I went through the same thing sorta. I told my wife when she was 4 months pregnant. It was an accident really, so maybe you can play it the same way I did. Here some back story:
My whole marriage I have been effeminate. My underwear choices (men's thongs almost exclusively), my mannerisms, I'm moderately bi-sexual, and I'm "small-framed". 5'6" and 140 pounds. A lot of times when people met me that didn't know me, they would think I was gay actually, just because of how I acted apparently. My wife had thoughts in the back of her mind for years that I might be gay too. I always denied it vehemently and actually said that I thought of myself more as a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Apparently that's a common theme among many transgirls. Bear in mind I had no idea about transsexuals for all this time. When I was much younger I can remember seeing porn with beautiful women who had penises. I just presumed they were born that way though and never considered that it could have been something medically attainable. Also, my wife has been bicurious for as long as I've known her it seems, but she's never really acted on it except once, briefly...
So anyways, that's the backstory about me and my wife and where our minds were at 6 months ago. If your story is similar, keep reading, because there's probably some good hope for you too!
Here's how the big reveal happened. I was watching some documentaries on YouTube about transgender children one day, and everything just clicked in my head about "how I used to be growing up." So I went home and told my wife about watching them and discovering what I thought was the reason for "who I used to be." Over the next few days though I slowly realized it wasn't just who I used to be, it was who I AM! She did some reading too and came to the same conclusion. There were lots and lots of tears and many difficult conversations to follow in the next couple weeks as we tried to figure out what we wanted from our marriage, from life, from each other, from ourselves. We decided that we both wanted to stay together. We were still in love with each other, we were still great friends, and we wanted to raise our baby in a loving family environment. Not in a broken household.
My wife wound up going on a low-dose of Zoloft from her obstetrician who said that it was better for the baby than the stress and anxiety this was causing her. She also told a couple of her friends (who I suggested), so she could have a third party to vent to. She also found a therapist that she saw every 2-3 weeks or so, and still sees about once a month I think. Part of the key to our marriage having significant hope of working out though was her bicuriousness. Some women know flat out that they can't be with a woman. My wife on the other hand was more like, "I can do that, or I can see it working. I wouldn't mind being married to a woman."
Our daughter was born on September 10th, so ya know.
So there you have it. Every step along the way felt like I was fighting tooth and nail. Clothes, makeup, shoes, jewelry, hair, glasses, hormones, etc... But we worked through each one of them. And there are still hurdles ocassionally, like when I talk about GRS. It's one thing to think about sex with another vagina, it's another thing to actually be with one, and it's yet another thing to be with a vagina that used to be your husband's penis! We actually talked about bringing other people into the relationship to fill the void that would be present, heh.
From the beginning, she wanted me to wait until at least January before she would be seen in public with me. I was fortunately able to trim about 3 months off that for basic stuff like going out for lunch on weekends, support groups, basic errands, etc... None of her family or coworkers will be meeting Kristina until January though, but I'm OK with that since I rarely see them anyways. I present as female when and where I want right now. I'm slowly transitioning my wardrobe. T-shirts and lounge pants seem to be on the bottom of that list though since that's mainly just around the house stuff and I don't feel a need to accentuate my feminine presentation when it's just me and her and the baby at home.
And there's pretty much everything I can think of right now. Hope it helps!
