first post-op sexperience goes horribly wrong

[Jess802]

This is a way shortened version of what happened. Trying to keep it as clean as possible too.

I am just a week under 3 months post-op as of tonight. I don't usually have a really high sex drive, I'd say pretty average, and especially not much since after surgery. The last month it has been coming back in bits and pieces, and I decided to get some casual partners lined up. Today it hit me like I've never felt before, it felt like I was in heat, and I just needed it, and I did feel quite the tingle "down there" just thinking of a certain someone, who i have just fooled around with before. He doesn't know I'm trans, and seemed quite turned on by my vagina, so that's a win in my book.

Anyway, after not too long, and pretty much zero foreplay, he decided he wanted to be in me (is it ok to talk about this on this forum? I'd), and I told him I have a condition where I can't get moist, so I have to use a jelly. He went along with that and applied some (i told him to use a lot) and started to insert. It hurt. A LOT. I was screaming, but it wasn't a good kind of scream. I guess he couldn't tell the difference, so he kept on trying to insert until it was obvious I was in great pain. We stopped, and it was humiliating and embarrassing beyond belief. I said I probably needed to be romanced more, which I guess he wasn't into. He just drove me home after that. That was my first time attempting any sort of sex at all.

Should it hurt that much the first time? Is it too soon? More lube? What happened??? My surgeon said at three months I should be good to go. I want to enjoy it. Is it supposed to be that painful? He was quite well-endowed, fyi (sorry for all the tmi,  Hope it's ok for me to post this). Any stories or advice welcomed.

[Jess802]

Omg, I think I figured out what happened! I think he was entering my anus, and at the time it hurt too much and then I was too confused and humiliated to realize it. It was really dark and maybe somehow he didn't realize either. I think this because now my anus hurts and I'm having a bit of blood there. So much for my first time!

[SarahSchilling]

LOL

I think you were far too nervous to relax enough for it to be anything but painful in either orifice.

As long as you aren't injured, it was a good experience.

I wouldn't try it, myself...yet. #4 is still pretty uncomfortable and thats when i slowly work it in!

[Cindy]

Maybe next time try with the lights on?

Glad you were not hurt

[Jess802]

Yeah, I'm gonna give it a rest and not try again for a little while. Ugh.

[Cindy]

Dear Jess,

Just to lift your mood.

There was a Mod several years ago who 4 months or so after surgery her friends clubbed together and hired a 'stud' so she could try out her new 'package'.

She found it very difficult to take him, but also her lesbian orientation took over and she ended up with the guys girlfriend instead!

Not sure who ended up more embarrassed!

[suzifrommd]

This is something that makes me nervous. I'm a year post-op but haven't yet had any kind of sexual experience. The only attention I had down there was at a gyn's office, who poked and prodded and had me positively screaming, it was so uncomfortable. I have some tender spots down there, and I'm worried that when the time comes it won't feel good. I'm being super careful whom I choose for my first partner, since I want someone who will be patient and understanding.

Unfortunately, haven't found a man who wants to stick around long enough for me to get to know him.

[Cindy]

One day Suzi, one day. Then relax and enjoy 

[Laura_7]

Jess, first have a big *hug*.

Well I'd say try to relax... maybe even laugh about it, to laugh it off...

ok so now on to what might be learned from it...

well obviously you didn't quite insist on a few things...
remember the saying I have the pussy I make the rules ?

you might say what you want... it can be a huge turnon by the way... saying you like to be kissed... especially behind the ears... on the neck... on your boobies...

and you can make it a bit of an art... undressing slowly...

you might simply say that you need some time until your fire is lighted...
many women do... and there are quite a few people who self lubricate this way over time... there might be a glandular product coming from the urethra, a very slippery substance...

some women know beforehand and have a small applicator filled with lube... and use either the bath or simply use it beforehand...

here is a bit more if you'd like to read more...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194703.msg1734668.html#msg1734668


hugs

[Serenation]

I take the you can have sex at 3 months thing like "you can drive on a space saver tyre." "you can eat raw eggs" or any other thing you can do probably better with a bit of patience and the right tools.

I'm at 3.5 months and still not had sex with my bf, we just enjoy my new bits in other ways. Good luck though hope you have a better experience next time.

[Jess802]

Yes, I've learned to wait a while longer, and ask for what I want. It was just a quick hook up which was a very stupid move on my part. Thanks everyone.

[Laura_7]

Yes, I've learned to wait a while longer, and ask for what I want. It was just a quick hook up which was a very stupid move on my part. Thanks everyone.

Things like this happen.
I'd say try to laugh it off... and have a nice and pleasurable experience next time...
maybe connected with a nice dinner...


hugs

[Jess802]

Good ideas, thanks Laura. :-D

[Jess802]

And it's my body, and I didn't have to give it to him. He was so not worth it.

