When passing no longer involves effort

[iKate]

So right now, at 10 months HRT, almost a full year (I cannot believe it), I really don't see any issues passing at all. I haven't been clocked in a very long while either, at least not to my face, and any doubt people have is usually put to bed when I talk, thanks to my VFS.

I can't help but feel though, that with this out of the way, there is a huge gap in my life. Now basically not worrying about passing, it feels extremely weirdly ordinary.

Don't get me wrong, it's really nice not to have to worry. But it's just... shall I say... not a challenge anymore and the novelty has worn off. It's kind of bittersweet because I like challenges, but then again every day being a challenge was getting old.

That said, my dysphoria is mostly gone, except for my lower area.

I am free, I am happy and everyone says I am a much more cheerful and outgoing person now than I ever was. My friends say they like the new me much better than the old me. As I mentioned in the "what made you happy today" thread, even my boss has noticed this and my productivity has seriously sharply increased.

But again, there's no "thrill" to trying to pass as I had before I transitioned and early on. Getting dressed is... just getting dressed. At times it's a chore to be honest, to pick out an outfit to wear. Clothes shopping is nice, but I don't feel uneasy or uncomfortable, nor do I feel excited like I'm doing something forbidden. I even talk with people while I shop. The ladies restroom is no big deal at all, I just go in and do my business. Even talk to people, it's unreal how easy it is now.

The idea of hanging out with men is also kind of alien to me. I am back to hanging out with women, as I have through most of my life, and that is soooo much better. I really can't stand a lot of guys and how they like to hang out. 

Anyway, I KNOW people struggle with this, and I really do hope and pray that you all find your zen, but considering where I was, I thought I was doomed to a life of unpassability. It just feels sort of foreign to me for it to be this easy.

[Samantha C]

Kate that is awesome to hear, I heard you vfs recordings and hope I can get such a result thanks for sharing them.  So glad you found your Zen.

[Sydney_NYC]

Congratulations, you have reached an awesome milestone in your transitioning. We have all thought that we would not be able to pass. We think the worse: "I'm too tall", "My hairline is too masculine", "My face is too masculine", etc. It is wonderful when we get past all of that and a positive attitude and confidence goes a long way.

I remember the first time I met you prior to you transitioning at that breakfast bagel place in Chelsea. You were so nervous just talking to me about transitioning and you didn't think you could ever pass. Now a year later having seeing you a month ago for breakfast, it's amazing how much more confidence you have now and you just seem so natural at being the woman you always were but now it's showing on the outside. Having had the same experience myself, it's still different to see someone else go through it from the outside and it's a wonderful thing to see. It only gets easier from here.

[Eva Marie]

Kate-

I can relate to this - I am so busy with my day to day life and I go from one thing to the next that I hardly ever think about the challenges of how it used to be. Dressing carries no thrill, putting on makeup has gotten to be an every morning mechanical task that I don't think about, I can't wait to get home after work and strip off my bra and heels, and going to the restroom no longer merits much of a thought. The things that guys like to do seem foreign to me now - I'd much rather spend time with the ladies.

It seems that we've both made the journey over the gender bridge, and we now live as it should have been from the start.

[iKate]

Congratulations, you have reached an awesome milestone in your transitioning. We have all thought that we would not be able to pass. We think the worse: "I'm too tall", "My hairline is too masculine", "My face is too masculine", etc. It is wonderful when we get past all of that and a positive attitude and confidence goes a long way.

I remember the first time I met you prior to you transitioning at that breakfast bagel place in Chelsea. You were so nervous just talking to me about transitioning and you didn't think you could ever pass. Now a year later having seeing you a month ago for breakfast, it's amazing how much more confidence you have now and you just seem so natural at being the woman you always were but now it's showing on the outside. Having had the same experience myself, it's still different to see someone else go through it from the outside and it's a wonderful thing to see. It only gets easier from here.

See so you've seen me end to end, basically. Believe it or not you were one of my huge inspirations. I can't thank you enough.

It kicked up 200% for me when I went full time and when I got my voice back I was well on my way. Next is my name change (just waiting for the court order to be effective) and SRS sometime. Looking forward to it.

