So tired of being transgender

[Paige]

Hi All,

I visited my family doctor yesterday to discuss going on hormones and my transgender dysphoria.   It went well, he's willing to put me on low or regular dose hrt.    I have two therapist that agree with this as well.   I told him we'll discuss it at our next meeting, I wasn't quite ready, mainly because of how my wife would react.

So I had a chat with my wife after the appointment and it went pretty badly.  I told her that I was thinking about low dose just to get rid of the dysphoria and she said what she always says it will lead to a full transition.  Statements like these are hard to argue because I don't know and she doesn't know how it will work out.  All I want is for the pain to die down a bit.

One of her comments really stung,  she said she really didn't get transgender.  For someone new to the topic, I can understand this but for someone whose known for close to 30 years that I'm transgender, someone whose read a lot of books on the subject, visited an assortment of of websites, it just seem like a slap in the face.  In a couple of words she completely dismissed the pain she knows I have had since I was a child.  I can understand she isn't comfortable with transitioning.  She stated that over and over again, but the fact that she doesn't seem to have any sympathy for me, that really hurt.   

My therapists and family doctor have all suggested this is her way of manipulating me.  Stand her ground, show no sympathy, remind me of how it will affect the family and I'll eventually back down.  It's worked for close to 30 years, the problem is yesterday it hit me that she really doesn't give a damn about me, I'm just a prop in her life that she can manipulate to her desire.

Maybe the answer is to call her on this and start taking hrt.  I'll see how it affects me and she'll know whether she can deal with it.  If she can't we should start planning our separation.

I'm so tired of being transgender.   

Take care all, sorry for the rant,
Paige

[Laura_7]

Here is a resource that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788

Well... it seems you have gained some insight...

giving you a big *hug*

[Paige]

Here is a resource that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788

Well... it seems you have gained some insight...

giving you a big *hug*

Thanks Laura

[Tessa James]

Hi Paige,

That sounds daunting and tiresome indeed.  My partner has known for 30 years too and will likely never see me as a woman or fully understand the depth of this for us.  She sees me as obsessive and annoyingly full of it too often.  For me transition has been progressively seductive and I am much further along than I once anticipated so I must agree there are unknowns to the consequences side of this.

We keep dancing around our challenges and sometimes talk about separation too.  Tough stuff Hon and i guess I am just saying I get it and want you to feel supported.  Please consider yourself hugged.

[barbie]

In my case, I do not take HRT, because of my wife and kids. I think I am between a man and a woman.

barbie~~

[Paige]

Hi Paige,

That sounds daunting and tiresome indeed.  My partner has known for 30 years too and will likely never see me as a woman or fully understand the depth of this for us.  She sees me as obsessive and annoyingly full of it too often.  For me transition has been progressively seductive and I am much further along than I once anticipated so I must agree there are unknowns to the consequences side of this.

We keep dancing around our challenges and sometimes talk about separation too.  Tough stuff Hon and i guess I am just saying I get it and want you to feel supported.  Please consider yourself hugged.

I'm sorry you're going through this too.  Life can be a real pain sometimes.  My wife saw me dressed in the late 80s and never again.  She disliked it so much, she never wants to see me dressed again.   I looked a lot better back then ;-).  Now I'm just getting old and losing my hair.   (Although dutasteride seems to have stop that for now :-)

In some ways I'm moving ahead I guess.  I'm on dutasteride as I said.  I've had both therapists and my family doctor agree about hrt.   I'm shaving most of my body.  When it gets a little colder I'll shave the rest of my legs.  I may even start electrolysis on my face.  So I guess I'm pushing back in some ways finally.

Thanks so much for the hug Tessa James.
Paige
 

[Paige]

In my case, I do not take HRT, because of my wife and kids. I think I am between a man and a woman.

barbie~~

I don't how you do it Barbie.  I haven't progressed much because of wife and kids too, but it drives me crazy.  I've told her if it wasn't for her and the kids I would transition in a second.

Thanks,
Paige

[barbie]

I don't how you do it Barbie.  I haven't progressed much because of wife and kids too, but it drives me crazy.  I've told her if it wasn't for her and the kids I would transition in a second.

