Need to get this out

[Sharon Anne McC]

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Raven:

The way I read your improvements in perspective during this past week I want to nick-name you Phoenix - as in the bird that rises from the ashes to new life.

All without your endocrinologist and ERT!  You are doing so well, I would have been scared.

I previously had not bothered with my Birth Certificate; the state sealed it.  I'm in a fight now to obtain it or some other facsimile for my passport - the state refuses to release anything to me.  My perspective is that your court order supersedes your Birth Certificate.  So ... unless you really really need a Birth Certificate that your birth state marks, maybe the better decision is to wait for future improvements - maybe by the state legislature or by U.S. Congress and federal law.

Getting my ears pierced did not hurt.  That was my experience, though I have heard and read others report of great pain.  Yep, it is quite curious how we think of the complexity of such a simple act of piercing our ears while we have an easy decision about the rightness of transition, hormones, and all the inherent procedures and surgeries (electrolysis, thyroid shave, BA, VFS, FFS, GCS / SRS).

Yes, Raven, our most mundane times are pure, heavenly achievement:  re-decorating and painting our home, house work, yard work, shopping for wardrobe, socialising.  Allow me to again recommend charity re-sellers as a good place to donate your 'dead name' clothing that you no longer need and to find your new attire at greatly reduced prices.

Your story posted here is one of your own great courage and achievement that others new in their transition will find quite helpfull.  I'm glad that your daily writing is helping you.

You know it, too, Raven, how all those compliments from strangers at the store or on the street really boost your ego to do better yourself.  I am also quite impressed with your co-worker of four years who realised that you are a better 'you' for becoming Raven.  You are being a better 'you' as Raven than your 'before' you because you are a real 'you' as Raven and not a false 'you' as your 'before' you.  Your real 'you' personality shines.  You no longer feel that need to pretend your self because you are now your true self - a really nice, good person.  Your employees and co-workers like 'you' Raven compared to the 'before' you.

What did I tell you about people slipping into your 'dead name'?  When everyone realises it is accidental, it loses its sting of derision or un-acceptance.

Since today is Friday, I hope all is proceeding well at court and SSA.  I will check back here in a day or two to read what happened - that all went smoothly.

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[RavenL]

Sharon,

The name Phoenix is so sweet! Thank you!

I've probably said this before on this post. But one of the reasons I went ahead and went full time is it made me happy. And while I have had some bumps in the road I'll admit it beats being miserable all the time. Plus I've always been the person where if someone says it can't be done I have to try and see if it can be done. I guess a few things I do have going for me is people are commenting that I already have a very female form. Something I actually paid attention to in the mirror today. Noticing that I actually have some curves which is nice.

I agree on the birth certificate its no major concern of mine right now. So it can just sit where I have it right now and be on its own.

I almost got my ears pierced this week and actually planned to. But somehow I kind of forgot about it oh well that gives me something to do next week. And more stuff to start buying!

For the dead name clothes I actually donated pretty much everything a few days before going full time. Some other stuff I gave to a friend. And well today while digging in my closet I found a shirt and shoes in pretty bad shape. So I threw them in the garbage and can say now my entire wardrobe is 100% female. And I'm already running out of closet space!

I haven't really gone to any charity re-sellers as of yet. I was actually planning to go to a Goodwill to look around today. But decided I spent enough money and had stuff I needed to do at home anyway.

As for court and SSA well the week kind of got away from me. So I wasn't able to touch bases with either place I know bad Raven is bad. I'll admit I should have done that instead of shopping oh well.

An interesting thing is at my therapist appointment yesterday. He commented that I've really taken to acting very feminine and even more so then Cisfemales which made me happy. It was kind of interesting since this week I didn't have really any personal troubles so we mostly talked about my changing views and how my real personality is coming out. 

I also did a lot more work on my voice it kind of had it somewhat passable yesterday. And actually felt confident enough to use it. When to McDonald's just for a lemonade and got gendered right at the start of the order and at the end. Also ended up going to the mall which was kind of an experience. I've been doing a lot of shopping at Forever 21 since they have a lot of clothes I like. And the clerk has seen me a lot and she started saying how nice my fashion sense is. I couldn't pick up if she knew I was trans or not she just treated me like a regular customer. Had the something happen at another two stores. Both clerks talked to me about clothes and everyday stuff.

I think I finally realize now why its going easier. My mind finally feels comfortable with myself. As Dena said I'm falling into the day to day grind. I don't look in the mirror every five minutes wondering if I'm passable. I just go out and I'm myself I'm Raven and I'm female! And that is helping me along greatly. Just today I worse a nice sleeveless pink top with a coral design skirt. Two months ago I wouldn't have worn anything sleeveless this time I just wore it.

I feel like at this point a lot of the major obstacles are out of the way not counting legal and medical things. And my biggest issue right now since I've mastered eyeliner. Is trying to figure out how to wear shorter skirts!

[Sharon Anne McC]

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Raven:

If you enjoy craftworking, you might enjoy making your own jewelry:  bracelets, earrings, necklaces.  It is simple, creative, and a way to see accomplishment.  Quite honestly, I started when I saw jewelry and accessories - and their high prices.  I studied the items at the store, went to a craft store to buy supplies, and started making my own.  If I find something I like at the store, I study the pieces used and how it was created.  If I have those similar pieces, then I re-create my own version; otherwise I'll purchase more supplies.

When I lived at New Mexico during the 1970s, I did not quite have the crafts bug, but I recall a neighbour would invite me to ride with him to Gallup as company.  He would stop at the Native American craft stores and purchase supplies to create his own styled jewelry.