[kelly_aus]

There are essentially 2 ways to get where you are.. One is that everything has come together for you and it's turned out well enough that no one second guesses you any more. The second is that somewhere along the way, you just give up giving a sheep what other people think about certain things.

You seem to have taken the 1st route.. I took the 2nd, in fact, I took it several years ago. I thought it was great that I was finally just living the life of a woman, but you don't appear to be so sure about it.

[April_TO]

Congrats my dear sister, the little blue pill has been kind and generous to us
I have seen your transformation and it is truly remarkable.

I wish I have the same level of grace, beauty and confidence you have. Keep rocking it girl xoxo

So right now, at 10 months HRT, almost a full year (I cannot believe it), I really don't see any issues passing at all. I haven't been clocked in a very long while either, at least not to my face, and any doubt people have is usually put to bed when I talk, thanks to my VFS.

I can't help but feel though, that with this out of the way, there is a huge gap in my life. Now basically not worrying about passing, it feels extremely weirdly ordinary.

Don't get me wrong, it's really nice not to have to worry. But it's just... shall I say... not a challenge anymore and the novelty has worn off. It's kind of bittersweet because I like challenges, but then again every day being a challenge was getting old.

That said, my dysphoria is mostly gone, except for my lower area.

I am free, I am happy and everyone says I am a much more cheerful and outgoing person now than I ever was. My friends say they like the new me much better than the old me. As I mentioned in the "what made you happy today" thread, even my boss has noticed this and my productivity has seriously sharply increased.

But again, there's no "thrill" to trying to pass as I had before I transitioned and early on. Getting dressed is... just getting dressed. At times it's a chore to be honest, to pick out an outfit to wear. Clothes shopping is nice, but I don't feel uneasy or uncomfortable, nor do I feel excited like I'm doing something forbidden. I even talk with people while I shop. The ladies restroom is no big deal at all, I just go in and do my business. Even talk to people, it's unreal how easy it is now.

The idea of hanging out with men is also kind of alien to me. I am back to hanging out with women, as I have through most of my life, and that is soooo much better. I really can't stand a lot of guys and how they like to hang out. 

Anyway, I KNOW people struggle with this, and I really do hope and pray that you all find your zen, but considering where I was, I thought I was doomed to a life of unpassability. It just feels sort of foreign to me for it to be this easy.

[Sydney_NYC]

See so you've seen me end to end, basically. Believe it or not you were one of my huge inspirations. I can't thank you enough.

Ahh, thank you I'm just glad that I was there to help.

It kicked up 200% for me when I went full time and when I got my voice back I was well on my way. Next is my name change (just waiting for the court order to be effective) and SRS sometime. Looking forward to it.

You were so self conscious about you voice. That one thing gave you such a confidence boost. When you told me your were going to have the VFS I was really concerned (as I told you.) I'm so glad that it had work out well for you. That one thing I think made 1000% difference in the way you presented yourself in comfort level.

[Miyuki]

I can really relate to this thread Kate. Lately I've found myself thinking every once in a while, why did I want to transition so badly in the first place? I feel basically normal now, there's nothing particularly special about my life, so why was this something so important to me? But, then I remember what a miserable shell of a human being I was as a man, and how it sucked the joy out of everything I tried to do in life, and... yea. When being a woman is just normal, it does lose some of it's allure, but it's like, normal is a good thing now. Before it used to feel like my life was just a useless struggle, and I needed things that were exciting or extraordinary just to not feel bad all the time, but now I think that I can be happy with a plain and normal life. Now I'm looking forward to things like saving up money to finish certain physical aspects of my transition, going back to school, maybe trying to live in Japan for a while, figuring out how I can make getting married/having children work... In the end gender just ends up being another one of the many parts of who I am, and it starts to fade into the background, but it was something I needed to deal with to be able to be happy with myself. And I think that is what the goal of transition should be, because being able to be happy with who you are is something that people need. Without it, life is just empty, and you can never really be happy. In retrospect, the contrast of the misery you feel before transition with the normalcy you feel after transition can seem like a letdown, but you know, I'll still take it any day over the alternative.

