Scariest Part?

[Sandy74]

I am nowhere near being in the place where I can live Full Time as the Gender that I am supposed to be and I get so envious of the ones that do get to live their lives that way and so I am just curious what the scariest part of living Full Time is and transitioning and all that. I just adore that in people that are doing what is true to themselves and I get so jealous.

I know that the scariest part for me most likely would be the responses that I would get people that could tell that I am really the old person that I hated before and just giving me crap.

So I am just curious what the scariest part is about living the real you and the real life that you are living right now?

[FTMax]

Well. Coming out to certain people in my life was scary at the time. Surgery was also scary, because I'd never had surgery before and wasn't sure what to expect. Both of those turned out to not be a big deal for me thankfully.

As far as just living life, the scariest thing for me personally is the ongoing expense and the uncertainty that comes with it. I know that sounds like a really lame answer. Hormones have given me a lot of mental clarity and comfort that I was clearly lacking before. About 3 months into my transition, I went to the doctor to have my levels checked and to pick up a new prescription. The prices on the gel I was prescribed had increased exponentially in that 3 month period. I couldn't afford it anymore. It was really a perfect storm of terrible circumstances - I couldn't afford it, I only had a few more doses at home, and my doctor was going on vacation so I couldn't get a new prescription. Luckily my doctor really cares about her patients and was willing to stay an extra hour so that I could come back in and pick up a new prescription for something more affordable.

That's honestly the only thing that scares me about my life right now and the future. I don't want to go back to the way I felt before, but I also have no control over the price fluctuations or availability of my hormones. It's probably the only thing I worry about on a consistent basis.

[iKate]

Being attacked on the streets by people who see me as Trans or people who see me as a woman. I've already been physically assaulted by someone because he saw me as a woman who was easy prey.  So yeah that is scary. What is also scary is discrimination. In many parts of the US it is still legal to discriminate against Trans people:

[awilliams1701]

I have to agree with getting attacked. I feel pretty safe here in Huntsville, but when I visit my endo in Atlanta I am afraid of the trip. I'm afraid of what will happen when I stop for lunch.

I also say family rejection sucks. I've had a hard time with my sisters. I honestly could care less about random haters. I've had a car with a whole family pull up next to me while I was walking my dog. The started making hateful comments to me. I don't give a crap. I don't know them. I don't invest anytime in them so their hatred means nothing to me. Its family that bothers me.

[Ms Grace]

Pre transition the scariest thing was coming out to my family. I left that until a week before transition. It hasn't been great with my sister or father, but at least I've told them and it's up to them how they deal with it. Once I said what I needed to say the fear was gone.

Post transition, I guess I don't have any primary fear. My most unreasonable fear is that if there was some kind of disaster and I found myself in refugee camp or similar that I would still be lumped in with the men. Far fetched I know, but real enough. In a day to day sense, I feel comfortable presenting as myself and almost everything I used to worry about before transition has been shown to be of little consequence or concern. Life goes on!

[Valwen]

The thing that's scariest to me right now is the very real possiblity that I will now have to face the fact that I won't be dead soon, so I need to actually move forward with having a life, finding a career or a job that I don't hate. I spent so long sure that the answer was suiside that when I take that off the table I am lost, unsure what to do next, where to go.

I am also afraid I might stop being depressed if things keep going well, and so much of my personality and the way I interacte with myself and others is based on my depression and self hatred that I question if I even have a personality without them.

these are actual real fears I have and I am trying to get over them, to embrace being a happier person, to let go of my self hatred and to start thinking about the future, its very slow going and constant setbacks but I am trying. That said Its time I go look in a mirror and try and tell myself I love myself and any other positive things I can think of.

Serena

[Rainbow Bay]

Before I came out I think I was most afraid of the whole medical system. I was afraid of how I would be treated, I thought everyone would not take me seriously and mock me and it would be embarrassing and painful. That is one of the main reasons I waited quite a while before transitioning, just fear of that whole process. But now that we have the internet and everything it wasn't hard to find a trans-friendly doctor with some recommendations and the whole process was quite painless. And now that I'm living as my true self I'm not scared of all the things I thought would be scary, like getting read as trans. I can't tell if people think I am trans or not and if they do no-one has ever said anything so they either can't tell, or don't care, or a polite enough not to say anything  .

I get a little scared if I leave work late on a Friday and large groups of boys that have been drinking are starting to roam around. No longer being able to pretend I'm a boy means certain places at certain times no longer feel like safe places. 

I hope everything goes well for you Sandy.

Bay xxx

[SofiN]

I think for me the scariest thing is actually right now. I'm just starting to socially transition so I'm miles away from passing yet I need to do RLE so by the time I visit the GIC I can keep things moving.

I don't know how to go about doing this without risking serious hurt. Yet at the same time I want to. I feel comfortable being out even if others don't see me as such. It is a very scary stage and I'm scared about the long road before I can get treatment and support from the clinic.

I don't know how others endured this early stage and sometimes I just want a hug.

[suzifrommd]

So I am just curious what the scariest part is about living the real you and the real life that you are living right now?

A year of facial laser, two years of facial electrolysis and more to do.

And the bills for the above.

[Jessie Ann]

I'm with Suzi on this. By the time I will be done with my electrolysis it will have cost more than my FFS/BA surgery. It is a scary expensive part of transition.

A year of facial laser, two years of facial electrolysis and more to do.

And the bills for the above.