So if you give it a try, don't worry about making mistakes early - that will be how you learn what to  make.  Also, you can dismantle whatever you don't like and re-work it or start from scratch.

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It is great reading your post how you are pleased with your therapist's complements.

I am also pleased for you having your many positive experiences:  restaurants, stores, clothing shops, the mall.  The people who meet you are picking up on your positive 'vibe' and respond with their own positivity.  There is also that back-to-mundane life - a certain sweetness to life being 'normal'.  When you act 'normal', others act 'normal' with you.

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Keep practising your voice and inflections.  Study how other females talk - words, mannerism, pitch, facial expressions - imitate as best as possible what feels comfortable for your developing style.  No one will know that you are staring (innocently enough) if you watch TV or a movie with a critical eye; you can also pause and replay if you have it on VHS or DVD.

If you can sing, find a female vocalist whom you consider similar; practise your voice in song along with hers, record your voice with hers, and compare how well your voices match.  BTW, my singing voice was similar to Karen Carpenter - a near-perfect harmony match.  Unfortuneately, I suffered a series of illnesses through the years that damaged my singing voice but not my speaking voice.

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I hope I am not too intrusive with this next question.  Have you begun arranging appointments for electrolysis?  If you are part of a local transsexual group, then the others will likely direct you to someone reliable.

I hated that shadow on my face that shaving did not resolve no matter how hard I scraped.  I found that I could pluck my hairs and get a better appearance - no shadow, the results can last a couple days, and my facial skin was smooth again.  Worth it for maybe the hour it took before bed-time while watching TV.  My electrologist mentioned to me that plucking contributed to destroying the hair follicle and prepared my face for the feel of the electrolysis process that made the hair go away permanently.  I have read posts of others who report electrolysis is painfull for them; my treatments did not hurt.  My electrologist used witch hazel to sooth my skin during her work; I continued that at home for the next day or so.

I went maybe once or twice each month on Saturday afternoons.  It was exciting watching the results though early sessions seemed to show little removed because she was zapping the longer hairs scattered throughout my face.  Eventually she targeted areas.  My chin cleared, my area around my mouth cleared, my neck cleared, my cheeks cleared.  I no longer plucked; she went into final clean-up mode zapping my hairs as they went through their final cycles.

Others here report using laser for their facial hair.  Maybe that will work for you instead if electrolysis.  I understand there are home laser devices or you can go to a professional.  Find what works best for you.

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You commented about 'passing'.  It seems you are well beyond that stage:  'I'm myself I'm Raven and I'm female!'.  You are passed that passing question once you have the mind-set you wrote - you are you - you are female.  This 'passing' issue was discussed elsewhere here at another forum and came to this same discussion when concern for passing ends.  You are progressing quite well!

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So you are going for shorter skirts, Raven.  They entirely complicate your modesty - probably not something for work.  You will need your female friends to teach you what you need to know - how to move, sit, walk.

Leave it to my Catholic up-bringing.  I attended Catholic school; the nuns embarrassed the girls who wore short attire that did not touch the floor when they knelt.  Among my wardrobe, I have only two skirts that are above my knees.

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Well, Raven, this week it will be time to resume your court and SSA responsibilities.  Your court papers for your new name and legal sex identification to female will certainly document the reality of your change.  Then it's next stop motor vehicles for your drivers licence.  That will be a grand ego boost to your self-confidence.  If your court papers meet SSA specification, you can also get your name change and female sex identification completed at SSA; be certain the SSA agent provides that receipt to you confirming your legal name and sex identification change.

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Enjoy! and HUGGSS.

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[RavenL]

This should be interesting. I'm sleepy but can't sleep right now and just got done with my four day forty hour work week.

I've kind of thought about working on jewelry but not sure if I need another hobby. I've started cross stitching but I haven't even had much time for that. Along with that I enjoy reading but that doesn't happen much at all, also throw in cooking. Whatever it beats playing video games for hours on end. Plus I don't have red eyes from looking at a screen all the time. 

Didn't have a lot of time to work on my voice so far this week. I know most of the time I sounded horrible but oh well I'll improve some more on my days off. I guess the weird thing is I don't have any trouble on my days off focusing on my voice but while working I fall into bad habits. Like you said I have been paying attention to the way other females talk both in person and while watching movies. One of the main reasons I guess that everything I'm watching now is aimed at females I guess. One thing that is helping is as much as I don't care for it is I am Cait. If anything I'm learning how not to act and talk from Caitlyn Jenner. Which in a way is interesting since figured out that I was transgender around the same time she came out publicly. Not that I'm bashing her or anything but it goes to show that spending four million dollars on FFS and BA does not help you pass unless you make the effort. And something just from watching she is not doing a lot of yet.

As for singing I love singing! And pretty much sing to every song while driving. As for a singer that I can kind of get in the range of it has to the the singer from Lorde. She has kind of a deeper voice and the few times I've recorded myself singing along with her I can match her pitch. Still a lot of work to go but I'll do it.   

For electrolysis/laser I was kind of sitting back and waiting till I knew living full time as female is for me. And I figure at this point I might as well go ahead with it now. I mean I've gone more then a month full time at this point and pretty much enjoy it. Most likely I'm going to have to go with  electrolysis since my hair is on the lighter side kind of reddish blonde. But I'm going to message a laser clinc tomorrow morning and see what they say. From what I understand if they have newer equipment the laser will work on light hair. If not its going to be electrolysis not really afraid of the pain. Since I've had my head split open, been run over, had a 3,330lb pallet run over my foot. So if laser won't work I've found two places that do electrolysis.

