I want to transition to a female body, but retain penile function & libido

[Melody.T]

I hope I don't get flamed too much. I'm 32 years old, been on HRT 4 1/2 months, and while I'm loving that my body is physically changing and emotionally I feel more like a woman, I'm deeply saddened by my nearly complete loss of libido and honestly upset by my loss of penile function.

Is there any way possible to get the feminizing body fat redistribution, whilst retaining my prior sex life? For hormones I'm taking both Transdermal Estrodial & Oral Progesterone. For AAs I'm taking Spiro and Finasteride. I'm considering dropping AAs completely, will that solve my problems? I don't suffer from male pattern baldness, and for what super tiny ammount of male hair that I have i'd more than happily just get hair removal (just as I've been doing on my face).

Can I have the body of a woman and retain a somewhat male sex drive or in the least a libido similar to it so I can get turned on again? My partner was totally accepting if my wish to transition which made me feel so lucky, but when it comes to the bedroom now he's the only one with a sex drive and it's hurting our relationship. Not just for him, but me too.   

[stephaniec]

I don't have much of a sex drive , but I've noticed if I'm off spiro for a week or even less I go back to the unwanted penis erections and all that entails. I feel like a dog in heat.

[Cindy]

Normally if our libido has fallen too low the endo gives us a shot of testosterone to bring the levels back up a bit. Females require testosterone for their libido.

I have to admit I do not know if that will restore the ability to have and maintain an erection, but it is certainly worthwhile discussing it with your endo.

There is certainly no reason for anyone to 'flame' you for such a question! We all are unique and deserve our happiness.

If anyone does flame you report it immediately please and it will be dealt with.

[AnonyMs]

As Cindy said, T is for libido, but rather than T supplements perhaps you could cut back on the AA's or just stop them.

I'd guess you could use Viagra for erections, as I believe that's very common in the porn industry. Not sure if its a good idea though.

[Melody.T]

Thank you all for the wonderfully understanding attitudes and advice. I decided that I'm going to quit AAs until my next appointment in the coming in the next week or so.

I'm just panicked a little, because being a woman on the outside in my day to day life to reflect how I feel on the inside is SO important to me mentally. I do not wish to detransition, and I'm not happy feeling like I'm in the right body but lost all the possibility of personally feeling sexual in a romantic situation.

[Hyperduck_23]

Something I've noticed is that the way I feel about sex has changed dramatically, which means my ability to instigate sex with my partner has really dropped off. Getting me turned on is a much more female affair as well, and I'd be forgiven for thinking that I'd lost penile function as the old things that got me going don't really work, it needs a much longer approach, doing the right things in the right places and finding new erogenous zones....then things will get going.

In my experience, it's the massive change in the way I need to approach sex that is difficult. Changing the hormonal balance in my body has, unsurprisingly, altered my libido from a very sexually driven guy to a girl who's rather confused by the new feelings....I can only relate it to the first go through puberty, except this time I need to unravel my old approach whilst also getting my head around the new one.

I feel you, I've always been VERY sexual, so I can't imagine this has changed, I've just got to find the way to access that part of my brain again as the old pathways aren't playing ball anymore, but I can feel there are new ones there that I've started down.

It's good that your partner is being decent about things, my girlfriend is super excellent about all of this and is giving me space to figure stuff out. It's a difficult one, though, especially when faced with all of the other change and pressure relating to that; you think you'd be able to at least lose yourself in some naughty time with your significant other!

[sparrow]

Hi Melody,

I was wondering the same thing before I started HRT.  Since I did, my libido has dropped to a more typical female level... actually, I like this better... I dunno about you, but I was a borderline sex addict, and I hate to imagine how I'd be spending my days if I had breasts and a rampant libido.    From what I've heard from people on Susan's, there's suspicion that penile function is a "use it or lose it" deal.  Practice!

As others have noted, T and viagra will get the job done.  But that said... from all accounts, a typical female libido is a delicate and finicky thing.  You should give it an honest try before you get too bummed about losing the urge to hump the peculiarly-shaped dent in that car across the street.  Get dressed nice & pretty, set the scene with candles and music; start with cuddling, whispering, snuggling... have your partner tell you that you're beautiful, (arrange this beforehand to avoid that awkward call & response feeling) etc.   Lotsa foreplay, take it slow, and (again, arrange this beforehand) ask your partner to take more of a leading role.

One thing that hormones do is skew the perceived benefit of certain activities.  As much as I enjoy having sex, I don't rationally want to be as sexually motivated as I used to be.  The freedom to choose "yes I want to want having sex now" is incredibly liberating (and a huge time saver!)  You may find that with a lower libido comes a lower perceived benefit from sex -- that is, you won't mind as much as you do now.

[Melody.T]

I agree about lower libido = not caring about less sex. When it was getting low, I had a similar reaction and conversation with my BF. I think mine has just dropped practically dropped off a cliff now, an I also just noticed that my testes have shrank significantly as well. I'm only 4 1/2 months into HRT, and I was on a reasonably low dose of spiro to begin with because after my 3rd day of HRT I was sent yo the ER a bit confused and sick and I ended up improving significantly after 2 bags of simple IV saline to rehydrate me. I have prior health conditions (autoimmune & a form of dysautonomia) and one of them causes sever problems retaining fluids and salt and thus I get a low BP unless I get IVs 3 times a week already.

