I'm not really sure where it all came from or what has prompted it, but these last few days I have found a very strong sense of self resolve. I've been struggling with GID for as long as I can remember, as well as being pretty certain I was trans since age 13 when I first learned the meaning of the word transsexual. Yet despite knowing in my heart that my family would completely accept and support me, I hid my true feelings and emotions. "Why?" I ask myself. Who was I hiding from? The answer... myself. I spent my teens and twenties binging and purging in anything feminine. Which was always followed by a period of extreme over compensation. Sometimes a few days, other times years. When I was in high school I saw an episode of Maury Povich (when it was still a serious talk show) and he was interviewing 5 transwomen about their varying experiences and such. One woman was previously married and had a 4 year old daughter. I remember thinking to myself "I will NEVER let it go that far." I just couldn't imagine hurting someone so badly. It's amazing how far you can let something go when you're in denial. I now have an ex wife and a 9 year old daughter. My ex wife knows and after a long period of being accepting but angry, has become my best friend. My daughter has not been told, but she is very perceptive and she knows something is not as it seems. A story for another time. Still the question remains, if I'm so certain that my parents would be supportive, why have I not told them how I truly feel? For the first time in my life, I don't have an excuse. So I have decided to come out to both of my parents before the new year. The only reason for the time allotment is to give myself a chance to collect my thoughts and decide what I want to say. I thought about maybe writing a letter and giving it to them in person. Then just be ready to field any questions. If nothing else, I have to show them that I am totally serious beyond a shadow of a doubt. Because it could be a little while before I can afford to move forward in my transition. I welcome any suggestions or shared experiences. Sorry this post turned out being so long. Thank you for listening.
Hugs
Kayla Marie