I'll just be happy to start killing the stupid facial hair and be done with it. I'm just thankful that every where else I don't have a pile of hair and with HRT most of that will turn to really light like down hopefully!

As for skirts as I've said before even longer skirts at work wouldn't work. Just tonight I was having to crawl on the floor and get on ladders. So as much as wearing a nice khaki or black skirt would make me happy its not possible. That is until hopefully I become a salaried manager later on this year/early next year.   

As for learning from female friends on wearing shorter skirts hardly any of them do. So I've been pretty much figuring it out on my own mostly at home right now. But I have gone to the mall and haven't had much trouble. I naturally have always kept my legs closer together while walking and always crossed my legs while sitting. And also know how to sit and get up in one. I guess it helps that since the middle of June on my  days off I haven't worn anything but skirts. The day I don't have to wear pants I most likely never will again. The biggest thing is remember not to bend down!

As for court and SSA that is going to happen tomorrow. Wednesday is going to boring paperwork/cleaning day. Along with donating books to my library. Also thinking about getting another wig possibly maybe a little longer or a different color. But I will have to see how my day goes.

Oh and this week for me was um, interesting to say the least. Saturday and Sunday were pretty ok days did not get called sir just ma'am and miss. But I swear Monday I don't know what was going on. But I got clocked like seven times by little kids! I can't imagine why as I haven't had that problem. The only thing I can think of is I used some different foundation and wasn't that happy with it and didn't think it looked good on me. So maybe they picked up on that? I shouldn't have let it bother me but it did when one kid yelled out loudly "That's a boy!" And then rest of the day I got looks from I swear every kid under the age of eight. Whatever I told myself tomorrow is a new day lets make the best of it.

Well wouldn't you know it? Today not one kid even looked at me apart  from one curious little girl as she walked by me but granted I watched her as she walked by one of my department supervisors and did the same to him. But got called ma'am by two customers tonight. I don't think one lady knew what to thing when she called me ma'am and said there was a big spill and why I would have a smile on my face. And then another older gentleman told me miss your shoe is untied. I guess what I did today is before I got out of my car I just thought I'm going to own this today. Plus I did one thing I remembered I haven't been doing keeping my shoulders pulled back and really watching how I walked and stood. And just doing that seemed to help out greatly.

Well that's enough for tonight it was Tuesday when I started writing and now its Wednesday. 

[Sharon Anne McC]

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Raven:

Yep.  Hobbies can be fun - as long as you have time for them and they interest you.

The Public Library will begin a weekly class in sewing for the next three weeks; I am planning to attend those.  I have a few hand-made items that I wear - literally made by hand because I have no sewing machine.

I do not have the wherewithal to cook and bake, I usually cook in my slow-cookers and microwave oven.  I enjoy watching the PBS cooking shows then I devise many good, simple recipes for my own type of cooking. 

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I found YouTube videos of M-F practising their voices.  If you have home Internet for privacy, they may be able to help you with your voice.  Stay with Lorde as long as you feel comfortable in her range.  Your practising will strengthen your voice at her range.  You will eventually become natural to her range singing and it may help influence your comfort in your speaking voice.  I noticed comments from those YouTube videos that many people likewise had that nervousness not knowing how well their starting voice would sound until they found their correct pitch.  As any conductor will say, 'Practise, practise, practise'.  In the car, at home. taking a walk.  Practise and your female voice WILL became your natural voice right from the start.

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If one is a M-F true transsexual, then simply wearing a dress and growing your hair long is not likely your complete answer.  Nor adding all the money one can spend on facial operations.  Of course, each of us has our own definition of our own female-hood same as any other female.  Caitlyn commented during her ABC interview that she does not want GCS / SRS.  I can allow my respect to Caitlyn that she is as she is - a celebrity.  Meanwhile, I am as I am - an anonymous person struggling and making my way in life.

You, Raven, have done far better in your past several weeks than Caitlyn during all her decades.  You have done it without ERT and the niceties which Caitlyn and other celebrities have at their disposal.  I really commend you for all your hard work; your serious efforts will be successfull in the long run.

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Yes, Raven, I also have read that newer laser systems now work on lighter hair colors.  Laser probably goes much quicker than getting that probe inserted into each hair follicle - one by one.  Plus, if your facial hair is limited to small areas, then that will reduce the time to remove it all.  You will begin to feel more feminine as all that facial hair goes away and that you no longer need to shave or pluck.  Think of all the time you will save each day and all the money you will save not buying shaving gear.

If you do electrolysis, the electrologist can adjust the intensity of the 'zap'.  A lower intensity may take more time but at least it will reduce any pain you feel.  Allow her to increase the level to where you can accept them then go with that level as long as you are comfortable.  You might be surprised that you can accept far more than you might initially have thought.  You might develop a tolerance that will allow her to increase the strength as you progress.

A respectable electrologist will also allow a 'complimentary' session - show you her device and how she uses it.  She may also give a brief treatment for you.  She knows you are in it for the long term, not grandma looking to zap a few chin hairs in one sitting.  She will sell herself and her work so you hold a certain command negotiating terms not otherwise posted.  She may be willing to provide a special deal for you, it will be worth it to ask.

My electrologist began on low intensity and allowed me to increase my strength.  She also soothed my skin with witch hazel as she did her work; that felt good to the skin.  Once I was on full-strength, my electrologist required less time at each follicle and she could zap more follicles each session.  My end came really fast; then a few touch-ups along the way.

