My face and head are too big...I can't even wear my hair long, what can I do?

[HeatherR]

You want to know the difference between you and any other 6 foot tall woman walking down the street?  Confidence...   Just be confident in the package you put together. 

I just flat out don't see what you're talking about in that photo above...  before I read "me on the right"  I was sure you were the one on the left just by going by your original post.  Seriously, it's the contents of your head, not the size of it that is causing this image you are seeing.

[Carrie Liz]

Well, I've never seen a photo of myself with another cis woman where I was anywhere close to their size.  Which leads me to believe I'm massive, even only at 6 feet tall.

In every photo where I'm standing I look massive.  And my build just isn't right for a cis woman.  Might head might be proportionate for my body, but it's a distinct male body that I really feel can't just blend in as tall female.

Lemons, let me tell you something that I know you don't want to hear. I was stuck in this same "woe is me, I'm so much bigger than cis women, I'll never be a real woman because I'm so big" mindset for a long time.

Don't listen to those self-hating voices.

Yes, you may be bigger than most cis-women, even possibly bigger-built than any cis women you'll ever see.

That doesn't mean that you're not female.

Is there some written law that all women have to be a certain size? Is there really some law that says that you can't have long hair if your head happens to be bigger than a certain size, and do you really think that people are going to say "no, sorry, your head's too big" before they decide what to gender you?

No.

It took me a long time to internalize this. I am NOT in the range of measurements for any cis "normal" measurements. My face is angular, my shoulders are wide, I barely have any boobs, my head is huge, and I have a receded hairline in a male pattern. Plus I don't have a face that is anywhere near as feminine as yours. In every single picture I take with other women, I stick out like a sore thumb because of how big I am.

And guess what.

NONE of those things mean that I'm not a woman. And they don't mean that you're not a woman either.

Dysphoria sucks. I'm not going to lie. We all wish we could look more "normal." But at some point you just have to decide that you're not going to let your own inadequacies control your life, that you are who you know you are, and you deserve to be you, whether you fit into these norms or not.

[lemons]

Lemons, let me tell you something that I know you don't want to hear. I was stuck in this same "woe is me, I'm so much bigger than cis women, I'll never be a real woman because I'm so big" mindset for a long time.

Don't listen to those self-hating voices.

Yes, you may be bigger than most cis-women, even possibly bigger-built than any cis women you'll ever see.

That doesn't mean that you're not female.

Is there some written law that all women have to be a certain size? Is there really some law that says that you can't have long hair if your head happens to be bigger than a certain size, and do you really think that people are going to say "no, sorry, your head's too big" before they decide what to gender you?

No.

It took me a long time to internalize this. I am NOT in the range of measurements for any cis "normal" measurements. My face is angular, my shoulders are wide, I barely have any boobs, my head is huge, and I have a receded hairline in a male pattern. Plus I don't have a face that is anywhere near as feminine as yours. In every single picture I take with other women, I stick out like a sore thumb because of how big I am.

And guess what.

NONE of those things mean that I'm not a woman. And they don't mean that you're not a woman either.

Dysphoria sucks. I'm not going to lie. We all wish we could look more "normal." But at some point you just have to decide that you're not going to let your own inadequacies control your life, that you are who you know you are, and you deserve to be you, whether you fit into these norms or not.

Well, it does when it contributes to passing and blending in.  Otherwise, I can't have a fulfilling life as myself.
Also i've seen your videos and your body is not even half as bad as mine.  If I didn't know you were trans, your body would read as cis female, even in the ones you fret about.

I also doubt you stick out as badly as I do with other women.  Here is me pre transition on the far right.
Yes I had gained a few pounds, but it's not like my frame changed or anything.  And again I'm only 6 feet tall.

[Miyuki]

So lemons, I read over some of the posts you've made here over the past year, and I can't help but notice that nearly all of them are about your body dysphoria. This is obviously something that causes you a great deal of stress, but you've been coming here asking the same questions and getting the same answers for so long, I don't know what else I can say that would help. How are things in your life in general? Any particular hopes, or dreams that are not in any way related to your transition? Do you have any hobbies? Favorite song/movie/game? Anything else you want to talk about at all that isn't dysphoria related?

Edit: Also, that is one of the most clear before pictures I've seen of you, and if that guy on the right really is you, you have made amazing progress. Don't let the amazing progress you have made be diminished by the few remaining issues that you can't do anything about.

[April_TO]

Lemons, you may not like what I have to say but baby you need some help in re-aligning your mental/emotional well being and your perception of your body. As everyone have said in this forum, you look like a typical girl.

However, we must accept the reality that some or most of us cannot be petite girl with a 24 waistline and can fit a size 0. You are a tall girl (6ft) I would not want to see a tall girl with a small head - it's all about proportion.

You have a wonderful gf and she loves you for you!

So stop worrying and start living. This is not a size of your head competition - this is life. It's going to continue without us whether we like it or not.

