Experiencing the loss of my male privelege

[MyNameIsElla]

Ever since I've started living my life mostly as a women I've been noticing little things that are really starting to urk me. The first time I was cat called it was flattering cause all he said was hey beautiful but the second time I experienced it I was mortified by what he told me to do in full view of several other people. I felt ashamed and reduced to nothing but what he wanted me to be. Also I've noticed how people just assume i'm less smart or capable unless it's something to do with typically "female roles". So I guess what I'm asking is how did you gals manage to learn to deal with it. We as trans women don't have a life time of experience to draw from like our cisgender friends and family. So how do I deal with it cause I'm not gonna let the patriarchy keep me from becoming what I need to be to be happy and whole and authentic.

[Ms Grace]

The one thing I've lost that I miss is feeling safe to walk home at night. Did it for nine years as a guy in the same neighbourhood with no problem, within two months of transition I got stalked by some lunatic who wanted to "just talk" to me at 11.30pm in the middle of a park. Sheesh. I thought I was being a bit stupid by catching the bus or cabs home if it was after 8.30 but given a woman was murdered in that park around 9pm some ten months later it's better to be safe than sorry.

That sense of security is a big thing I know, but other than that I don't feel like I've lost too much - I was never an alpha (or beta or gamma) male and never knowingly abused any male privilege I might have had anyway. My work industry is very female dominated so us ladies don't get short shrift from any dude that knows what's good for him.

[Mariah]

As Grace mentioned the safety piece after dark especially is the biggest one for me too. I was used to walking after dark, but started to even have issues as transition neared. If you know what is good for you don't go walking around after dark where I live it just isn't safe. Since the bus doesn't run much past dark or not all past dark some parts of the year that means cab. I haven't been affected much by people not listening to me. It's not a problem I face in relation to work since I take care of people for a living and it's female dominated. Hugs
Mariah

[taylor_h]

Security is important these days for both men and woman,

4 months living as a female and I was attacked coming home at night, first time I had ever been attacked in my life but I have to admit in this case it probably was not gender related, just a robbery. My nose was fractured but I was lucky and came out fine.

I seem to find my self doing constant risk assessment these days, which seems to correlate to what woman say they must do on a daily basis.

Any time i'm wearing heals its taxi's to and from the door.

Any time at night its taxi's to and from the door

basically its taxis to and from the door

Certainly once upon a time as a male I felt like I was safe enough pretty much anywhere in the city. That feeling has gone for the right or wrong reason I don't know.

Taylor.

[Kylie1]

It's a real shame that our towns and cities have that element in them.  You don't want the criminals to win, but the reality is without a gun or pepper spray women get overpowered and taken advantage quite easily

[Leafa]

I'm not actually full time or anything but I consider myself lucky to live in Québec city. I could count the number of murders that happen here in the last 10 years on 1 hand. I was even delivering newspapers in the worst part of the city at ungodly hours of the night and I've never felt threaten in anyway.

Ever since I've started living my life mostly as a women I've been noticing little things that are really starting to urk me. The first time I was cat called it was flattering cause all he said was hey beautiful but the second time I experienced it I was mortified by what he told me to do in full view of several other people. I felt ashamed and reduced to nothing but what he wanted me to be. Also I've noticed how people just assume i'm less smart or capable unless it's something to do with typically "female roles". So I guess what I'm asking is how did you gals manage to learn to deal with it. We as trans women don't have a life time of experience to draw from like our cisgender friends and family. So how do I deal with it cause I'm not gonna let the patriarchy keep me from becoming what I need to be to be happy and whole and authentic.

I am quite open and like to flirt a lot so I kind of turn it back on them really and it shut most of them up quite fast lol.
I think it as a lot more to do with confidence then anything else, the more confident you are the more smart and capable you seem.

[audreelyn]

I definitely echo the security issues all of you have mentioned.

Another thing I'd like to add is that some of my guy friends don't invite me to guys nights out anymore. And if we are in a situation where it's the bros and I... they tone down the jokes and crudeness, like I can't handle it. Though I am very much the same crass person they've known before.

Maybe they're being considerate of me, but I definitely see it as a loss of male privilege. No more joking around anymore like a bro ;/

On the plus side, my girl friends invite me shopping and there's girl talk too :3

Audree

[Cindy]

I'm like taylor_h, at night taxi too and from where I go, and I always sit in the back.

I haven't been stalked at night, but last Saturday I had a guy stalk me on a busy shopping street. Kept asking my name and saying I was cute (which is of course true ). I stated to feel a bit yukky so I walked up to a security guard outside a shop and asked if I could stand with him for a few minutes as some guy was hassling me.
He was great and asked if I wanted him to call the police (no), he walked me to a shopping arcade close by and made sure I was OK. There are nice guys!

[Ms Grace]

...first time I had ever been attacked in my life but I have to admit in this case it probably was not gender related, just a robbery...

Very sorry to hear that. And maybe it wasn't specifically gender related, but many crims only pick on people they think they can get away with attacking - women are more likely targets because of that too.

[suzifrommd]

I confess that I don't understand the male privilege of safety. Even as a male, I didn't scare anyone, and I felt just as vulnerable as I do now.

As far as catcalls, I can accept that that's the way the world works. Men experience a certain sort of attraction, and among those men, some were never taught civility, so every thought is given voice. It doesn't make me feel less safe, because I pretty much never feel terribly safe in public.

[MyNameIsElla]

Wow I wasn't expecting such a large response lol. Me personally I'm a large women so I don't know if that's kept some of those stalky guys away or not but I thankfully haven't had to deal with that yet. Like I said mostly it's been cat calling and oh so "helpful" comments. I honestly think it's the microaggresions that bother me most but that's probably only cause I haven't had anything worse. Like I said the worst I've dealt with was the extremely embarrassing comment. Let's hope it stays that way and I'll definitely take you gal's advice and not try and walk home at night not that I ever did that to begin with but still.