Anyone Dealing With Erotic Transference?

[Tristyn]

Hey everyone.

I recently read about this and was wondering if anyone else here has to go through this in a way to where it could be harmful if not dealt with properly. Especially if it interferes with your life, professionally. For me it comes in the form of myself feeling this towards a social worker. I mean, its so debilitating to the point where I cannot even establish any moment of eye contact with her. I do not want these 'feelings' of premature love(or desire just to be with her social-worker-identity, rather) to even be reciprocated at all. I only want them to go away and never return. Or at least be able to cope with them long enough to endure any of our little sessions at dialysis.

Any tips from anyone on here who is either going through or already has gone through this stuff? Thanks in advance.

Love and peace to you all!^^

~Nixy~

[sweetbriar9]

If I understand correctly, you're going through what often happens in therapist/client situations. I had a therapist for a long time that I had a little crush on. If your life has been anything like the earlier part of mine then trying to understand positive feelings towards others can be confusing. I was mostly experienced with anger, hate, jealousy, distrust, etc. Then positive feelings always got mixed up and I continually shut myself down and had anxiety attacks about it. I think that it's fine and normal to have an innocent crush as long as you're clear about what it is and where it is or isn't going. Sometimes it just means that you trust this person.

[Allison Wunderland]

My current therapist is cis-F and has some considerable experience working w/ trans cis-M.

We're just now getting comfortable with her. She's new since Feb. 2015. Interestingly enough, she's "cis-F" in about the same "gender neutral" presentation as I am presenting . . . "beach casual." Lot's of denim, sweats, athletic clothing.

No sexual attraction, and I like cis-F.

What's funny is that she has ear piercings, maybe 8 or 10, cartilage piercing in the upper areas. She wears the same stuff all the time. I change earrings daily, sometimes more than once a day. And so she is always checking me out on the ear  bangles. But too, she's interested that I present "male" for the most part, but wear predominately female / women's clothing. Hair past the shoulders, usually tied back.

We're at the beach. Pirates are very popular locally, and so I dress a bit like a pirate -- a bit like a biker.

But the erotic/romantic feelings one develops for one's therapist are common and entirely understandable. This is a person who listens and understands what you're feeling. Easy to develop attachments to someone like that.

Talk to her about how you feel. She's addressed this issue before, I guarantee. She will NOT be embarrassed, and she will not embarrass you.

[Aazhie]

Hey if it helps... I have had  A LOT more crushes on allllll kinds of people since I came out and started to transition.  Human beings are simply crush machines.  Seriously, we come from some pretty swinging creatures and all the civilization in the world can't remove our primal instincts and drives.  One of which is: see pretty person you like, get closer and see what happens.  We're social animals and we don't have a built in rut or mating season, so out brains and bodies (most of the time for most people) are constantly looking for excuses to hook up with someone.

I know, it's weird and rough.  My advice?  If it's not totally awful: I tend to imagine them doing something gross like picking their nose and eating it XD  It helps cool things down a lot for me as I am easily grossed out by a few specific things.  Disgust and nausea are the antithesis to arousal.  Once the mood is lost by a gross image, it's often hard for people to get back into the groove, so use this power carefully...

[Tristyn]

Hey if it helps... I have had  A LOT more crushes on allllll kinds of people since I came out and started to transition.  Human beings are simply crush machines.  Seriously, we come from some pretty swinging creatures and all the civilization in the world can't remove our primal instincts and drives.  One of which is: see pretty person you like, get closer and see what happens.  We're social animals and we don't have a built in rut or mating season, so out brains and bodies (most of the time for most people) are constantly looking for excuses to hook up with someone.

I know, it's weird and rough.  My advice?  If it's not totally awful: I tend to imagine them doing something gross like picking their nose and eating it XD  It helps cool things down a lot for me as I am easily grossed out by a few specific things.  Disgust and nausea are the antithesis to arousal.  Once the mood is lost by a gross image, it's often hard for people to get back into the groove, so use this power carefully...

LOL. I like that imagination better than the "imagine them naked" one we commonly hear. In this case, that would be the last image I would want to have while interacting with her. :/ But the nose-picking thing, that's a great idea! I think that would help out a lot until I can get another social worker because it is near impossible to get the satisfactory help I need from her at this point.

Talk to her about how you feel. She's addressed this issue before, I guarantee. She will NOT be embarrassed, and she will not embarrass you.

I think this is probably the only true solution to this dilemma. Based on research about this, this seems to be the only way to truly become relieved from erotic transference. The only problem is; I really suck at articulating. I can write very well but when it comes to oral communication I'm like a negative 0.0001 on a scale of 100000. Yeah, I am that bad. Plus, I really despise talking about my feelings. Makes me feel like I need to be in a soap opera. Like it literally makes my stomach turn. I don't want to sound like a jerk who's totally negating every advice that comes my way....Maybe I'm 'chicken' just by the simple fact that I am scared to share my feelings with a woman. I'm such a wimp.

If I understand correctly, you're going through what often happens in therapist/client situations. I had a therapist for a long time that I had a little crush on. If your life has been anything like the earlier part of mine then trying to understand positive feelings towards others can be confusing. I was mostly experienced with anger, hate, jealousy, distrust, etc. Then positive feelings always got mixed up and I continually shut myself down and had anxiety attacks about it. I think that it's fine and normal to have an innocent crush as long as you're clear about what it is and where it is or isn't going. Sometimes it just means that you trust this person.

That makes a lot of sense. I am not at all used to these 'love' feelings after having so many negative ones for years most of the time. So when they get all mixed together it really does throw me for a loop. Last week at dialysis, I couldn't even respond to my social worker. I became mute. As if the words were 'stuck in my throat.' I did not look at her either and I am almost certain she found me to be rude and I would not blame her for it. But I was not mad at her or annoyed or anything like that. Its just I wanted her to go away before I screamed or even cried. Its like I am that passionate about her. FTMax and others on here have suggested I tell her how I feel as well as changing social workers and I am like way too afraid to really even consider that. I'm scared of the painful repercussions that could follow(i.e. her husband whoopin' my ass, my dad finding out that I have the hots for a woman even though I was raised to only have the hots for men or no one at all). Well, yes, at least now we both know that we are capable of offering human affection.

~Nixy~