Having to show DI Post op chest to doctors

[makipu]

How do you deal with having to show the doctors your scarred chest? 
What do you say when they ask?
I guess they wouldn't know if you already pass as what is considered binary male but if you don't like myself, I don't even have to come out to them (however that may be, without using the word transgender) since the chest itself already outs me.

[kelly_aus]

It's not unknown for Cis guys to have surgery for gynecomastia, which will leave similar scars..

[Dena]

I don't worry about stuff like that. I had a UTI and needed an emergency room visit but the treatment for men and women is different. As I still have enough of the male hardware inside me, I had to admit I was transsexual. The doctor from the age of the surgery knew the procedure and was careful to ask about the internal plumbing. Yes, he did gender me wrong once but corrected himself before I had time to protest, not that I could as I was still in silent mode after my voice surgery. Doctors are being taught the basics about this in medical school so honesty is safe and stealth really isn't important.

[FTMax]

I'd always be honest with a healthcare professional. Getting misgendered is frustrating and dysphoria inducing, but getting the wrong care due to withholding information could potentially be dangerous.

[makipu]

I don't think I will be correcting my gender when they mess up but there were some doctors who actually ask "is it Mr ... "? but that wasn't related to my chest.
The problem here is, this place knew me as "F" and I always avoided showing my chest before because of the disgusting breasts so now I have scars to show them.(I need to have an EKG done)

I just thought of this but maybe I can cover them up with the silicone strips and tell them I had an injury if they ask?

[Alexthecat]

I am proud of my chest and will show it off whenever.

[Dena]

I suspect anybody who runs EKG's has seen the scars from breast cancer survivors and will know the type of surgery that was preformed. The will also be very careful not to go into it because for some people it is a touchy subject. They may have question about it but I worked for a company for 25 years with out them ever questioning me about my gender status even though they figured it out pretty early in the game. Best idea may be not to worry about it and if somebody who doesn't need to know ask, just say you had a couple of growths removed. I suspect that will stop the enquires.

[makipu]

I wish I could say the same Alex. It would be cool to see them as battle scars.  I thought of them like that for some time and then the negativity of the matter overpowered the positive aspect.  I wish I could be happy but it's so difficult. 
What would you do in my situation? Or anyone who asked you about your chest?   

I still have an issue using the word transgender when referring to myself because I don't accept the "F" part of the FTM the least bit so that's why I never officially did the coming out thing with anyone.

[Alexthecat]

I wish I could say the same Alex. It would be cool to see them as battle scars.  I thought of them like that for some time and then the negativity of the matter overpowered the positive aspect.  I wish I could be happy but it's so difficult. 
What would you do in my situation? Or anyone who asked you about your chest?   

I still have an issue using the word transgender when referring to myself because I don't accept the "F" part of the FTM the least bit so that's why I never officially did the coming out thing with anyone.

I swim in the local pool and no one has asked. If someone has scars they generally don't ask about it. I even workout in the gym and no one seems to notice the lack of boobs if they think I'm a girl or they just think I'm a guy. At work I obviously have a flat chest with just a T-shirt on and no one has asked there.

At the doctors he knows I'm trans and have had surgery. He's a younger guy fresh out of medical school so that might help. I do not see him enough to really have any bad experiences. I did actually have an EKG done back when I had boobs and that was terrible. They lay you on your side and stick 3 stickys with wires attached so they can look. I don't think I had to take my shirt off but it was years ago that I had it done so I could be wrong. They have those paper vests that you can request if they do need the shirt off. I think they might use the goop like when looking at babies.

I think you are worrying about nothing. If someone did say something you can choose to ignore them or just say you don't want to talk about it. They aren't going to push the subject. A doctor will be professional and they should not ask at all. At the EKG if they do ask just say it is not heart related and thus none of their business.

[captains]

I agree w/ kelly_aus that cis men's gynecomastia scars look virtually identical to our gynecomastia scars. I know copping to man boobs can be kind of embarrassing, but it's not medically inaccurate, and it would give your GP all the information they need to know, assuming you're going in for something sex non-specific like, say, asthma.

I like the battle scars thing, myself. I haven't had top surgery yet, but when I imagine the DI healing process, I really do see the scars, etc, as war wounds. My dad has all kinds of gnarly scars from a rock climbing accident and I've always thought they looked cool. DI scars are visually similar and I guess they sort of occupy the same place in my brain, because I'm always like "Aw man, that dude is TOUGH" whenever I see trans guys' chests.