Body hair can be different.  I was extremely hairy all over my body as a 'boy'.  Some kids teased me that I was 'hairy as a bear' and I hated it.  If only they saw me today!  My body hair gradually diminished to nothing; I have no body hair except those couple places and it is feminine. It is also nice not to shave my legs these past 30-some years; I feel for women who shave their legs, arms, and elsewhere.  I have been reading these past few months that ERT can likewise make much go away naturally for many M-F - to match a sister or other female family member.  If your natural body hair is sparse now, then ERT may be all you need.

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Some work sites provide changing rooms or lockers to dress from public clothes to work attire; or you could use the rest room stall.  You could arrive at work dressed as you choose, change into work pants, then change back to your street clothes at the end of your shift.

*

I hope all went well at court and SSA.  They may seem like big hurdles today.  Once complete, they will quickly appear as mole hills in your rear-view mirror.  Getting them done will be another ego boost and one more item to mark as compoleted on your check-list.  You will smile for days on end.

Since you are 'out' at work, your work-mates and supervisor might be impressed - you can show your court and SSA papers to those who are especially supportive to you; not limited to your HR people who may need copies for your personnel file. You are so fortuneate to be accepted at your same employer during your transition.  Many employers are coming around yet many other employers are finding ways to fire transsexuals directly or through subterfuge.  I posted my 'coming out' story here at another 'Susan's' forum ('Transgender talk » Topic:  Has anyone come out subtly at work?')

There is an added bonus for you at work if your management who has approved you to transition at work sees your papers.  You made goals, you set yourself on a path toward your goals, you took reasoned steps along that path to reach your goals, and now you have succeeded attaining your goals.  That is a quality that your superiors ought to take note.

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I had another bit of moral support today.  As I have written, to me it NEVER gets old, it IS re-affirming to my soul - 35 years later it still feels good.

I'm working on a task that required me to go to a school office to obtain information.  I approached the desk; the woman in charge asked if I were a mom there for the day's mother-daughter event.  'Nope', I replied; I proceeded to take care of my business and departed.

Yep. Every time is ALWAYS a good time for moral and mental support.  The woman in charge of a mother-daughter event asked me if I was the 'mother' to a daughter.  How sweet that was!

Raven, NEVER let that feeling get old and routine.  You will have earned each and every one of these compliments.  No one outside your confidence need know why you have that 'big smile'.  Confidence builds more confidence. You are there. Good going!

I still have my own 'big smile' from that school proctor.

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If it is okay, Raven, I will send an off-site PM about another issue that may stretch beyond 'family' viewing.  It is a tip that you may need to know as you progress through your early stages of transition.

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Enjoy! and HUGGSS.

*

[RavenL]

Ah I had most of my reply written out till my computer froze!!!!

I guess at the moment I don't really have a hobby. Well if you can call decorating a hobby which I'm enjoying a lot!

I do love to cook and bake just time is kind of thin for me. A couple weeks ago I did spend close to six hours cooking and baking and ended up with no room in my refrigerator at the end of the day. Most of the time I'm happy to make a lite salad but I do enjoy cooking Thai and Chinese food also.

I have watched many voice training videos on YouTube and have learned some neat tips. As for practicing with singing that is not a problem. As I sing all the time in my car, at home and even while shopping! One thing that is nice is my therapist commented yesterday that my voice is very steady and sounds feminine and not forced. I'm not having trouble dropping into the lower registers any longer. And now it takes effort to use my old voice and feels weird to me, I guess that is what happends after not trying to use it.

As for how far I've come without hormones and stuff like Caitlyn. Well I've done some thinking about that. I do have to admit I've started out with an alright body. I already have kind of an hourglass shape, shoulders are not much wider then a bio female, body is proportioned nicely. Also I'm happy with my face even if it is a tad long but one lady I knew shared almost the excat same facial structure as me.

So I don't know if I would've started out with a more maculine body if I would have jumped into everything so quick. The first time I did put on a dress and hair and looked in the mirror I did realize that I did have something to work with, and with some work I would see the real me in the mirror.

As for facial hair removal planned to schedule something but time got away from me this week. Not really afraid of the pain as I've done some plucking and it doesn't bother me that much. Plus I do kind of have a high pain tolerance.

Body hair hopefully I won't have to worry about it and E might take care of it. My arm hair is super light and thin, leg hair is kind of thick but it goes so slow! Chest hair um was never really bad and before I started shaving it off it was really weak. I could pull one hair out with no force and feel nothing. So I'm hoping with E it just goes away and back hair well nothing there.

For changing clothes at work its not big deal for me. As I only live eight minutes from my work and at the end of the day I'm so worn out I don't care if a chicken is nesting on my head!

Court was interesting to say the least. I doubled checked my name change papers everything is in order and good to go. I asked about the gender change and the clerk had no idea and asked a lawyer about it. She stated that he said all I had to do was fill out some forms and add it to my name change. The clerk then let me know they had a free service with a lawyer going on that day. Well I sat down at 1PM and it was 4:30PM before I finally got in. It was really boring but I did use that time to my advantage. Since phones were not allowed I just watched females and studied how they walked, talked etc. So I feel that I learned more then a few things in those hours. When I did finally ge to the lawyer she actually thought I was a bio female and said I must be wearing heels since I was so tall. I told her no I wasn't and I guess my voice passed since she just asked how tall I was. I replied 6'2 and a good reason for that. So I discussed changing my gender and actually stumped her and she did not have any info either just like me. She gave me a few numbers of other people to call to see if they knew and as of yet no one has called me back.

