Salutations,
I've been a girl/woman for 50 or so years now (unfortunately stuck in a male body), I was married for over 10yrs to a woman who preferred the male role and this was when I for the first time became me it was amazing. We went clothes shopping and I was the caretaker for children, house. Unfortunately other circumstances caused the marriage to not work out.
It opened a window in my soul for who I was, I am a Marine, a Mechanic but always rejected by my male counterparts. They would come to me when they had relationship issues. The girls at work would invite me to go to lunch with them and shopping I would go I loved it. I asked one why they invited me and they said they liked me. Interestingly enough they never invited any other guy.
I work in a factory type environment with 600 very rough guys, and oddly enough they never invited me to lunch.,,sort of made me go Huh so this is my hyper masculine phase but the only reason I was let alone since I was not in the boys club was I could fix anything so like a woman who has to out perform her male counter parts in the same job I was tolerated and allowed because I added value they could not deny.
I realized Samantha was the kick butt Marine, and XXXXBoy was just the outer shell everyone saw, And Samantha is the guy that 600 men come to when four days have gone by and they can't find the problem, not xxxxboy.
My jouney, I have found a therapist actually with the help of this site and soooo much advice that is like mining gold. I'm calling tomorrow to make an appointment. Confusion has solidified to clarity and I am terrified and excited I have been doing laser hair removal for 4 months with a home unit and so far every time the hair is gone I get giddy and excited like a part of the real me that was hidden is being allowed to come out.
Samantha is done being on the inside running the show, she's coming out and the shell is being peeled off piece by piece.
I am disabled and have dealt with a lot of ridicule and mocking even at work where it is not allowed but the boys club never relents they just close the doors.
I appreciate everything all of you share on this site it has helped me move forward with confidence and careful purpose, there can be so very many landmines along the way but the wisdom I have read here has already helped me avoid a number of them. I'll step on some but then I'll share with the group about them..I say you do it and if it goes well you get a great memory an if it goes badly you get a great story you can tell...either way you win.
I told my sister yesterday we have always been like twins, we call each other because we are thinking of each other or we sense something isn't right, we make people crazy because we can just look at each other and we know exactly what the other is thinking. The great part is she already knew and totally supports me which is so huge for me I going to need her. She ever made me an appointment with her hair stylist and we're going to get are hair done together.
Again Thank you for this site and if I can support it in other ways I am excited to do so.
Samantha