3 weeks ago I actually requested an increase in my T blockers because I noticed a single out of place male body hair that had gone away prior. I wasn't even thinking about my libido, but I had spoken to my DR about that and requested Progesterone awhile back because of it's possible breast enhancement effects as well as the possibility that it may increase libido. Well just yesterday I noticed how severe my testicular atrophy is, which threw me into a big storm of fears that my libido is being suppressed too much too fast, and I didn't want to further make things worse IMO if at all possible. I didn't take my upped dose of AAs last night as unfortunately my BP has been too low at night from my dose increase, but I'm wondering if I should continue my AAs in the morning or lower them or discontinue them. A fear is that if I suddenly stop my AAs that my feminizing effects from E may backpeddal, but also the worry that I continue on the same path with my current regimine that things are not going to change for the best for what my personal goals / framework of my transition are. If I don't block T my E won't work effectively, correct?

Am I posing myself any health risks by abstaining from AAs completely, even for just a week or so?

[Girl Beyond Doubt]

Being able to climax was and still is very important to me. One reason why I have gone with Suporn is his experience with retaining all of the glans and the associated sensory tissue and nerves. My surgery was almost a year ago. I have had four orgasms since then. I am happy. Happy because I am able to climax, and happy because I own it now, no longer the other way around. I am now using the excess time to study math and physics and to improve my female awesomeness.

[Melody.T]

I found this info on the net and these AAs sound like what I'm looking for:

Other anti-androgens include bicalutamide, flutamide, and nilutamide. Unlike the two medications above, these do not lower testosterone levels but rather prevents testosterone and dihydrotestosterone from binding to androgen receptors. Because these have a weak action at the brain they do not lower libido or decrease erections.

As my testes have atrophied significantly, do you think the effects Spiro has had on my body for 4 1/2 months will be permanent?

[SashaGrace]

Hey hunni, I'd say if you want a functioning penis, the way forward is to cut out AA's for a little and see how you go. I've never been on them and I only take E so I still have a functioning penis. It's shrunk a little bit but most of the change has been my testes shrinking to about half the size they used to be. My fiancee and I managed to conceive a child naturally and I've been on HRT for years.

Hope your sex life gets back to normal soon!! It's important to happy with your body, regardless of what you have xx

[Kathleenmarie]

Girls get turned on in different ways then guys do, try finding other ways to get aroused, I've lost no function in 2.5 years, but mmv

[in.Chains]

If you're struggling to maintain a sex drive on HRT, you should consider progesterone, it actually brought a lot of my libido back when I was briefly taking it.

[kaitlin4599]

ive been on estradiol in pill form since jan of 2013 my endo never put me on any anti androgens because he told me there only meant for people who have problems with excess hair yes i still have to shave my face neck and legs but it is what it is surprisingly tho my sex drive increased after starting HRT it never decreased idk why tho but maybe stopping the AA's will help

[Wednesday]

I think you should ask your endo for optimal data. Anyway, as far as I know (based on my experience and friends experiences) loss of penile function, low sex drive and testicle shrinkage are all reversible effects.

Also in my experience is difficult to keep a reasonable high libido while on HRT (I must say I didn't give a try to T shots).

Also E is likely to be less efficient without AA meds.

In my opinion HRT most annoying effect is the loss of libido. Even while having my sex drive at its top is not even remotely close to my pre HRT libido. And I know this is specially frustrating when you have a young or middle aged male partner.

It must be said that there are effective ways to increase your desire, but as I said, is likely to be lower compared to pre HRT sex drive.

[kaitlin4599]

my sex drive didnt decrease when i stated estrogen my penis did shrink a lil but thats it

[Janes Groove]

II'm deeply saddened by my nearly complete loss of libido and honestly upset by my loss of penile function.

perhaps what you are feeling is completely natural.  and a step forward in your transition once you can grieve for what is lost. i don't know. just rambling really. all i can do is share my experience.

i'm 58 and aging has had a huge feminizing effect on me in terms of lower sex drive, lower libido, less sensitivity and not as angry erections, thankfully. about a year ago, after much lurking here and other sites, i discovered that many transgender women, both pre and post op, are still able to have orgasms without ever even having an erection.  for me that knowledge was like a light bulb going off in my head. after much experimenting i found that it is indeed possible.   needless to say that was the end of my erections (yet hardly the end of my orgasms).   i haven't had one in a year (an erection that is).  i don't miss them at all.   i laugh at the viagra commercials selling erectile dysfunction.  for me - now - erections are dysfunction and dysphoria. and i haven't even started HRT yet!

[Nikola]

I feel the same way. xx

[Lady_Oracle]

Honestly before even trying the T or even quitting AAs you should explore your body more, relearn things. However getting on P isn't a bad idea to help your sex drive, I know it helps me. Its also important to note that stress is a big factor as to why a lot of women in general aren't able to orgasm or even have much of a libido. Also if you want a more consistent and higher sex drive, try higher estrogen levels. I've been on hrt for 4 years now and can still achieve erections with no issues. My T is less than 20pg/ml and I'm on a high dose of spiro. I dont have much of a sex drive because I choose to have it that way (i avoid frigging arousal cause of dysphoria). I can easily switch it on if I need to though lol 

[Ms DeeDee]

. . .  I am happy. Happy because I am able to climax, and happy because I own it now, no longer the other way around. I am now using the excess time to study math and physics and to improve my female awesomeness.

You go girl!

Hugs,
DeeDee