Deborah,
Thank you for taking the time to answer. You are not rambling and I appreciate that. I hope you do not mind if I continue. I find some of the things you say intriguing.
To start, thank you for your years of service in the Army. You have done more than many who have cast stones at you. Many who may have done so in spiritual ignorance without knowing what they are doing. As well as those who just hate. I am personally grateful for all who served.
I would like to share some thought on some issues you touched on. Things many so called Christians don't know or may not even care to know. Things which can make them hurt others.
Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I am leaving. Not because of the unbelievers. Because of the so called Christians who pick and choose what portion of the word of God they want. I hope I can set this in order.
Before I start let me touch on what you said about having the Lord speak to you. I believe he did. I have had him speak to me so as you described it I knew that he most likely did. That means that he does know you which is a great starting place. It beats being one whom the Lord will say depart from me ye worker of iniquity, I never knew you.
Let me start with rejecting the Lord. Scripturally speaking many have rejected the Lord with their lips and not in their heart. Others have rejected the Lord in their heart while not doing so with their lips. While it is written from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks we should also know that when people are hurt or frustrated enough they may say something they do not mean in their heart. Like Moses smiting the stone twice and calling the children of Israel stiff necked rebels. We all have said some pretty bad things at one time or another. The Lord knows our heart.
Many Christians have rejected the Lord in their heart which can be seen by the way they speak or post. They can reject the truth while professing to be a Christian every step of the way. An example would be rejecting a scripture because it steps on their toes and yet proclaiming Christ. In such case that person has truly rejected the Lord even though they don't admit it. Those who speak from pain or frustration may have said the words yet not meant it in their heart. I tend to see that more with you.
When it comes to sin and abomination the things which hinder Christians most is knowledge of the word of God and lack of discernment. The biggest hindrance to faith is our own mind. Sort of as written, lean not unto thy own understanding. Paul bore witness in 1 Corinthians 2: 7-14 about the spirit of man seeking the things of man and the Spirit of God seeking the things of God. When we study our own mind can be our worst enemy. The word of God is spiritually discerned.
Naturally time and space does not allow going into depth with this but many who may call you an abomination are no better. Hence my reason for leaving Facebook. They are fast to acknowledge someone else's sin but justify their own. It is written about a sin unto death and a sin not unto death. We pray for a sin not unto death but not for a sin unto death. Those sins are sin (not unto death) and abomination. (sin unto death) Here's where many miss the boat so to speak.
We all have sin in our life we can cease. Cursing might be a simple example. We must remember the word of God is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Therefor, if a Christian curses and repents and trys to stop it is just sin. Foregivable and one we can pray for. If a Christian says " I don't care what the word of God says" and continues to curse it is now an abomination. That is because of willing disobedience and rebellion (which is as witchcraft) and rejection both of the word of God and the Spirit of God which moved men to write that word.
The same holds true with transgender thoughts and urges. When a person has ththoughts and urges relating to being transgender they can pray about it or just not care what the word of God says. I won't go into the part where people say the word of God backs it as that does not apply to what you are saying and I don't want to risk saying anything that would hurt others or get the post shut down. So I avoid that issue.
Getting back to what I was saying, the individual can pray about it and it is sin. They can reject the word of God or not care what the Lord says and it is an abomination. Notice the same holds true for both transgender issues and cursing. Any sin for that matter. So who is worse? The person who prays about transgender issues or the person who curses and doesn't care what the Lord thinks? To sin in one area of the law is to sin in all. To seek the Lord in one area is to seek the Lord in all. To reject the word of God in one area is to reject the word of God in all. Therefore, you may have said "I reject you" to the Lord in frustration or anger and never really said it as far as he is concerned and you may have sinned without committing an abomination. Remember, it's the thoughts and intents of the
heart.It's one thing to put on a dress for example from an urge you can't help and another to do so not caring what the word of God says. Totally different.
Before you give up on your faith totally I would hope that you would consider these things. You never know what the future holds for you if you hang on.
Every day I witnessed willing ignorance, picking and choosing scriptures and justifying sin and abomination from straight and cisgender people. These same people would cast stones at others not even realizing that they may be doing worse. Yet when you confront their sin of choice they were quick to justify it. Which, of course, makes it an abomination.
It's not in my place to judge you. Only the Lord can do that. Neither is it in my place to tell you how to live your life. That's up to you. I just hope that you don't give up on your faith too soon. And if you feel like you have strive to get it back. I do believe that the Lord spake unto you and if you do try to get your faith back he'll answer. Maybe not as you think. The hallway may still appear dark but it's the hope at the end of the hallway we need to seek. The end of our faith, the salvation of our soul as Peter said. I would rather strive to please the Lord battling with and praying about things in my life which go against the word of God than give up and assure my doom. And I have enough of my own kiddo. I have no room to judge.
I didn't mean to go on so long but your post and views touched me. The things I have been trying to explain are not easily explained in a short post. I can only hope that I was able to present them in a manner that makes sense and in a light many don't think about. Maybe if cisgender and straight people would consider some of these things they would quit doing what they do which goes against the word of God. Maybe they would quit throwing stones. Sadly, many straight and cisgender people do not even know about the difference between sin and abomination stemming from the heart. I guess the bride of Christ enjoys wearing her Husband's breastplate of judgment in a deeper spiritual sense while pointing out a MTF in a dress. Which are both the same.
As for me, I have stated before that I disagree with many things transgender people believe but then again I disagree with many things straight and cisgender people believe. But, that doesn't give me the right to accuse or judge or condemn. Each and every one of us have to answer for our own sins. I just hope you hang in there and don't give up. As long as you try to please the Lord there is hope. I would love to see you make it.
I hope this helps kiddo. You may be closer to the Lord than some who have hated you. Please don't give up.
Have a blessed day.
Del