Sending you good vibes!

April

[Squircle]

I've posted on here with similar concerns about my feet before. For you it's your head, for me my feet. It's that thing that I convince myself is stopping me from ever being considered female.

The other day work had a big party to celebrate being in business for 5 years. I had decided to wear a dress and sandal wedges, but was terrified that people would see my feet and instantly read me. I got so worked up about it that I nearly backed out. Various friends/family rallied around me to convince me that my foot issues were in my head, and I ended up going, wearing the dress, with feet on full display. And guess what; nothing bad happened. In fact, I just got compliments. I saw one guy who knew the old me and didn't know I transitioned; he didn't read me as trans, and so didn't recognise me.

I'd spent so long worrying about my feet I'd lost sight of the progress I'd made, ignored the positives in my appearance and most importantly let my insecurities put limits on my life. That's exactly what you are doing now.

I'm 5'8" and my head is 59cm, so only a tiny bit smaller than yours. I've never considered it to be a problem. If I started comparing that measurement with averages, obsessing over how my head looks etc, with the way my brain works I'm pretty sure I would quickly convince myself its a huge issue. You have essentially trained your brain to see things a certain way, so that to you, your head looks huge and you probably can't understand how no-one else can see it. Even when it's pointed out that it's the same size as some other person who passes fine, you are finding reasons why your situation is so much worse.

You need to start to address this, and seek professional help if needs be. From the photos not only do you look female, and perfectly normally proportioned, but you've made huge progress since those before photos were taken.

I'm never going to have the dainty feet I want, and you are never going to be small, but it doesn't mean you or I won't or can't pass. After I've recovered from my GRS I'm planning on seeking counselling for my body issues. I strongly suggest you do too. Above all, start trying to live your life rather than looking for reasons why you can't. You've had the strength to get this far; you have the strength to get past this as well.

[Squircle]

Incidentally, motorcycle helmets are sold in sizes up to 3XL, which is made to fit a head that measures between 65-66cm. So you are a way off those sizes!!

[cindianna_jones]

Well, I have a fat head too. I gave up worrying about body issues a long time ago. What made me happy about myself was losing some weight. Now my shoulders look narrower, so the fat head looks fine.

I remember the first time I bought a bunch of stuff as an adult and put it on. I took some pictures with a camera to see if I could ever pass. There was no freakin way I'd ever pull it off. I was 100 percent positive of that. You know what? Most people don't even notice you unless you are a quivering scared wreck trying to hide in the corner. If you think you stand out in a line, get behind someone who stands out more. There's always someone.

I have always told people the same thing. After all you can do, the best thing you can do is establish confidence in yourself. Learn to exude it. Let it pour from your speech, your actions, your very being. People won't even notice.

Chin up.

Cindi

[Mariah]

Lemons, woman come in all shapes and sizes and as much I know we have repeated that message so many times to others it bears repeating again.  For me my first transition go around I got hung up on my head and the hair that was falling out. I let other peoples comments on it get under my skin too. Yet, woman face this problem too and there are solutions for that issue. The point is we all come in different shapes and sizes most people are never like the image that we have had painted in our heads by television and other media publications. In the pictures, you can see you have had a beautiful transformation so far. I know it is hard to over come these sticking points which is why as others have pointed out to therapy really could be beneficial for you, but when your ready. Hugs
Mariah

[Violet Bloom]

You need to start to address this, and seek professional help if needs be. From the photos not only do you look female, and perfectly normally proportioned, but you've made huge progress since those before photos were taken.

  Listen well to Squircle - she's one of the most straight-talking, commonsensical people I've ever known, whether on these forums or otherwise.

[Urban Christina]

I've looked into FFS, but it seems it probably still won't solve my issues really.  I have a very very large head, it measures 23.7 inches around and all that...all the measurements I've done of it (off wig measuring sites) confirm it's in the large category.  I also think my face looks really big too...like when I notice most people their ears are closer to their faces (corners of eyes) but with my face and people with very large heads (only male celebrities I've noticed) their ears are further back, because their faces are so prominent and large:

http://imgur.com/a/XQkS4


It looks enormous like this:





As opposed to something like this, which could work in female ranges easily/work longer hair and a variety of female hairstyles:




Even Caitlyn Jenner fell somewhere in this range, because she's able to rock different hairstyles and not have a head that looks off/male for her body.

Yet I measured from ear to ear (sideburn to sideburn across face over the nose, whatever you want call it) and it's the same measurement most people would have, man or woman. (11 inches)  My head always makes me look awful in most women's clothes because it stands out like a sore thumb, not to mention I can't wear longer hair. (a wig would make my head and face look even bigger and stand out more)  Wondering if anyone else has these issues and have made it wrk...I've yet to find anyone...

I only read what you said and not others so if I missed a mention, I apologize but have you considered getting bangs? It can help and make a huge difference on some people.