And i was free to start my transition in peace without the comments..

I think finding your own comfort zone first is very important like what would you feel comftable going out in. ( my first choose was jeans and a purple hoodie)  and just move forward from there..

Good luck dori and i hope this helps you xxx

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[Devlyn]

If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been out with your fluidity? Does it get any easier? Are people generally accepting and has this all been worthwhile? I'm sorry if I'm prying. I don't mean to be.


Dori.

I've been dressing almost exclusively female since earlier this year. There was only one really tense moment, and that was at work. I live in the Boston area, people here are generally enlightened.

You know... that's a question I've always been afraid to ask "older" trans people.  Now, let me say right now, I don't think you are old but you actually brought it up.

I always wanted to know how true that is.  At my age, I'm under constant scrutiny and risk but I've always wondered what it might be like when I'm a little older.  So is it true?  People normally leave you alone?

I think so. Age brings confidence, and it shows.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Claire]

But Genderfluidity doesn't have to lead to transition right? I'm trying to figure out just were this is all going for me and sometimes things feel like it's all going so fast, and at other times not fast enough. I'm trying to embrace who I really am as a whole and not just this piece. All these years of hiding this piece of myself has made me hide all of me from everyone. I feel like no one knows me really.


Dori.

[Dena]

Gender fluid means you define the life you are comfortable with. If you feel more comfortable in the opposite role you might wish to transition without surgery. If your feelings change from day to day, might want to move between role to match your mood. The question is what make you comfortable if you didn't have to worry about society.

[Devlyn]

But Genderfluidity doesn't have to lead to transition right? I'm trying to figure out just were this is all going for me and sometimes things feel like it's all going so fast, and at other times not fast enough. I'm trying to embrace who I really am as a whole and not just this piece. All these years of hiding this piece of myself has made me hide all of me from everyone. I feel like no one knows me really.


Dori.

Absolutely not. Dena pretty much nailed it.

Hugs, Devlyn

[leacobb]

But Genderfluidity doesn't have to lead to transition right? I'm trying to figure out just were this is all going for me and sometimes things feel like it's all going so fast, and at other times not fast enough. I'm trying to embrace who I really am as a whole and not just this piece. All these years of hiding this piece of myself has made me hide all of me from everyone. I feel like no one knows me really.


Dori.

No it doesn't dori, starting to find your self is a personal journey, everyone has there own path.. The best way is to take your time and not rush into anything. You need to feel comftable in whatever you choose to do.. My experiences were very different to yours. I knew from a very young age that my body didnt match my way of thinking but the area where i live it is very hard to be out and open. So i desided to transition under the radar this is how i discovered having a gender neutral life.. It eas just easier for me to do it that way..

But like i said everyones path is different and i think if you are still trying to find the right path for yourself, doing things that way will be easier for you. Just be safe and comftable and you will find your answers.

Good luck xxx

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