[makipu]

Alex, you seem brave. I even have a pool in my backyard  and never even went in once. Before it was due to the breasts but now that they're gone I had the desire for the very first time to go in but why would I with the scars...?

I don't think it helps me the least bit comparing the thick incisions I have to a cis male's gynecomastia either. It's nice to be able to see and even acknowledge the so called positive aspects but I am also mentally scarred because of the physical ones.  I don't know why I even had the DI and not the keyhole/peri or whatever it is that the smaller guys had. I was already a thin person... I had no support so I went to the surgeon that was closest to me and that was obviously my mistake but at the same time, its hard to be sane if I've been living as a shut in for a decade. I am a failure because I simply can't be happy like you guys because to me ->-bleeped-<- is the worst condition.

[captains]

You're not a failure. It's hard, it's objectively so hard. I'm really sorry you're struggling, man. This stuff freaking sucks.

This might sound really stupid, but have you tried "leaning into the distress" a little? That's what I'm trying to do with my hip dysphoria. Looking at my hips and thighs makes me feel SICK from embarrassment because of how feminine they look; I hate everything about them, and it makes it hard for me to look at myself or pictures of me. Recently, though, I've been trying to ... just sort of flood my brain by looking at myself until it stops hurting so acutely, I guess? Like my version of exposure therapy, haha. So I always make a point of looking at myself in the mirror. I think it might be helping? Idk. It's still crap, but I feel less horrified and dissociated now. It's just there. Maybe that would work for you too.


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[makipu]

Captains, I don't know if we are on the same page but is it kind of like facing the ugly reality until it can't hurt no more?  For example, I hate myself (rooted in having the F. anatomy) not just the body but mentally too so sometimes I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror.  I used to like my face (the only thing that I didn't complain about ) but now that constant crying, madness and countless cursing has made me become truly disgusted with my self.  I even do make fun of myself for being a freak of nature but it doesn't really help for the better.

[captains]

Captains, I don't know if we are on the same page but is it kind of like facing the ugly reality until it can't hurt no more?  For example, I hate myself (rooted in having the F. anatomy) not just the body but mentally too so sometimes I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror.  I used to like my face (the only thing that I didn't complain about ) but now that constant crying, madness and countless cursing has made me become truly disgusted with my self.  I even do make fun of myself for being a freak of nature but it doesn't really help for the better.

Man, I don't want to push you into more distress. Sounds like you're really hurting right now. But yeah, to put it crassly, "facing the ugly reality" is sort of what I'm talking about. Except, I try not to think negative things while I stare. I just look and let myself feel bad and gross and ashamed -- and then I keep looking until it all starts to fade into kind of a more neutral feeling? Like, for me, my brain can only think the same things so many times before it starts to sound like white noise and after a while, the noise gets quieter and then it's just a body there in front of me. Less judgement.

I dunno, though. I'm not a professional or anything. I just really empathize with how you're feeling right there, so I thought I'd put my weird fake hypnosis trick out there.

[Aazhie]

Man, I don't want to push you into more distress. Sounds like you're really hurting right now. But yeah, to put it crassly, "facing the ugly reality" is sort of what I'm talking about. Except, I try not to think negative things while I stare. I just look and let myself feel bad and gross and ashamed -- and then I keep looking until it all starts to fade into kind of a more neutral feeling? Like, for me, my brain can only think the same things so many times before it starts to sound like white noise and after a while, the noise gets quieter and then it's just a body there in front of me. Less judgement.

I dunno, though. I'm not a professional or anything. I just really empathize with how you're feeling right there, so I thought I'd put my weird fake hypnosis trick out there.

This sounds interested   gonna have to try this.

As for the OP- Most medical professionals have seen so many naked humans they hardly think about it anymore.  They have seen bad tattoos, horrible mess and wounds from people injecting until they got maggots under the skin.
Sorry if that is WAY GROSS, but your body is not gross! It wasn't before your op and it's much more in tune with your gender now, so while I am repeating what everyone has already said: you are your own worst critic I imagine few nurses and docs really think too hard about scars on patients.  The type of crazy things we discuss in the OR where I work are the people who stuck light bulbs in their butts, or have induced horrible abscesses from improper sterile technique because they are addicted to something. I do my best to not worry too much about other's opinions. There's little I can do to edit their internal monologue and as long as they treat me respectfully it's all fair and good...