[iKate]

There are essentially 2 ways to get where you are.. One is that everything has come together for you and it's turned out well enough that no one second guesses you any more. The second is that somewhere along the way, you just give up giving a sheep what other people think about certain things.

You seem to have taken the 1st route.. I took the 2nd, in fact, I took it several years ago. I thought it was great that I was finally just living the life of a woman, but you don't appear to be so sure about it.

I do a bit of both. More #1 than 2 but 2 plays an important part. I assert my identity and I physically back it up. But I don't go around shouting "I'm a woman." I just act naturally and it just comes to me. I don't get questioned but I don't really give a damn anyway:

[Lady_Oracle]

Yep I hit this point in my transition about a year ago and a half ago. It's nice that I can wear any kind of clothes and still be gendered correctly, thank you hrt. I'm still struggling with my bottom half though and yeah idk its just tough. Life lately at least socially has been "normal" for once. No more worrying about my looks, I can rock any hairstyle without feeling paranoid, my confidence is higher than it's ever been despite the fact that I'm dealing with another round of depression. I really can't complain minus my own personal issues. In comparison to where I was 5-6 years ago when I started transition, life now is the complete opposite in the best way possible. I was doubting myself that I was blending in so well but I took a trip during the summer and spent lots of time with people who didn't know at all, it all went very smoothly.

[Zoetrope]

But I don't go around shouting "I'm a woman."

... yes you do! I see it in every other thread. Maybe you aren't aware of it ...

[mfox]

So right now, at 10 months HRT, almost a full year (I cannot believe it), I really don't see any issues passing at all.

I can say 10 months HRT (and 1 year facial laser+electrolysis) is about right for me too.  I don't have to wear makeup on average anymore, which is the most liberating part, or wear breast forms, which felt like lying to people.  But the excitement is definitely gone, replaced by an agonising wait for GCS.  If I didn't have to tuck every day, I would be living a normal life I think.

[chuufk]

I can really relate to this thread Kate. Lately I've found myself thinking every once in a while, why did I want to transition so badly in the first place? I feel basically normal now, there's nothing particularly special about my life,

That is me. You have described exactly how I feel now. Life is normal. Either I pass or everyone just accepts me without question, I have no idea which and I really do not care.

I don't have to wear makeup on average anymore, which is the most liberating part, or wear breast forms, which felt like lying to people.  But the excitement is definitely gone, replaced by an agonising wait for GCS.  If I didn't have to tuck every day, I would be living a normal life I think.

I now only wear a small amount of concealer and some mascara and a touch of lippy. That is all I need. My boobs are not much but they are genuine and they are mine and that is good enough for me.

I understand about tucking. I did it for years and I am so glad it is not needed any more. It was the last thing making me feel "fake" and now it is gone.

[iKate]

... yes you do! I see it in every other thread. Maybe you aren't aware of it ...

I meant outside of the community. Here it's different because we support each other and I only state my POV as being "just a woman." In daily life I really don't even mention it.

[barbie]

iKate, congrats on your new voice. It would be great that you no longer need to pass hardly.

Yes. My low voice is the major obstacle for me to pass, but I do not care so much about passing. Most people I frequently meet know well who I am, and I frequently meet them with my family members, including my wife. While wearing bikini in the beach and attracting a lot of attention from both men and women, my little daughter shouts "Daddy! Daddy!"

I am incomplete, and dance between a woman and a man. That is our life.

barbie~~

[taylor_h]

Thats still kind of cute though.

I have two young boys that call me Daddy as well, I have started asking them to call me by name sometimes although I'm always going to be their Daddy.

Taylor

[iKate]

For now my kids call me daddy but we will figure something out. It confuses people. That aspect of my life is what I need to figure out.

[vickym]

Maybe there is a tendency for us to overthink passing and more likely early in transition.For me,I totally didnt pass pre FFS.That changed my life to the point where I rarely think about it.

[Mariah]

Congrats Kate. I know once you hit that point it really is just life without having to focus on the struggles that get you to that point. It is fantastic that you hit point now. Hugs
Mariah