As for SSA they were super busy this week so it was a no go for me. I won't know probably till Thursday if they do expect my therapists letter as Wednesday my court hearing is at 10:30 and SSA closes at noon so that would be cutting it super close. I guess if worse comes to worse I'll just wait till the endo letter at this point or hope that I get a call back next week. I don't mind filing another thing for court it just would have been nice to get both done at once. Also I really don't have the option now to add it to my name change hearing as Monday is a holiday and I can't get off work Tuesday. Oh well Raven let that be a lesson to you.

As for work being accepting, well lets just say I'm leaving every one else in the dust! And I'm the one that people are coming to for advice and help with stuff. Plus it was awesome last night when a manager radioed me and asked me to find a male worker to lift something heavy. A few weeks ago I would have been told to do it! So everyone has pretty much come around to me now and see's me as female. While I have had a couple guys try to talk down to me I have made it clear that I mean business!

Along with that one manager did bring up this week that I should really think about applying the upper management quickly. So its nice everyone sees me for my work ethic and not something else.

And that's an awesome story that she thought you were a mom! I know the feeling when it leaves you smiling as I had a few this week as well.

Wednesday, well the lawyer thinking I was a bio female made me smile. Also while shopping at my work two of my kind of friends told me I looked like a fashion model. Along with that some veterans were raising money for homeless vet's so the guy asked me ma'am would you like to donate some money? Well after getting called that how could I not?  Thursday while at the mall parking lot I was dressed really feminine and looked really good. And I saw two guys walking about oh fifty feet away and I felt eyes on me and sure enough a couple seconds later I heard to whistles. That had me smiling for a good five minutes or so. While shopping I was looking for a skirt and actually got brave enough to ask for help and didn't get a second look from the clerk. Another lady at a store offered to help me and said how awesome I looked! And even while at another store's parking lot one lady said I looked really pretty.

I should also add that since I don't have breasts yet of course I did buy some very nice forms the other day. And what a difference they have made for me! I went with a c cup since it matches my body really well. And lets just say I've started to notice guys looking at my chest a lot more often now. While at one store the guy that was ringing me I could tell was talking to my chest and not me and he realized it and had said oh that necklace is really neat!

Also had to do more grocery shopping at my work today and the vets were still collecting money. And the guy told me that I looked stunning. So those comments really made my week for me and makes everything worth it.

I would like to add more but I'm going to work at 5AM and need to get some sleep.

Also I got the PM and I'll look over it now.

[Sharon Anne McC]

Raven:

How long have you resided at New Mexico?  How are you for a day trip or over-nighter?  Do you get a chuckle about 'One of Our Fifty Is Missing'?

Have you been to El Moro yet?  It is a short drive South of Grants.  Many early European explorers (1500s) passed through the area and scripted their 'graffiti' on the rocks.  It's all quite historic.  That was not too far from where I lived and worked (Ramah, Pinehill).

Then there are Navajo activities at Gallup and Window Rock, a little farther West along I-40 (Window Rock a jog North of Gallup).  They hold fairs when you can buy rugs, apparel, jewelry for really special prices.  My dad made very good deals for great Navajo crafts and art work.  You can get ideas for your home decorating Navajo-style.

*

Thai food, eh.  Are you getting your taste buds ready for your GCS / SRS trip to Thailand?  Have you tried making ginger frog legs?  Yummy!

*

Good for you about your voice work.  It is good to know that your voice is feminising naturally and that you get to it as you speak; you now know it is natural when you no longer think about it.  You also know you are making good progress now that you have a complication getting into a 'dead name' male voice.  My voice did not change because what puberty I had was late and about the time I began ERT.  I did not have much of a 'male' voice.  I was trying to do something for a friend last week and create a 'male' voice; I could not quite get it.  So yeh, Raven, you can lose your male voice once your female voice becomes natural.  Yep, many VFS patients have graciously posted their results, their exercises, and some courageously post their before voices.  Copying their exercises can help develop your feminised voice.  The VFS patients' changes are quite dramatic and real.

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One early counsellor commented that I, too, have a 'long face'.  She advised me to avoid parting my hair in the middle - that would create a long line from top of the head to the chin.  Instead, she advised bangs, a side part, or a style with no part to break up the long.  I then went to bangs for many years.  I looked at old ID cards with my middle part and she was so correct!  I've been growing out my bangs recently and moving to a side part for a difference.

It helps you that you do have a great physical start.  It means you will be easier to transition without all the other issues - especially FFS.

Your age is also on your side.  Transitioning young (26) is far easier than when you are older (say for example 46) and your body has had many years - decades - to masculinise.  It is that much more difficult for your exogenous estrogen to do its work if your began later.

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My electrologist advised me that my plucking was a double-edged sword.

She told me that plucking could add extra sessions if there were dormant follicles she was unable to zap.  My appointments were on a Saturday, so I withheld plucking on Friday and maybe even Thursday to give her plenty of hairs long enough to zap.  My appointments spanned enough years to make dormant follicles irrelevant.

Then there are the good points about plucking.  She told me it contributes to destroying your roots which makes electrolysis killing that damaged root much easier.  Then, as you are noticing, you are developing a tolerance of pain that will transfer to your tolerance of the electrolysis zapping the follicle.  You can test your pain by plucking a hair from somewhere else and you'll recognise how well you have progressed.  Thus, if your electrologist can use a higher strength on her device, then you can finish your treatment that much faster.