[Bimmer Guy]

I think it is important that our medical providers know our history.

But, it is not important for random one-offs.  I got an EKG last week for the hysto I got a couple of days ago.  The tech asked me what the scars were from and I said gynecomastia surgery.  I don't think she even knew what that was, but it stopped any more questions.

[Aazhie]

I think it is important that our medical providers know our history.

One off techs don't need to know, for sure!  Just to be sure though for anyone else reading: Hiding your trans identity from a doctor who is medicating you or your primary caregiver is not a great idea. There are health issues that they will want to screen for and monitoring your T levels is not a bad idea for general health. Find someone who you feel you can trust and are comfortable with. No one HAS to see a set doctor, you can always look around

[Bimmer Guy]

One off techs don't need to know, for sure!  Just to be sure though for anyone else reading: Hiding your trans identity from a doctor who is medicating you or your primary caregiver is not a great idea. There are health issues that they will want to screen for and monitoring your T levels is not a bad idea for general health. Find someone who you feel you can trust and are comfortable with. No one HAS to see a set doctor, you can always look around

Yes, any doctor that you are giving a medication list to, you really need to include your T.  Yes, cis males are "on T" too, but we are on synthetic T.  That may interact with other meds.  I don't know any, but I am not a physician either.

Please don't jeopardize your health guys, just to stay stealth with some random person who has to impact on your daily life.  It sucks sometimes, but we really don't have a choice.

[Saison Marguerite]

OP you are not a failure! My boyfriend has been physically transitioning for almost four years now (socially for almost seven!) and he still struggles with moments where he needs to do transgender-related things. It is hard for him when he needs to disclose something to a medical professional and scars are a very sensitive issue for him. Recently he has been seen in the psychiatric hospital and is working extensively with their team and they discovered that he was transgender in his medical records. They tried to make it all about that and he was becoming very frustrated whenever they brought the topic up. He reached the point where he told them that his issues are unrelated to his transition, that in his mind it is not something he wants to discuss. Whenever somebody would ask him a question about it (lots of professionals so unfortunately it comes up more often than he would like), he simply tells them he does not like talking about it. For him, it is something that is very hard to deal with and feel comfortable with as he does not feel any other man would need to dwell on his maleness so why should he? They even suggested that he join a transgender group and he was clear to them that he is living in the present and he is stealth so why would that benefit him? I don't view him as a failure for that, I view him as someone who refuses to let the PAST define the PRESENT and has things that he has chosen to keep private like each of us has the right to.

So my advice to you would be if they mention it just tell them that you had a procedure done to remove tissue and if they continue to press just tell them it's not a topic you want to discuss unless it's relevant to your care. It's an EKG, who cares about your past! Does a chest surgery affect that aspect of your health? No. Any solid ethical professional will respect that and leave it be and anyone who does not is very unprofessional at their job.

[2fish]

My experience with medical staff now that I've had top surgery has been really good. I had to take my shirt off at the dermatologist to have a cyst on my back removed. No one asked about my scars even though I was 2 months post op. I did start a conversation with the nurse and she was giving me details on how to care for the stitches on my back. She said I could use whatever scar treatment on my back. I told her that the itty bitty scar on my back wouldn't bother me much. She commented on how well my scars were healing from my top surgery and she was surprised because I was two months post op. She told me she had a procedure to remove a part of her breast and a that another girl in the office also had the same procedure as she did. She said that even though a part of her is missing, that she is still happy to be alive and that the scars were just a minor thing.  She told me she had 2 kids and she was very young I'd say about my age mid 20's.

I'm fine with my scars and go topless as long as I'm in a safe place. As far as being around family, they haven't asked to see my chest. I did show my brother and he turns his head away. When I told my sister about my scar placement she also cringed and changed the subject. It did make me self-concence. But I quickly got over that. My scars are there and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I had a procedure done to help cure my dysphoria and it worked. I'm happy with my new body. If no one else likes it they can suck it. I paid for it myself, had no one there with me while I had it done and took care of myself afterwards. I couldn't care less of what others think of my chest. Who are they to say that it looks bad or not.

I've never felt so free in my life.