I suppose its time I finally introduced myself. I joined about a month ago and ever since have been working my way through Susan's like a kid in a candy store.
For as long as I can remember I have been on two journey's; one to become the man that I was expected to become and the other to become Miril. The first was relatively easy to understand as the rules and expectations are there for all to see. Becoming Miril was a lot harder. I had no idea why I always felt so different or why I was really more interested in all things feminine. I didnt have the words to even describe myself but learned it was best not to even ask or reveal my interests. I know now that I was dealing with gender dysphoria but way back then, I dont think the term even existed. I dont feel sorry myself - I have had a successful male life and I am fortunate that I was able to manage my dysphoria reasonably well. But the desire to become "Miril" never lessened and over time I learned some new words - crossdresser, freak, transvestite, deviant, transgender. No doubt that my ability to form close friendships and relationships has been compromised by the need to hide who I really was. While outwardly happy and successful, there were times when I was so ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, UNHAPPY that I couldnt be who I wanted to be and at the same time ashamed that I was not courageous enough to simply come out from the shadows and deal with the consequences. Fortunately, I met my current wife - someone who is accepting and sympathetic and over the past 14 years, I have had more freedom to explore who I really am and I finally found a word that really describes me - I am transgender. My daughters know that this is who I am - which is supremely liberating.
So now I am exploring how far along this journey I can / am willing to go. My wife and I have many things we still need to sort out but I know that being here is already helping!
