Thank you again everyone. This is my most flattering selfie of course (and therefore my favorite), so it's not really what you'd find on a normal day. I don't want anyone to be envious of camera magic. My beard shadow, sunburn, and arms are very difficult to hide. It's been nice to have this photo with heavy makeup and grain/blur in order to study shape rather than texture. I really hope that in transitioning I can take care of some of these things. I've tried to think about identity in a realistic way in recent months and came to the conclusion that I'll have to be more of a Rosie the Riveter than anything else. Some things become too deeply ingrained and I now know that toughness, self sufficiency, and vigilance run deeper than I used to think. The deep gravel-y smoker's voice is going to be a serious project too, plus I've come to depend on it when I'm threatened. I just backed a hostile meth user into a wall with it last Monday (he was terrified by nothing but my voice and eye contact). I wish that these macho tools were not needed in my life, ugh.... Well, here's to a brighter future for all of us. :-) P.S. My first appointment with a gender therapist may be this coming Monday.