Thanks,
Paige

I have taken care of the emotions of my wife who also acknowledges my desire to dress as a woman. She once particularly disliked my wearing tube tops. Nowadays I even wear bikini while going out in beach with her and my kids. I think my wife and kids can be accustomed to my wearing women's dresses and makeup. Initially they showed very negative responses, but time has solved all kinds of problems. She sometimes worries that I may undergo HRT and SRS, but I relieve her of her anxiety. She always sees me as a man, and my kids do the same.

barbie~~

[stephaniec]

I have taken care of the emotions of my wife who also acknowledges my desire to dress as a woman. She once particularly disliked my wearing tube tops. Nowadays I even wear bikini while going out in beach with her and my kids. I think my wife and kids can be accustomed to my wearing women's dresses and makeup. Initially they showed very negative responses, but time has solved all kinds of problems. She sometimes worries that I may undergo HRT and SRS, but I relieve her of her anxiety. She always sees me as a man, and my kids do the same.

barbie~~

Barbie: you look terrific without HRT

[buttertly]

Barbie: you look terrific without HRT

Hrt just grows boobs and makes you weak, anxious and depressed. Crossdressing was great. A total contrast to thd hard slog us transgendered people undergo.

[Paige]

Hrt just grows boobs and makes you weak, anxious and depressed. Crossdressing was great. A total contrast to thd hard slog us transgendered people undergo.

Hi butterly,
 
Sorry to hear it's going badly for you.  I've experienced the anxious and depressed, it's no picnic.  I have experimented in the past, something I wouldn't advise anyone do, but it made me feel absolutely wonderful, like I found myself.   I have no illusions that family and the greater society will be understanding, but then they don't understand me now.

Take care, I hope it gets better for you,
Paige

[Deborah]

Hrt just grows boobs and makes you weak, anxious and depressed. Crossdressing was great. A total contrast to thd hard slog us transgendered people undergo.

it was the opposite for me.  Cross dressing always left me depressed.  HRT has greatly relieved depression, nearly eliminated my constant anger and cynicism, and maybe even improved my language skills in meetings. 

I'm not really sure about that last one.  Maybe it's a result of being more relaxed overall and not stressed out.  Things are not perfect but they are a whole lot better than before.


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[barbie]

Barbie: you look terrific without HRT

Stephanie,

Thanks. As you know, some of my feminine body features had been a stigma during my tees. Suddenly I found that they can be a great merit once I started crossdressing. Now I cherish them!

barbie~~

[buttertly]

Stephanie,

Thanks. As you know, some of my feminine body features had been a stigma during my tees. Suddenly I found that they can be a great merit once I started crossdressing. Now I cherish them!

barbie~~

Ah, you have hips!

You've done the right thing not transitioning. I have an extremely feminine face and I got bullied a lot for it too. Now I'm being bullied all over again. When you are on hrt and living full time, it's not fun anymore.

[buttertly]

Hi butterly,
 
Sorry to hear it's going badly for you.  I've experienced the anxious and depressed, it's no picnic.  I have experimented in the past, something I wouldn't advise anyone do, but it made me feel absolutely wonderful, like I found myself.   I have no illusions that family and the greater society will be understanding, but then they don't understand me now.

Take care, I hope it gets better for you,
Paige

It was going good till this year. I am constantly hunted and vilified.  I can't believe the hatred I'm getting. I know less passable ones who get none of this. Maybe it's this backward city I live in.

[buttertly]

it was the opposite for me.  Cross dressing always left me depressed.  HRT has greatly relieved depression, nearly eliminated my constant anger and cynicism, and maybe even improved my language skills in meetings. 

I'm not really sure about that last one.  Maybe it's a result of being more relaxed overall and not stressed out.  Things are not perfect but they are a whole lot better than before.


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How long you been living full time as woman?

[sparrow]

Is she seeing a therapist?  Are you in couples counseling?  These have both been lifesavers in my household.

[Paige]

Is she seeing a therapist?  Are you in couples counseling?  These have both been lifesavers in my household.

Hi Sparrow,

No unfortunately not.  I've suggested both on numerous occasions.  She doesn't want to do either.  I believe she thinks it will just help me transition so she resists. 

I think in some ways she has worn me down.  I just don't know if I have the energy anymore to take this on.  If I was 30 years younger and not half bald, probably.  Now all I can think of is the storm I will create by attempting this.

Paige

[ChiGirl]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Paige.  I get how that kind of behavior can wear you down. Hugs!

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[Paige]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Paige.  I get how that kind of behavior can wear you down. Hugs!

Thanks so much ChiGirl.
Paige