It's a strange one - but I think that, maybe, some gay guys suffer from this weird perpetual 'boy's club' type syndrome. Like, when you were at school, there were boys who couldn't talk to girls?
Well most grew up, and sort of had to learn because they were straight and didn't want to be virgins for ever!!!
What about the gay ones? The ones who didn't ever really learn? It's odd but I've got gay friends and I know other gay people - there's sort of, for me, this weird male parallel world where it's possible to go for months with minimal dealings with women. I kind of live on the other side of this - my friends are female, my work colleagues are mostly female, my social activities are female, even the shops I go in tend to be female.
It's only when you think, or in my case scribble a few weird ideas down, about how gender divided society still is that you notice? Maybe; I could be wrong.
I bought a second hand car the other day; which was mostly boring but it felt odd. Going to the garage was my first time in the male hinterland for ages. There were guys everywhere. I drove the car to check it and the salesman went with me.
It was the first time I'd had an extended conversation with a man who wasn't a work colleague, family member, existing social contact or service user (I do voluntary work) for quite a while. Talking to men, for me, is generally like: "Hi can I pay for petrol pump number seven/Twenty Silk Cut/Large Americano with Soya - Thanks, Bye"
I don't do the whole intensive guy conversation thing, I'm also bad at it lol!!! The car salesman kept talking about the car. I was like, this is so boring - I just want to pay you and get on with my life.
This is like massively off the point. Probably. My point was that the male half of society, the car garages and hardware shops, is perfectly accessible to gay men. Or some anyway! Like the majority who aren't obvious about it?
I'm really not wanting to stereotype but lots of gay men don't do or say or wear anything that would identify them as, for me, gay. So they fit well into the guy side and have no particular reason to ever leave it? Like for them, maybe, girls exist as shop assistants or bus drivers or receptionists. The interactions they have are, probably, simple and professional and completely lacking emotion. I have noticed this!!! I've worked at events and stuff where the majority of men are gay, especially the older ones. They take one look at me, in nice top and make-up, and seem to go all shy
Bless them - but it's like they never quite grew out of the whole embarrassed boy thing because they kind of didn't need to? They were happier to go off with the other blokes and talk about bloke stuff - cars and football or whatever. Us girls were left to be girls
There isn't anything wrong with that, I don't think, but it's like odd to think that perhaps there's a lack of socialisation they have? It's sort of forced on straight men; in that to actually have sex for them involves a woman somewhere along the way.
But maybe living this male half life, maybe because I'm only guessing, leads to a lack of understanding. A lack of empathy with women and no real concept of what it is to be female?
We're these sort of exotic and unknowable weird creatures to be dealt with minimally. And I'm afraid that probably leads towards sexism and ultimately transphobia. They probably wouldn't have any reason to have even read a feminist argument, let alone agreed with it. They, for me, wouldn't have any cause for concern (and may prefer it) if their workplace was all male. And I don't mean that like, you know, I mean for them it's easier to talk to men and work with men so they're more likely to want men around. Which is inherently sexist.
I'm not saying they objectify women sexually, it's almost the opposite. But perhaps they haven't quite got there when it comes to valuing women as people?
The thing is this doesn't apply to the majority of gay men!!!
I don't want anyone to think I'm generalising in any way. Most aren't sexist. Most are lovely people and get on well, are nice to talk to, easy going and stuff. I don't mean gay men as a whole. What I do mean is there are some, and I know it because I've met them, who are just too much man man for a poor girl to take!!
Not sure where that leaves biphobia?