[Rejennyrated]

Sorry you had a bad first experience. FWIW your experience of pain blood and being left frustrated will almost certainly ring true for many a cis woman, and indeed those of us who, though trans, had SRS young and only really became  sexual after our op.

To be technical for a moment, your idea may be correct but the angle of the pubic arch is narrower in those not exposed to oestrogen at an early age, and thus the required angle of entry may have been different to what he was used to. So he may have been in the right place but thrusting somewhat in the the wrong direction. It has occasionally also happened that men mistake a large urethral opening for a hymen and try to enter that... Conversely too steep an entry angle may result in pressure on the posterior wall of the vagina which could cause some anal discomfort.

Either way guiding a man in with your hand and/or placing a pillow under your buttocks to change the angle of your pelvis may help to ensure better results next time.

[Laura_7]

And it's my body, and I didn't have to give it to him. He was so not worth it.

Well, I'd say book it under lessons learned... and move on to more fulfilling experiences...

you could start nice and slow ... 
well.. something to look forward to... 

hugs

[OCAnne]

Hello Jess802 and Everyone, glad it was just a wrong turn.  This is just the circumstance I was looking to avoid but few offered input.  Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194703.0.html

So glad I did not hookup last night despite my fumbling preparation plan.  Perhaps I should forget love, romance and any virginal hangups and just go for the human version of a dilator first time out.  The only man I have found (online dating) with post-op experience is 7.5 inches long and describes himself as wide!  Not sure that's going to work, he might break me!  Went on to say he could only get it in a couple of inches with his previous post-op woman experience.

Lets help out the newbies (me) and pass your experience with first time out intercourse forward.  Lets concentrate on thumbs up instead of hugs, even though they are nice to get as well.
Many of us I am sure are eager to learn. 
Thank you in advance,
Anne

[Jenna Marie]

I'm afraid I haven't ever had sex with a man, so there's not much advice I can offer there - my wife has penetrated me various ways, but it's a different story when there's no organic penis involved offering its own opinions. Anyway, the main suggestion (given that it might have been the wrong orifice) is that it's not uncommon for cis women to have to guide a man inside, and you can work on doing that in a way that's sexy and natural. I think this is something you can practice with a dilator to some extent; if you can put it in without a mirror, you're most of the way to being able to do the same with someone else. Or at least that's been my experience, but since I wasn't with a guy, who knows. Still, it can't hurt.

3 months post-op is also very early, and as Serenation says, I also took that advice as the very earliest something might be possible but I preferred to wait quite a bit longer.

[Jess802]

So anyway, my intercourse plans set aside for the time being, i have decided to finally start trying to pleasure myself. I have yet to really try anything by myself, but today I was still feeling frisky from being completely unsatisfied yesterday, so I tried the "pillow method" where you stick a pillow between your legs and roll around, and I was talking on the phone with this other friend with benes who also doesn't know I'm T (so happy about that btw, there was a time not too long ago that I didn't think I would ever pass), but who is much more patient and loving than that other a*hole. And I was telling him what I was doing, etc... and it felt AMAZING!! There really is so much sensitivity down there. I didn't get to climax, but it was my first time trying and I probably didn't give it enough time, I'm kind of impatient sometimes lol. I'll get to that Big O eventually. So I stopped but told him that I climaxed. I just really wanted to test out the goods, probably shouldn't have tried intercourse before I practiced on myself haha. Live and learn. And thank you so much for the advice and words of wisdom everyone

[Laura_7]

Hello Jess802 and Everyone, glad it was just a wrong turn.  This is just the circumstance I was looking to avoid but few offered input.  Post: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194703.0.html

So glad I did not hookup last night despite my fumbling preparation plan.  Perhaps I should forget love, romance and any virginal hangups and just go for the human version of a dilator first time out.  The only man I have found (online dating) with post-op experience is 7.5 inches long and describes himself as wide!  Not sure that's going to work, he might break me!  Went on to say he could only get it in a couple of inches with his previous post-op woman experience.

Lets help out the newbies (me) and pass your experience with first time out intercourse forward.  Lets concentrate on thumbs up instead of hugs, even though they are nice to get as well.
Many of us I am sure are eager to learn. 
Thank you in advance,
Anne

Well basically you have two options:
you could look for hookups (remember safety rules) and say what you want. Some say a feeling of attraction should be there...
and the feeling of partnership might be missing...

or you could go for someone you feel you have something in common with, you can trust and say what you want... many people say this is better because a feeling of openness and trust is there...

all in all I'd say don't be nervous...
you could try to dilate a bit beforehand, and excuse yourself and use the bathroom, having an applicator ready... and some do get wet if they are sufficiently aroused...


hugs