I will never pass

[Miyah48]

Me passing will most likely never be a thing. It hurts. I am speechless when I think about it. The only things that are usually left are jealousy of people who do pass (and girls in general) and anger. I know its nice to think that maybe one day I could but I don't truly believe it. I'm to large. To enormous. And to man looking for it ever to be a probability. My mother says I would make a ugly girl. She's not completely wrong. No matter what I do (cry, scream, or fight) this will never change. Everything outside will not match anything inside. Only in my wildest dreams can this happen.  I'm not gonna lie, it makes me feel hopeless. That this existence should be halted. That something somewhere made a mistake and I'm it. I don't really no what to do with of all these feelings. So I apologize for dumping it on you people.

[Marlee]

do you have therapist you can talk to?  Passing can become an obsession, and what really counts is how you feel. I struggled with this myself for a while, being six-foot tall and totally bald. But my therapist was very helpful in dealing with my self-consciousness, which was also leaning me towards a passing obsession. We are all our own worst critics and always see things about ourselves that we are sure are obvious to others...but often are not.

[Mariah]

Hi Miyah, I know it is hard to see because of your size, shape, you fill in the blank but you will be surprised what can happen with hormones, hairstyle, makeup (if you choose too), hair removal, and the right clothing for your body will do. So many tall people pass just fine because remember woman come in all shapes and sizes. I used to think because of my voice I would never pass despite knowing it nearly passed without trying. Yet I was reminded by my therapist that my voice was even higher than hers. I really reccommend looking at the before and after thread and you will see that some of us were not so pretty when we started out and now look at us. I agree with Marlee that your concerns are something you should also share with your therapist. Hugs
Mariah

[Cutie99]

Well, ur mother is hella wrong.

Even though passing is just one of the many issues we all trans women have, it seems like the only one that matters.
Girl, please don't waste your life thinking about what people will think about you. You're a strong, beautiful woman.

I want you to repeat this, while looking straight at you, in the mirror. "I am a strong, beautiful woman."
If you're the first one who doubts on it, how can you expect people to believe it? Forget beauty standards and cover models, that beauty doesn't belong to real world. You is the only thing that matters.

[Miyah48]

Thank you everyone for ur kind words. I certainly do need to talk to a therapist. Itll be awhile till I can do that but im excited for the chance. I guess u guys are right. How can anyone else believe it if i dont.

[Dena]

My THERAPIST said I was to male to pass. Look at the picture and see if he was right. Even if I couldn't pass, that wouldn't have stopped me because the hurt on the inside was so great I needed treatment. Today for those who have real issues, FFS is an option but many times it's possible to pass without it.

[kittenpower]

I'm a big picture thinker, and I had a vision in my minds eye of what I would look like after all was said and done; I'm also a realist, and I realized that my transition would not be something that I could do overnight, but it was doable, if I was willing have patience, and do everything necessary to get me where I wanted to be. I started researching transsexuality (that's what it was called then) and transitioning in 1998, right after my 35th birthday, as that is when I got my first computer and had internet access for the first time, and I didn't go full time until I had some FFS in 2007. 

[leacobb]

Hiya miyah, life as a transwoman/trans man is not easy and there are so many steps we need to do and so many battles we need to overcome. But all these challenges make us as strong as we are as people. You are a beautiful person with great strength and believe me when i say you will go far... Your mother is wrong in what she has said because she has no facts regarding hormonal changes you will face in your future. And she is wrong for saying that to you in the first place..

Before i started my transition i had a very strong jaw a very deep voice and my body was big. If you would of asked me if i looked feninine then i would say NO.. But with hard work and hormones i now have the body i wanted (  minus a bit of a belly) and i have worked very hard on my voice too even tho i still struggle now and again.. But like i said i am who i am because i have fought for it and ignored all the negitivitys from people around me. Im now happy and i do pass....

You are you and you can be happy with yourself.. Everyone else in my opinion really doesnt matter. The way you see yourself and the work you put in will speak for itself over time.

I really wish you all the best, and i hope you do find happiness because your really do deserve it

[stephaniec]

transition is a tough road for everyone. I don't know what you mean by big whether in weight or bones, but just look around and see the multitude of differences in women. If it's weight it's doable and losing weight will help with the appearance of your frame looking thinner. As far as your facial features of the concept of beauty once again take a stroll in a busy mall and see all the differences . If you can't transition because you'll never look like Caitlyn Jenner that would make 80% of people who thought about transition not transition. Realistically life is a challenge for everyone on this planet even though us trans carry an extra burden, but we do it because we need to.

[Wild Flower]

I kind of accept that, I will never pass 100% all the time. And even if I turn into an ugly woman, rather be a woman, than an ugly man (cause yes; I'm going to end up as an ugly man; short, not a remarkable face). Now, as a woman, I can get away with that.

I think maybe finding a support group could help.

[Allison Wunderland]

If you can find clothes that fit, that proves there are cis-F your size.

If you do pass, you're still you. Open the door to the you that is comfortable; fashion these days is pretty unisex. "Femme" is something else. Lots of women can't do femme.

I stopped trying to "femme" pass, now dressing like cis-F locally, and the beach tourista cis-M. Long hair, earrings (6), tanks, T's, beach-comb cargo pants, hats, and the gender presentation becomes fluid.

I wish I could "pass" for Kiera Knightly, Nicole Kidmann -- most women so wish too!

Gender distinctions are fading fast! It's a fashion trend! I wish it would drop off, but it's still here -- I've tried beating to death . . . No luck! LMAO

[JoanneB]

I am 6 ft tall, big everything, deep voiced, and name about any other physical trait and I am the gene-pool winner of the Opposite-Female contest. In my early twenties I twice experimented with transitioning, both times a disaster. Add to that never loosing the "Some Guy in a Dress" feeling which must have exuded from every pore in my body.

It took a lots of practice with makeup, hair, lots of thrift shop clothes to even begin to develop "a look". Something most women do from age 4 onward. My only "Look" was big and baggy.

Most importantly was Attitude. It took a lot of working on myself. As the saying goes 99% of passing is attitude. Not a lot physically has changed over the years besides loosing even more hair yet I am seen as and accepted as a woman.

THe jump-start on attitude came for me through my TG support group and a couple of angels there for me when I needed them most

[taylor_h]

There are plenty of very tall and even solid women out there who are just beautiful.

The world has all shapes and sizes.

I found HRT was incredible at taking off bulk, Personally I would drop 1kg a week like clockwork for many months, the once masculine style bulk fell away quickly.

T.

[Sophieraven]

Hey Stuff passing!! Be the best you can make yourself, if you feel good about yourself, then that will show more than anything else and people won't even notice if you "pass" or not. I get more comments now that i feel better as a woman inside because people notice my confidence not what i look like, and that just feeds back and makes me feel better in myself which makes me do more, so the cycle feeds it's self. Just my 2c's worth.
Sophie