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Dante:
Most all of us have been where you are so let's work together to get you where you want to be with your mom and family.
I hope the brief bit I write here will help.
Allow me to begin by sharing what I did as an example.
I was into persistent feminine protesting beginning at age three (1959) and throughout my childhood and teen years. As such, I was always 'out' to my family. Unlike you, there was no big revelation other than the questions of 'When will it be the last time they see Nick?' (my male predecessor) and 'When will it be the first time they see Sharon?'
I told my mom my new name is Sharon one Saturday morning during visitation when I was 8 years old (1965). Instead of listening to me, she scolded me, 'You don't want that name, it's a girl's name.' 'No, Mom. I AM a girl, Mom. I'm gonna do it, Mom. I'm REALLY gonna do it!' was my usual reply.
So I asked my mom, years later after I finished all my transition, whether she reflected on her child's life and remembered that morning long ago. She told me that she had no memory of it. In other words, my mom did not think much of her own child who needed a parent.
I expect your mom is much better than mine. Nowadays, attitudes are better and parents are more likely understanding.
Yes, telling her can be tough. Maybe that note is a good idea if she can read it at a quiet place without disturbance. Maybe slip it under her pillow or with a book she is reading.
Maybe just a quick introduction note to start:
- 'Mom, we really need to talk about something very important. Let me know when we can do this in private.'
Then work on a longer note with the details that are important for you to express to her. You can give one copy of this longer note to her and read to her from your copy if that makes it easy so that you do not need to worry about forgetting the important points.
You care for her and seek her understanding. That's a good opening.
I hope this all works out well for you and your family.
Keep us posted on your progress. Thank you.
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