A matter of Esteem

[lilifoxx]

So as I begin this journey of transition, I know what parts of my body concern me the most and what I think will be a problem (or at least what I'll perceive to be a problem) in transition.

For one, I'm tall. I'm no giant, but at 5'11" or 6' (depending on day and attire) I'm not the tiniest person in the word. I know Cis-gendered women who are much taller than I, but I still feel subconscious about this.

Another thing I'm touchy on is my voice. I have a deep voice. Bass-baritone singing deep. Deeper than most people I know. I don't speak with this low of a voice unless I'm in a new situation, as it's become a defense mechanism for me. I usually speak with a mid-range (for me) but I still cannot bring myself to try my feminine again. A bad confrontation and the fear I sound forced keep me from. Though I know this and hope to address in therapy.


The biggest thing of all though, is my jaw. I was born with a congenital birth defect that severely affected my right jaw. In addition to being noticably crooked, it's also slightly painful, more so at certain times than others, and causes some hearing difficulty in the right ear, as well as popping from TMJ. This is my biggest concern. I'm afraid and not sure what to do with this.

I've attached a album of some of the pictures.

https://goo.gl/photos/mhoh73nPDZLyqNSv6

I know it's common with people such as myself with disfigurements to view them as bigger than they are. I'm just curious of anyone's opinion or if anyone had a similar situation.

[paula lesley]

Hi, LiLiFoxx. Hope you are well 


I'm 5' 11" and I have  partial paralysis of the left side of my face. I am unable to blink my left eye.
Can you help me doctor ? 

You look cute in your pictures. You are not too tall. In Europe there are lots of very tall beautiful women. JUST LIKE US 

Relax and enjoy being you. YOU LOOK GOOD BABE 

Paula, <3 X.

[Ms Grace]

I'm 6'3" and have no problem, there are taller women who likewise have no problem. As for voice you can modify how it sounds through training, practice and changing the tone... some women don't even worry to do this and have few problems. As for your jaw I can understand why you might feel it is an issue, you but seriously girl I can see nothing wrong with it and it look fine - my poor mum has had to live with much worse for more than half her life and I never hear anyone remark on it except for her. Focus more on the person you want to be when you transition - that is much more important than how you look.

[Dena]

I am 5'14", I suspect my voice was as low as yours and my second therapist said to my face that he thought I was to masculine to be a woman. I am proud of my hight, fixed the voice this summer and you judge the rest.You have to have a "I don't care what you think, I am going to be happy" attitude and then make the effort. You will have it far easer than I did because Susan's didn't exist in the late 1970's. Everybody here will do what they can to help you, all you have to do is ask.

[lilifoxx]

Thank you all for your comments thus far. They mean a lot to me.

One thing I'm worried about is doubt. Everytime I wake up, since I've made my decision to head down this road, I've had to remind myself that I am a woman. I wake up feeling like it was all just a dream, and that I have to go back to my male role. I have to stop and remind myself, and I feel so conflicted with this. When I look in the mirror I still see a boy, and it makes me so annoyed and frustrated.