Your plucking will be less frequent as you progress through your electrolysis.  Instead of daily it might go to every other day, then to weekly, then to no more because her zapping will match your growth.  Then to no more plucking period and no more electrolysis.  You will enjoy all that as you continue.  Mark another confidence-builder completed.

Your description makes it seem likely that ERT will resolve all body hair (arms, legs, chest) and you should feminise without any further work.  Again, you will likely get a boost to your self-confidence when your body hair diminishes.

*

As I read you re-count your exploits at court, the lawyers, and SSA, I recall to mind what I have written here and elsewhere:  my only regret in my change was not doing x-y-z better.  So much of transition is a one-time act.  You never know what will happen so the best you can do is what you can do at the time you do it.  You did what you could do for court as best as you could do at that time.

I went to the Arizona Superior Court's court self-help clinics asking your same questions earlier this year when it appeared SSA was demanding I submit a third set of court papers to correct their mistakes on my name and sex change that I completed way back in 1978 and again in 2007.  Three self-help attourneys also were not certain - same as it seems of yours now.  The Arizona attourneys told me that I had nothing to lose by adding the legal sex change to the name change.  They said that the worst that could happen was a 'No' and the best could be a state constitutional change or precedent assuring that no one in any future motion could be denied their request.  With that in mind, though you are a different state, maybe you can complete those addendum papers for your legal sex change, submit them with your name change papers, and make your verbal addendum during your presentation to the judge, or at least make that a verbal motion at your hearing.  The worse your judge can do is say 'No' to your written and verbal motion; for me at Arizona, the judge gave her 'Yes' to my papers and to my verbal presentation in my past court orders.

SSA did not demand that third set of court orders from me so I did not test my court self-help attourneys' recent recommendation.  Nor am I eager to blow $400 on current court costs for something that I do not need; maybe I'm selfish on that, but $400 is 30% of my monthly income.  If anyone reading this is from Arizona and planning their legal papers, then you have this charge to make it precedent for those who will follow you.

I'm so happy for you, Raven, the way everyone at your court meetings were perceiving you as female.  That must be another confidence-boost as well as it should help you at your hearing with the judge.

You also did well using your time to observe and study.  You work is showing in your presentation.

*

As you have written in this thread and continue here, your real personality is coming forth; it replaced your 'dead name' personality.  Others in your life like you Raven compared to you your 'dead name' self.  This is so good for your confidence.  I read in your first post to this thread how you were so miserable and thought your work environment was really bad.  Now that you are changed from 'dead name' to Raven and your true personality is working, your outlook is better and those at work see that better you.  They come to you because you Raven is a better person that you 'dead name'.  Your other co-workers are also learning that neither your employer nor you accept unacceptable behaviour toward you.  That is commendable for your employer considering that many employers will either blatantly or surreptitiously find ways to harass transsexuals - there are no federal laws or protections since our transsexualism is not considered a disability (of course) but neither are we protected in a minority consideration as are LG and B (go figure).  Your employer is complimenting you by asking you to apply for promotional consideration.  They see something in you - probably again because the you Raven is a far better person than the 'dead name' you.

*

You beat me to it, Raven, when I PM'ed you.  The proper size is what matches your body.  You are having quite an experience with a chest now, aren't you.  This is a tough subject because it can bring that confidence.  On the other hand, some perceive certain male behaviour (wolf whistles, stares at your chest) as boorish, intrusive, and sexist.

* 

Keep your memories of all those events that make you smile.  Write them in your journal.  Read them whenever you need a boost from any period of doubt.

'I don't care if a chicken is nesting on my head!'   I am laughing at that one.  Good, Raven!  Is that an Alabama-ism?  I like that.  Sometimes I, too, get so tired I can crash to sleep anywhere.

Take care - Enjoy! - HUGGSs

*

[buttertly]

A cold can give an atrocious outlook. I never pass when I'm sick. Trans troubles compound.

Honestly, if there's any doubt, take a pause. I think you look great though!

[RavenL]

Hi Sharon,

I've been in New Mexico since 1990 till now pretty much apart from a move to Ohio from 1998-1999. Right now I'm OK with a day trip or just an over night stay. Its funny you bring it up as I've been thinking about going to Taos lately. And yes One of Our Fifty is Missing does make me chuckle. When I worked at a JCPenney call center here I had people refuse to talk to me when they asked where I was from since they thought oh you must not speak English since you are from Mexico. When I lived in Ohio it was horrible as well as I got told you don't look like you are from Mexico or have a last name.

I've never gone to El Moro but on a few family trips we did pass close by. As for home decorating Navajo style while I do like the work and style its not for me. My father really loved it and the house that I inherited was done in the style. That's were all my redecorating effort is  going to now its slowly becoming a safari/Africa them. With some Asian stuff thrown in as well.

I'm not huge on traveling but within the next few weeks with a new drivers license. I am going going to visit the zoo and art museum since I won't need to avoid pulling out my ID any longer.   

Thai food I love Thai food and curry and the hotter the better! I have a favorite Thai restaurant that makes the best Thai basil with chili sauce yum! As for frog legs just thinking about that makes me feel ill, as I am vegetarian. 

Now about the voice work I've been doing. It was weird for me today I think since I was kind of worn out from only getting little over an hour of sleep. I thought I was doing alright with it when a customer asked miss and I started talking and she said sorry for thinking you were female. OK, no bigge an hour later another customer asked for help and I made sure I sounded feminine and got thank you ma'am. I guess that's my biggest mountain to climb right now. Is getting my brain used to talking feminine while also having to think of an answer to questions right on the spot. As usually I go with advice I got from Dena which is thinking before you speak as that helps with the voice work. But when someone wants an answer right away its really hard or when I'm in a meeting. But it will get better with time and I made my mind up for tomorrow to really crack down on my voice and focus!

