Might transition a little.

[Larisa]

I have gone out dressed up as a girl but hid it. This was years back. It was winter so I could wear a hoodie to cover up. You could maybe see a bump on my chest from wearing a bra but it was also at night to. I had my toe nails done and all. Nobody knew but ya it was the only time I did it outside of the house. In private Ive dressed up like me before.

I might take slow steps to wear more than just a necklace. Im thinking of doing my nails again and this is perfect since it's fall now. Im even thinking of doing some other dressing up again but that it's hidden but that I can do without anyone seeing. For example, I might start wearing panties when I work and ya it's something no one will see. There's things to feel like you and people will not realize.

Ive been taking hair medicine for 3 months now and just seeing the effects of it but my hair is just now starting to grow back in where it thinned. I get zero side effects from it to which is great to. My hair is now a bit below ear length to. Next is I want to get facial hair removal.

Ive kinda been thinking about taking small steps since ya Im not happy trying to live a lie but Im not gonna fully at all transition. It wouldnt look how I want if I did fully plus it's expensive, surgery on my face and such would hurt and so much of it, no. I however am thinking why can't I do somethings to look and feel more like me, a girl that is. The dysphoria has been hurting really bad lately.

[Shads]

You are not living a lie by being yourself whether you transition or not.  Just do what you feel is right for you.

I underdressed often when I was younger.  Winter was great for me when working outside up a ladder.  I sneaked a pair of my mothers pantyhose and wore them under my trousers.  I was only worried incase I fell off and ended up in hospital but I had my excuse ready "I needed to wear them to stop my thighs from freezing" LOL.  No idea how I would have explained my bright red painted toenails though

[Rachel]

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Only you can decide what you want to do and what will make you happy.

[Larisa]

Well I decided to take some steps and do my nails up, wear panties underneath to work which I hope dont creep up and my hair again so these are a few starts again for me. This is a new step for me. Im tired of not being me. My hair I still have to finish but this is all a test for me. See how this goes. Just trying to be a boy is not working and actually killing me lately. Maybe stuff like this can help relieve some of the dysphoria and pain.

[Shads]

yaay, that's great to hear.  I am going to do something similar with my fingernails.  I just need to grow them and resist into the temptation to cut them short, then I can paint them.

*hugs*

[Larisa]

I dont cut them short ever but there not long. Ive never painted my fingernails. People would see.

Today was not even weird infact doing what I did made things better like I felt like one of the girls a bit more. Im now buying some panty hose off amazon which is my next step is not to only wear panties but to put on panty hose to.

My hair is totally looking better but has to thicken up more and more but there is good improvement. Im also trying to decide if I want to do a chemical straighten treatment or just buy some stuff to protect my hair when using the hair iron. Im not sure yet. Im just glad my hair is def getting better, thicker and longer. I can't wait till I can have a ponytail!! People will think I just want to look like say Jonathan Davis in korn while I know it's cause Im a girl. So people wouldnt guess and Ill feel more like me.

Im also still thinking of facial hair removal sometime. I dont want to fully transition but just change somethings. Im also gonna start to try to lose some weight and have a more skinny shape but these are all things going through my head of what to do.

These are all steps for me to see where Im comfortable. I know however one day Ill get my wish to fully be who I am, a girl completely.