Big step..

[kelseygal]

I started a diary for the first time in my life yesterday, after realizing I need an outlet... I sort of word vomitted as I suppose anyone might do, and it was so affirming to see everything on one page (well maybe more than one... It was typed after all). Seriously I felt a sense of peace finally getting that out there. Now... I still have trepidation about this journey, but at least I know it is 'legit' for lack of a better word.

Anyways, I am filling out info for meeting with dr peveller online, I am hoping he can help me through this process of discovery and in the area of coming clean with those who are special in my life. Wish me luck!! Oh and I finally have a weekend to myself, wife it of town. I've only ever had an afternoon, so I'm pretty jazzed! Will be first time with makeup, kind of nervous. Oh, and I'm going to buy the makeup myself in male mode today, eek!

[gamerchic_kaylee]

That's amazing Kelseygal!  Putting your thoughts to words on paper or on the computer really helps calm, and clear the mind.  It never helps keeping everything bottled up to explode later.  I do it from time to time, but now that I'm seeing a therapist I'm doing much less for obvious reasons.

Enjoy your girls weekend   You have more courage then me at the moment, I still can't go out in "guy mode" to buy anything girly.  Maybe one of these days I'll just cowgirl up and do it

Keep up the diary, it really does help.

[kelseygal]

That's amazing Kelseygal!  Putting your thoughts to words on paper or on the computer really helps calm, and clear the mind.  It never helps keeping everything bottled up to explode later.  I do it from time to time, but now that I'm seeing a therapist I'm doing much less for obvious reasons.

Enjoy your girls weekend   You have more courage then me at the moment, I still can't go out in "guy mode" to buy anything girly.  Maybe one of these days I'll just cowgirl up and do it

Keep up the diary, it really does help.

Thank you, definitely is a new exercise for me to really confront 'me'.
Btw the makeup buying session went well, they guy that checked me out even used his cvs number to give me a discount!! I did feel awkward in the makeup aisle tbh, but that was more because I am self conscious about my outward appearance... Guess it goes with the territory!!

[Galyo]

It really helps to vent, even if you're the only person to read it.

I wrote a very long letter to my family, coming out as transgender. I didn't send it (yet), but I did notice it really helped to clear my mind and get these frustrating feelings out of my system.

Good luck seeing your therapist. I'm sure it will be a big help!

[kelseygal]

It really helps to vent, even if you're the only person to read it.

I wrote a very long letter to my family, coming out as transgender. I didn't send it (yet), but I did notice it really helped to clear my mind and get these frustrating feelings out of my system.

Good luck seeing your therapist. I'm sure it will be a big help!

Oh man, it was so freeing. And now I have a record of how Im feeling and go back to that place of understanding. I don't want to shirk this off as I have in the past and regret it 5-10 years from now.

Best of luck with coming out, just be you! It's hard with family, I know, but in general friends that don't accept you for who you are in its entirety, aren't worth the time.

[Mariah]

Kelsey, it's a wonderful step. I used one early in transition. It really can be liberating. Hugs and congrats.
Mariah

[Sheila Grace]

I started a diary for the first time in my life yesterday, after realizing I need an outlet... I sort of word vomitted as I suppose anyone might do, and it was so affirming to see everything on one page (well maybe more than one... It was typed after all). Seriously I felt a sense of peace finally getting that out there. Now... I still have trepidation about this journey, but at least I know it is 'legit' for lack of a better word.

Anyways, I am filling out info for meeting with dr peveller online, I am hoping he can help me through this process of discovery and in the area of coming clean with those who are special in my life. Wish me luck!! Oh and I finally have a weekend to myself, wife it of town. I've only ever had an afternoon, so I'm pretty jazzed! Will be first time with makeup, kind of nervous. Oh, and I'm going to buy the makeup myself in male mode today, eek!

Kelsey- I will echo the congratulations. My journals have been most helpful in my journey. My therapist does a lot of dream work, so I record those there as well. I laugh at your comment on makeup, as I was in Walgreens last week as a male feeling like a fish out of water in the make-up isle. Later, I was in the mall and just decided to walk into Sephora and tell the helper I was a trangender woman and needed some help on selection of blush. She was immediately receptive and so very helpful. She even asked if I would like to come back for a make-up session!!!! Soooooo, have a great time "home alone". Blessings, Sheila

[kelseygal]

Fish out of water is a PERFECT way to describe the feeling. Once I see the therapist and we officially label this thing what I believe it to be... then I will feel more comfortable (don't know why, but that's how I feel). Btw, I meet with her on Tuesday evening. We'lll see how the thing goes. I very much feel vulnerable already for the first time since I can remember...

[gamerchic_kaylee]

Good luck with your first therapist appointment, it will help.  I had my first appointment last week, and had all kinds of emotions, very happy emotions and feelings.  Greatly looking forward to meeting her regularly.

Keep the courage up Kelsey!

[LizK]

... Once I see the therapist and we officially label this thing what I believe it to be... then I will feel more comfortable (don't know why, but that's how I feel)....

I spent quite some time denying I wanted the same thing and eventually was able to say to myself...it is not your wife that wants the written diagnosis in order to accept who you are its you!! I told my therapist about this and her response was this

"There is no definitive answer to being transgender"

what she meant is there is not one definitive test or way to determine if someone is trans or has GD and followed this up with

"You are who you are" and she went on to say, I could see 50 Dr's and they all tell me I have GD but it changes nothing for me now "I am who I am"

With these and another couple of things she said I have printed them as "quotes" and have put them at eye level around my personal space as affirmations to help when the Dysphoria is bad or I am just having a bad day and they do help.

This whole session and the things I discussed with my therapist was the direct catalyst for me reaching a point of Self acceptance so I highly recommend a Therapy as a starting point, especially if you have issues you need help with, such as self acceptance, a good therapist will be able to help you through some of the tough stuff.

Good Luck

Sarah T