I know this could be looked as a small step in my outing process at work , but I am really not to sure on how and where to end it all up. Away from work, I am female , I dont go any where without dressing as , a purse and, some form of makeup (if not a full face).
I have started electro so I go to work with red burn marks on my face for a few days a week.
At work I am so closeted. but some things are starting to give me away. to the point that a male co worker asked me if I am going to have a sex change. Being that i am not ready to cure his suspicion just yet, I took the route of sarcasm, "Yeaah I have an apointment next week, Im gunna lay it on a a block of wood and have it lopped off with an axe. Later i was asked if I am trying to be like caitlyn, I replied "not im just trying to be (my male adrogyne name that will be my name of my ID when I make it all legal.)
With all that I think I may be time to get a draft on my coming out at work place letter. That being said I have alot of fear to over come.
Putting my life in the balance of some Human Resources person I dont know who lives in another city, At almost sixty, losing my job is not the best thing that can happen. Being transgender and having macho men as supervision probably is a bit of a hurdle too. Esp when one is in control of keeping you or not keeping you as he sees fit. The alienation and ridicule I believe I can handle, as for the most part I have a "dont like it dont watch attitude.
The only therapist I see is at the gender clinic of the city I live. because I have too. My opinion on gender therapists are 'what the hell do you know have you ever tucked your dick in a pair of panties?'
Im kinda thinking that maybe letting things grow out a bit more will quell curiosity and open up things a little for me, so the coming out process wont be such a shock.
I want to get on with my life, but I believe that the days of losing it all because your are trans, should quickly end. If any one has any suggestions. thanx in advance
P.S I know my thoughts are a lil random... but i type as I think and really hate typing..... this is the most I have ever shared here... and not with voice recog....