And for hair and the long face I knew right away bangs would help with that. Its no problem for me as I love bangs even if they were kind of annoying at first. And I won't even think about trying another hair style without them. Much like you if I parted it down the middle it wouldn't work.

I am happy that I'm starting my transition kind of early. And at least T has only had about sixteen years to effect me. However I'm really anxious for my first appointment with my endo just for the blood test alone. Years back and even at the moment I'm interested in medical things one good thing I've picked up from my father. So I've built up a fare bit of knowledge throughout the years. And just by personal observations and reading I might be I don't care to say suffering I guess gifted with low T. I know that only a blood test will prove anything but I have most of the signs of it. While some can be mental such as nothing really going on below. For a year I worked in the most physically demanding position at my work and all the guys had lots of muscles. And even doing the heavy duty work I still have arms with no muscle just fat and a thirty five pound box of cat litter is heavy for me.

For court I forgot to include in the previous post that the lawyer did say I could take a name change packet and edit it to a petition for gender change maybe. She was nice enough to redo one for me not fancy it just has the name crossed out and replaced with gender. So I have that filled out and like you said I'm going to go ahead and ask the judge all he can say is no.

For my work be accepting for the bad rap that Wal-Mart gets they are really good with transgender issues as they passed a very good policy a couple years ago. I also have access to the female bathroom but at this time I'm not brave enough and won't be till HRT most likely. I do have to say when I did bring up my transition to management the first time I was told no I couldn't use the female bathroom. I was more then happy to bring them a copy of the policy the next day. Also New Mexico is one of the better states with laws for trans people with a few holes notably for school bullying.

And in closing its funny that you bring up Alabama as I was actually born in the state but was only there for three months. And have lived pretty much all my life in New Mexico. I guess my saying come from the amount of books that I've picked up throughout my twenty six years.

butterfly, Luckily I haven't been six for a few weeks now and its made a difference. And thanks for saying I look great!

[Sharon Anne McC]

*

Raven:

You look fabulous in your new, current photograph!  You are a very attractive young woman.

M-F transition involves a time when you are in that 'passing the 'passing' test' and that other expression 'male fail'.  Those frequently apply to transition progressing from part-time to full-time.  At some point, you will go beyond transsexual and 'passing' - simply put, you will be female, no questions asked.  You may already be there. That is fantastic!  And worthy of celebration for your quick work.  You took less than two months; in comparison, I took six years.  That is why I keep saying that my regrets are that I could have done better but I failed to recognise my opportunities when they occurred.  You see yours and go at them.

You did not explicitly write it but I'm inferring that your driver's licence now has that big, beautifull 'F' on it.  Tell us about it.  How does that make you feel after this past month?  You anxieties will melt away and your confidence will soar.

How did your court hearing go?  Did you have one yet to legalise your new drivers licence to both your new name and female?  Did you get both your name and sex changed at court?  You later posted that you will have another court date for a gender change.  Is this separate from your motor vehicle name / gender change?

Does this also mean you got your new SSA file changed to female?  Or is that still pending?  Will you be using your endo's letter or a separate court order for your SSA gender change?

*

I've not been to Taos, but this must be a good time of year before it gets too cold and too touristy during Winter season.

Also, you can enjoy the balloon festival at home.  This will be your first time as Raven.  Savour this year's experience with your renewed perspective.  Maybe you'll meet new friends there or maybe you can bring friends, your work-mates, or someone from your TS group.

Going to the museum and zoo will also add to your socialisation strengths.

If I recall correctly, this is also State Fair time and another opportunity to test your new self.

*

Sorry about the ginger frog legs.  Doesn't anyone like frog legs here?  They do taste like chicken - tee hee hee.

I need to put together for you my various beans / grains / rices slow cooker recipes and the spices I use.  Delicious, vegetarian, and no frog legs.  I currently have soy beans warming in my slow cooker and will add such goodies as lentil, fresh garlic, ginger, oregano, curry, and fennel along with vegetables - 'Mexican' onions, tomato and a side of sweet potato.

If you like pickling, put some 'Mexican' onions in a jar with apple cider vinegar and celery seed and let set for a few weeks; don't cut them or else they become soggy. Good for snacking or adding to a meal.

Is this making anyone hungry?

*

Raven, soon enough your female voice will become first nature to you.  You have been full-time in transition less than two months and you're essentially there; you mentioned only one person questioned you.  Congratulations on your great progress as it is.

You mention possible low T.  If you are correct, then that will greatly enable your ERT's ability to work against it.  A lower ERT dose may b sufficient for you.  That can be good.  There is the general sense as written in the warnings about ERT.  My PDR package insert includes:

     -  'This medication should be taken at the lowest effective dose for the shortest amount of time.'

I hope for you that your blood test gives the results that you want.

*

I will avoid a detailed reply at this board about restroom facilities.  If you have never been in a female restroom, then hopefully your female co-workers will be gentle with you on etiquette and your first times.  Maybe they will let you 'go' alone until you are all comfortable with the arrangements.  This is as new to them as it is to you and they also will need time to adjust.

*

I hope that I made my #50 worthwhile and count for something.

   -  'Susan's Place Transgender Resources » International » French » Topic:  Changer de sexe deviendra plus simple dès le mois prochain au Québec'

   -  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195569.new.html#new)

Quebec, Canada, removed certain unbalanced medical / surgical obligations imposed upon transsexuals seeking legal status in their new gender.

