Gender identity and OCD?

[captains]

Hey again. Hope this post isn't too weird and apologies in advance if it is. I was wondering if anyone else on these forums had an OCD dx, and if so, how that impacted your thoughts on your gender.

Background info: for most people, the act of questioning their gender is a hallmark sign of not being cis, but for people w/ obsessive compulsive disorder, it's not always that simple. TOCD, or transgender OCD, is surprisingly common. In TOCD, a person (often, but not always, cis) wonders if they may be transgender. Instead of laughing it off, however, their OCD brain becomes fixated on the possibility, trapping them in distressing thought-loops full of unsolvable and upsetting questions. Trust me, it's really awful!

Anyway, I have ("pure O") OCD and my brain is always telling me horsecrap that isn't true. It's dumb as hell, tbh, and it can be frustrating for me to sort out the garbage from the good stuff. I spend a lot of time worrying that my trans identity isn't "real" -- that it's just a product of my idiotic badbrains -- and sometimes that fear leads me down obsessive spirals in and of itself. I was wondering if anyone on the forum might be in the same boat.

[Shads]

I've had OCD for 12 years and have a few on this list

Obsessions often have themes to them, such as:

Fear of contamination or dirt
Having things orderly and symmetrical
Aggressive or horrific thoughts about harming yourself or others
Unwanted thoughts, including aggression, or sexual or religious subjects
Examples of obsession signs and symptoms include:

Fear of being contaminated by shaking hands or by touching objects others have touched
Doubts that you've locked the door or turned off the stove
Intense stress when objects aren't orderly or facing a certain way
Images of hurting yourself or someone else
Thoughts about shouting obscenities or acting inappropriately
Avoidance of situations that can trigger obsessions, such as shaking hands
Distress about unpleasant sexual images repeating in your mind

But thanks to my therapist that I have been seeing since early 2014, things have gotten so much better.  I've had issues with my gender since I was young and having OCD has not impacted them significantly.

[AnonyMs]

I don't think I'm OCD but I have a few mild versions of some of those symptoms. Nothing that has a negative impact on my life fortunately, and some I've encouraged as it helps in my work. Perfectionism for one, although that can be a big negative as well and I've had to learn how to manage it. I'll have to bring it up with my psych if I ever see him again.

It makes me wonder though, what happens if you're OCD and not transgender, and you take HRT?

[CreepyCourtney]

I have OCD with all kinds of checking and cleaning symptoms. Most of my obsessions come from fear of hurting others but like you I used to obsess with my identity. I have been on hormones for a while and living part time for kind of a long time and I am much much happier now then before but because of the intangible nature of identity my OCD used to weasel its way in there. It was hard but I just treated it like any other obsession and  and it went away like all the others. I'm in full OCD remission right now so I haven't felt anything like that in a while but I definitely felt it a lot back in the first couple of years of my transition. Are you on any meds for your OCD? Prozac is a miracle.

[Allison Wunderland]

Order, symmetry, arrangement -- great stuff in the fine arts, graphics, typography.

I accumulate stuff, not exactly hoarding, more "collecting w/ an eye" -- of late it's cis-F clothing I can use (Thrift Stores), but also zillions if earrings, jewelry findings.

Bad brain arguments about "fetish, trans, M/F, I lose track . . . ) I obsess about gender presentation and how far along non-binary continuum . . .

I'm not qualified to provide Dx. I could probably obsess about my not being qualified . . .

[Batmanlovr]

I've had OCD for 12 years and have a few on this list

Obsessions often have themes to them, such as:

Fear of contamination or dirt
Having things orderly and symmetrical
Aggressive or horrific thoughts about harming yourself or others
Unwanted thoughts, including aggression, or sexual or religious subjects
Examples of obsession signs and symptoms include:

Fear of being contaminated by shaking hands or by touching objects others have touched
Doubts that you've locked the door or turned off the stove
Intense stress when objects aren't orderly or facing a certain way
Images of hurting yourself or someone else
Thoughts about shouting obscenities or acting inappropriately
Avoidance of situations that can trigger obsessions, such as shaking hands
Distress about unpleasant sexual images repeating in your mind

But thanks to my therapist that I have been seeing since early 2014, things have gotten so much better.  I've had issues with my gender since I was young and having OCD has not impacted them significantly.

THIS IS ME!!!

