Great week!

[Greeneyes]

Hey all,

Just wanted to share my week with everyone. It started off pretty normal with nothing much to speak about, but on Wednesday I was at a gas station trying my best to just get in and get back out as I still felt like I was awkward around others (I'm very hyper-critical about myself btw), and a woman behind the counter told me my total. I paid and she stepped aside for some reason. A gentleman appeared and asked if I'd like a receipt. He added "ma'am" at the end! For a split second I didn't realize he was speaking to me. Then, I just said no in my best girl voice and walked out. I couldn't help but smile after I got outside. I felt amazing. Now, about an hour later I was doubting myself. Saying that he must have been distracted and just didn't notice my man features or something. Luckily, that night I was able to attend a support group for trans women. I was blown away by the people I saw/met there. They were all very nice, though I didn't really have time once the meeting was over to talk much to individual people. This meeting made me realize how lucky I've been so far in my transition. They were at varying stages of transition, and all had some issue at some point with getting hormones or finding a good therapist or their job or family accepting them. I hadn't really had those problems at all. My bad stuff was all internal feelings, depression, and social anxiety mostly. I felt for these women, I really did. I left there and went to a bar with my best, and at this point in my life, only close friend. Her boyfriend was there too. After we got to talking for a while. Her boyfriend went to the restroom and she said "When he saw you he thought you were a girl." She was being honest with me too. After he got back I kind of brought it up because I assumed he was being extra nice to me and she was just following along. He seemed extremely sincere though. We sat there and talked about so much. It just felt so good to be seen by people as me. That was Wednesday, I've been so okay with myself since then. That sounds weird to say, but that's exactly what it feels like. There were always doubts in my mind about transition being right for me, but after this week I know that this is who I am and I can finally be exactly who I've always been, but was always too afraid to be (if that makes sense). I'm not sure what the future will hold, but I believe I'm finally going to face it head on.

Oh! I've also nearly got enough for my VFS! I've been talking with Dr. Haben.

That's it. Thanks for reading.


~Kristen

[chuufk]

It is good to hear that things are going in a good direction for you. I recall what it was like and the wondering about whether other people were just being nice or had really just taken me as I presented. Gradually I realised that there were simply too many very polite, very well mannered people in all walks of life and in places like bathrooms or changing rooms or locker rooms. I was "passing" which came as a real shock to me because when I looked in the mirror that bloke I knew so well was looking back at me.

The truth is this: on a website like this we have a bunch of people doing their best to get by and as such we have an "ideal woman". She has boobs - probably at least a B cup, she has a waist, she has hips, she has full head of gorgeous silky hair, she has a lovely, melodious voice, she moves with grace, she has impeccable dress sense and she does not exist because almost no women ever born match up to that ideal. But for many of us, at some stage, it is were we think we ought to be.

Now, go out in the real world and really look at the Standard Mk 1 cis-female. A proportion are overweight, quite a few are ugly, some curse and spit on the pavement, many wear the most appalling clothes, some have receding hairlines or very thin hair. A few are so ugly that their parents must have fed them with a steam catapult. There are some beauties and a lot of pleasant looking women but these are the real women that other people measure you against. Every woman wants to be beautiful but beauty takes time and effort.

So remember, when you are out there, the "muggles" will judge you by real-world-woman standards and not by the supermodel standard that we sometimes aspire to. If they are treating you like a woman then accept it and glory in it because that is your goal and you have achieved it.

Well done you x