I pointed out that in the USA, the process frequently has been unbalanced against the M-F being forced into a 'gatekeeper' system and then the legal system imposing strict surgery obligations upon the M-F not foisted upon even convicted criminals.  Meanwhile, the F-M can either get whatever they want or avoid surgery or medical procedures in circumstances not correspondingly permissible for the M-F.

I concluded that a system with medical oversight of the doctor - patient relationship sufficiently assures honest candidates are granted their correct re-assigned gender status without undo burden while those attempting fraud will be denied legal protection.

*

Take care - Enjoy! - HUGGSS

*

[Athena]

Just remember that you are in the worst part of your transition right now. People you know are forced into a new reality and they haven't figured out how you fit into that reality yet. Doubts are sure to creep into your mind at this time and with people acting odd around you is sure to make one self conscious.

Give it at least 3 months before making any decisions that you may regret later. Reverting and then starting over will make it harder for people to take you seriously which will make going full time again that much harder.

Ask yourself do you want/need to be a woman or can you find happiness as a male.

[RavenL]

White Rabbit, Actually it seems like most people have adjusted to the new me pretty much. Pretty much everyone that avoided me at first finally started talking to me these past couple weeks. I'm not getting treated as male any longer and heavy duty stuff that I would have had to do before I get told find some one else. Females are pretty much treating me as one of them and comment on my makeup or clothes usually. Well that happens during my days off shopping as on my work days I wear a uniform for four days. I even had one female manager grab my head a couple days ago and she told me she loved my nail polish. I haven't been dead named at all this week and if I do catch anyone talking about me they do use the proper name and pronouns.

Along with that I haven't had any problems with customers this week well a couple. One older lady called me miss and I slipped up on my voice and she was like sorry I thought you were female. Another one a mom had a child ask her if I was a boy or a girl since again I slipped on my voice. I am blaming that on coming in at 5AM seven hours earlier then I'm used to. At the time I was more worried about going home and sleeping then gender issues. But at least I know that people see my outward appearance as female. And the voice gets better and better every day.

As for taking three months for any major decisions well I'm kind of past that point. I'm now legally Raven as of day and while I can change it back for a couple hundred that would be horribly embarrassing to face the judge again. I have zero desire to go back to being a male and find everyday is getting better little by little. Also as you said I don't want to go back to the old me as I would become a joke.

And yes I do want/need to be a woman. For the ups and downs I have had the past few months its far out weighs my miserable life as male. Not feeling like I was in the right body and not fitting in with male social circles. I'm actually a social butterfly right now and have gained at least twenty new friends since coming out. Something the old me could never say.

And now onto Sharon!

Thanks for the comment on my picture. I've pretty much found the style that I like. I love picking out stuff to wear and matching clothing!

As for the passing test apart from the voice I'm gendered as female at least on my days off. Which I should be since I always dress 100% feminine on my days off. And like I've said I get comments on my style from people. I'm at the point right now were I'm comfortable with myself and how I look. A month ago I would see in my car for five minutes working up courage to go into a building. Now I just get out of the car and do my thing. I go shopping at the mall, grocery store, another home store were I think I'm known as the animal lady. And my favorite Asian restaurant were the waiter knows what I like by heart now. So its awesome I just get to be myself and I'm so happy!

*

Drivers license doesn't have the F on it yet sorry if I confused you. As I got my name changed today I can now change my name on my license along with gender. I have my therapist appointment tomorrow and he is more then happy to sign the document saying  that its in my best interest to have an F on my drivers license. I'll change that Friday morning as my therapist appointment is late in the afternoon and the MVD here is busy during that time.

As I stated in another topic my name change went without any trouble. I didn't have a chance to ask the judge about the gender change as it was very quick less then thirty seconds here is your paper have a nice day. I don't have a separate hearing for a gender change as I've decided just to wait for my endo appointment in November. I don't see her having in issues signing it as by that time I'll have proven that I'm serious about this. So changing my gender with SSA is just going to have to wait a little over a month and a half I can live with it.

*

As the balloon festival in honesty I could really careless. It just makes it a pain to drive around that area for a week I've actually have never done to before even if I've lived here for most of my life. If I do want to see balloons they usually fly over my house during the winter. However that's becoming rarer as homes pop up and they have less areas to land in.

And the State Fair I have no desire for either I've gone to one fair in my life and hated it. Overpriced stuff, overpriced food and I really can do without crowds.

But for sure going to the zoo and the art museum is in the works. And I might do some shopping around Old Town also. There is also a nice natural history museum down town that I always enjoy going to as well.

*

And yup the food you described makes me hungry!

*

For the restroom topic that is kind of a touchy subject. As at my work the restrooms are shared both by workers and customers. While I know with 99% certainty none of the female works would raise a stink I do have to worry about customers. As I've said I'm covered by the policy at work its just working up the courage for me. If anything I might finally use it after getting the DL changed and during the night when hardly anyone is around.

*

One thought that I am having now nothing bad or anything. Is probably in a year or two I'm going to start looking for another job as I do want to be stealth if possible for me. Since as it stands right now any salaried managers that come through the door are told about me right away. And while I know management is doing their best at least I hope so. I had one new manager ask me the other day what pronouns to use when referring to me. I could tell he was embarrassed to ask me and said her/she is best and he said good since that is what he was using already.

I just want to have a life in a few years where I'm known as female and not a transgender female to everyone that comes in. Not that I'm ashamed of being transgender or anything I just wish to be able to share it with people who I trust and want to let know. 

That's all I have for now