I'm to the point in my life where I need to move out of my parents place so I can transition. I've secretly been back on hormones for about 3 months now and although I'm still in boy-mode, eventually, my family will begin to become suspicious. When they find out, I will no longer be allowed to live there. They'll be pretty hostile, I'd like to get as far away from them as possible, most likely out of state. This could happen anytime within the next year I would imagine. Because of that, I want to be prepared and have a solid plan ready to put into action.
I'll be honest, I'm not very good at this whole "adult" thing
I have no idea where to go or what to do on my own. I was hoping some of you with experience leaving your parents place for the big scary world as a trans person might have some helpful advice, and hopefully be able to help me brainstorm some ideas to make a plan.
It's really hard to work on moving out when you can't get your parents on-board with the idea because they have no idea why you're wanting to move out in the first place. There is no one really that can help me, so I'm hoping you folks can.
Right now, I'm tossing around two main ideas in my head, but they both scare the heck out of me simply because it's all new to me and my family won't be there to back me up.
Before I list my options, I should probably say a little bit more about my financial/work status:
- I have a vehicle, a small SUV type vehicle, big enough I can sleep in it, although really that would be a last resort.
- I have a good computer, slightly above average technical skills, though I've never used them in a work scenario.
- I have had a few jobs before (one at a restaurant, one at a manufacturing plant), nothing currently.
- Quite a bit in savings from a legal settlement (middle five figures).
- No college education (3.5 GPA in HS)
- No medical insurance
- No connections anywhere other than my family here (who won't be available connections after I come out).
The first option is moving out; either finding a place by myself or finding roommates. I don't really know where though. I'd like to live somewhere in California, Oregon, or Washington simply because they're trans-friendly. But I don't have any connections anywhere and I have no idea how to find a place. I'd want to find a cheap yet safe place where I can transition in peace. It could be a studio/motel room for all I care, just somewhere I know I can go to and be alone at the end of every day. The problem is finding a cheap place. I really don't know how to even begin looking.
So, as far as the first option is concerned, what suggestions would you folks have? What are your recommendations for trans-friendly, inexpensive areas? What advice would you have for me if I chose this option? I know this option could work for a while as a have a significant amount in my savings, but if I can't manage to balance my budget and find a job, this option would be impractical. What do you think?
Option two is going to a 4 year university and living in the dorms. Much more expensive, but it does have it's advantages. If I could find the right university, I would be able to do pretty much my entire transition in my college years. After graduation, my degree would help me to find a good paying job.
Although I would love to go to college, there are a few things stopping me. One, most of the colleges that I could probably get into are public universities, and the current state I'm in doesn't have a very accepting public university for trans people. That said, anywhere I go I must pay out-of state tuition.
My second problem with college would be finances. I would be taking on a lot of debt, and for some stupid reason everything surrounding financial aid is tied to your parents (even though I'm 20), that means that I would need my parents to willingly cooperate and give me their financial info, etc, so I could apply for financial aid. If not, I could end up paying 40k a year in be 160k in debt by the end of it. That is not a good option. Most likely, they will not help me and have nothing to do with me once I come out. This creates major problems. Also, although my legal settlement has been a blessing, it could turn out to be a curse, because in the eyes of the financial aid offices, I have enough money to pay for college. That means I would get next to nothing in regards to financial aid. I would LOVE to go to college, but I just can't see it happening financially.
What do you think about option two? Any advice? Tips? Suggestions? I really would like to choose this option, but I can't see it working.
Thanks for reading all that, I'm really stressed out and could really use some advice from more experienced people. No one in my direct family is going to help me out so I am reaching out to you guys, please let me know what you think. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
- Amelia