I have a major fear of germs or dirty my house is like a hospital I am constantly disinfecting everything. Every thing needs to be symmetrical even things out in public ( this stresses me also and then I have to remove myself from that object ), or in order I am very very organized and even when I do forget a password or anything it bothers me ALOT and I get stressed out.  well out in public I use the sleeve of my sweater to touch things and also carry a little bottle of hand sanitizer, also I constantly over think unnecessary thoughts about people not liking me, or not being important, wanting to self harm ( then I do it ). I will pick apart peoples art to see if it is all symmetrical and if not I will comment on it. I don't hug or touch anyone cause it causes me a lot of discomfort.

[captains]

It makes me wonder though, what happens if you're OCD and not transgender, and you take HRT?

That's a good question, and kind of what I'm afraid to find out. See, the thing about tOCD is that it can look a lot like a bourgeoning trans identity in a person with a lot of internalised transphobia. "I don't want to be trans, the idea of it upsets me, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. I spend half my day imagining myself as a [woman/man]. What's wrong with me?!?" Well, usually gender dysphoria, but sometimes mental illness, haha. I suspect cross sex hormones would be super upsetting in the case of the latter! People w tOCD are usually cis, so the body changes would be awful.

I say "usually" because I definitely experienced a lot of badbrain garbage around my gender. When I first started seriously questioning, I was absolutely in the throes of some OCD  wackiness. But that was 2+ years ago. My brain has moved onto other annoyances. Now, the panicked fervour is gone, but I still have the dysphoria, the questions, the shifted internal identity -- the trans-ness, essentially. Wild, right? I have a hard time trusting it, though. I have a hard time trusting ANYTHING my brain tells me.

Are you on any meds for your OCD? Prozac is a miracle.

Prozac is a great drug! Unfortunately, the side effect profile I experienced was horrible. It shut down my OCD instantly, but it took everything else with it. Anhedonia, flat affect. I was the stereotypical robot on SSRIs. Total bummer.

Basically, I'm completely guano, but also very high functioning/achieving/blah blah blah, and that makes it hard for me to experiment w drugs. I'm afraid to upset that fragile balance, yknow? Oh well. Quothe that great philosopher Sir Michael Jagger, you can't always get what you want. 

[CreepyCourtney]

It makes me wonder though, what happens if you're OCD and not transgender, and you take HRT?

From what I understand going on MTF HRT can actually worsen the symptoms of pre-exsisting anxiety disorders like OCD and GAD. I'm not sure how FTM HRT affects things tho. I was advised to have my OCD under control before starting hormones, but with that said I have been on them for a few months have not had any bad effects. If anything I feel better now. However the link between anxiety and hormones is pretty well documented.

[Allison Wunderland]

No M.D. here, but I've read that Finasteride -- for anti-anbdrogen -- results in depression in about 90% users. I wonder if sexual side-effects are part of this profile: ED, reduced libido. Finasteride and this class are used to "chemically castrate" sex offenders.

Anti-androgen (Finasteride) seem to increase risk of a more severe form of prostate cancer. Also seems to require HRT, because of the hormonal effects on osteoporosis.

SSRI -- (Zoloft, Prozac), I was on 1/8 the dose objective (25 mg) for six days. The MD wanted to increase to 200 mg. / day. Six days made me hypo-manic and put me in the ER. It works for some, not for me.

Medical students learn in First Year Pharmacy that "Rx of 5 drugs has a 100% probability of causing some sort of drug interaction."

I'm taking three meds -- blood pressure, cholesterol, reflux. And medical marijuana, which is legal here.

MJ works for the dysphoria, depression, anxiety.

[CreepyCourtney]

I'm not exactly an expert but and I dont know about for other ssri's but 25mg of prozac seems like a REALLY high starting dosage. It took me about six months to work my way up to 25mg. If you don't start slow, prozac can be absolutely devastating. It can actually cause severe anxiety and a lot of other terrible things until you body develops a tolerance to it. I would also be a little wary of any doctor prescribing just Finasteride as your primary anti-androgen. In the US they normally prescribe Spiro and supplement it with Finasteride to aid in blocking the body from the conversion of estrogen and testosterone to DHT but the Finasteride part of the regiment is usually prescribed in small doses. In the UK I thing they use Androcur but I'm not sure what or if they supplement it with any other type of androgen blocker.

[KalabLee1214]

Omg I found someone just like me in thought. HUGS sorry was that to much? Lol great to meet you btw im Kalab.

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[captains]

Welcome, Kalab. It's a wild ride, huh?

[KalabLee1214]

Welcome, Kalab. It's a wild ride, huh?

Yes it definately is is there private messaging on here ?

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