Setback in transition/relationship loss

[Greentriangle]

Hi everyone,
I would like to ask a question to anyone who has lost a long term relationship due to transition. I am at the end of a 15 year relationship, with two small kids. I was doing well in transition and have lived full time mtf for a year now. I guess I failed to process that the relationship was over. Now suddenly I am grief stricken. It has really shaken my foundations and caused me to question everything. I feel like I'm almost back at the beginning, blaming myself for not being stronger and resisting the need to transition, guilt for opening Pandora's box, feeling like I'm abnormal and alone, etc. I am fatigued and feel I have lost my support. Moving forward seems a lot more difficult now. Why am I reacting like this and how can I get through this?

[iKate]

I get that sometimes. I have no idea how to cope. My therapist has told me I should reflect on the positive and how far I've come. I wish I could have fought off my gender issues but it was a losing battle.

[Rachel]

You deserve to be happy as well as your SO.

Change happens every day. Most of the time we do not see it then all the sudden it is apparent.

[Aazhie]

My friend lost her mom in high school and she didn't fully process the loss until a year into college.  Grief is a weird thing. That being said, usually letting myself wallow in the sadness and loss is a better way to handle it than suppressing it.  Sometimes you are so busy in one aspect of your life that you can't quite get the time to properly mourn.

Nothing is wrong with you, humans all grieve loss in different ways. You are not wrong for transitioning and perhaps your ex also had to leave for her own reasons. Things happen and you are not to blame.  I couldn't imagine how I could go on after ending a 7 year relationship and now I am MUCH happier but it took a couple years to really deal with it properly and handle all the fallout.  Please try not to blame yourself or your transition, many times, another person will use that as an excuse if they were already looking for an out.  Try to accept the loss and let yourself feel that loss.  It's a difficult change, but that doesn't mean that there aren't good things for you in the future.  This too will pass and you will be okay.

[Greentriangle]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I know that feeling the pain and loss of this is necessary to move forward, but it really hurts. Like a knife in my heart. I'm afraid to feel it. I guess that losing the security of that relationship is necessary for me to move forward in my transition and life. I am just a bit afraid because this is the part of transition that I don't know how to do. I spent a long time hiding in denial and put off transitioning until I was suffering terribly. But knowing that others moved forward and through these loses gives me hope that I can as well. Thank you.