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I've had GRS... NOW do you believe me?

Started by Julie Marie, September 23, 2007, 05:33:35 PM

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debisl

Julie I know that!

I was just feeling guilty about a conversation I had last night with someone here. I think I was too brutaly honest about life in general as ascoiated with being transsexual. It is a very tough world to overcome. I just wanted to give a perspective on my experiances and I wound up with my foot in my mouth. I have to realize that I have been at this quest for quite a while longer than most. My road was the road I choose to follow. I can not force anyone else down the same road. Theirs may have a few stops, a few curves, and most likely a few more bumps than mine. I need to realize this!

My road was slick and straight. Once I turned down it, I ran as fast as I could without turning back. I slid many times, but always in a forward motion.

I just wanted to help steer a friend that really dosen't need steering at this moment.

Deb
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Suzy

Dear Deb,

Realize that the operative word you said here is "friend."  Perhaps your friend really did need steering, and it took a while for it to sink in.  If you do put your foot in your mouth, it just might mean you are human.  I, for one, happen to like humans. 

Kristi
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Rara

I read through this thread with a hand on my heart. So many emotions, such feelings of one kind or another leapt from the page. Some very poignant expressions have been voiced; so many hands on hearts. Although I am post-op and out in the world, living my life to the full, being the confident, proverbial woman about town, I still remember the difficult times. So, I will open my heart to you here and voice a little more about me...

At aged eleven I had an emotional breakdown because I could not understand why I had not been born the same as other girls; I knew I had the right gender but the wrong sex. I was referred for gender linked counselling eventually moving on to becoming very focussed on my SRS and direction in life.  During those early years though, from seven to sixteen, I had to endure with being threatened daily at school. I was verbally bullied, punched, spat on, ostracised and publicly humiliated to name a few instances, even to the point of being shot, point blank, with an air pistol on one occasion; all this for simply addressing my femininity.

The ignorance, the lack of understanding, the cruelty and the homophobic overtone is in certain aspects of society still as prevalent as it was then. I had friends, who professed support dump me as soon as I had had my SRS. There are family members that do not speak to me now, and they already had an insight as to where my life was heading. Yet in opposition to this there are others who have been very supportive and treat me as simply a female friend and within the family a sister.

Our focussed determination through transition and then our surgery I think frightens some people. Perhaps it is fear fuelled by their ignorance and their inability to accept that we are being true to ourselves and actually have followed it through. Then of course there are other people who have insight and for them we are an inspiration...

The people we know, be they friends or family, have to realise, to learn, that SRS is not the end of the person that they knew but is a beginning for the woman that they should get to know.

Rara. x
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cindybc

Hi Rara

I do identify with much of what you said about childhood. I hated the school, that was the hardest part of my childhood but any other part of my childhood was wonderful. I had really wonderful parents and as for friends I hung around the res if I wasn't home. I was accepted there. As for my first memories of my being different, wanting to be a girl would have been around 6 years old, although I didn't know what it was except that I should never tell another soul. Well that's enough of that I am beginning to sound like a broken CD player if I continue with this. My married years were hell as well. Life didn't begin again for me until I decided I was better off living alone then I got me sobered up and started to make myself useful again to society.

But I will say that I belong to many different Yahoo Groups and have met many different people and have discovered that there are new kids on the block experiencing that same a we did. This is one of the reasons that many of the parents now a days are doing more and more home schooling.

Cindy
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Julie Marie

Quote from: Rara on October 08, 2007, 03:11:36 AMThe ignorance, the lack of understanding, the cruelty and the homophobic overtone is in certain aspects of society still as prevalent as it was then. I had friends, who professed support dump me as soon as I had had my SRS. There are family members that do not speak to me now, and they already had an insight as to where my life was heading. Yet in opposition to this there are others who have been very supportive and treat me as simply a female friend and within the family a sister.

Our focused determination through transition and then our surgery I think frightens some people. Perhaps it is fear fuelled by their ignorance and their inability to accept that we are being true to ourselves and actually have followed it through. Then of course there are other people who have insight and for them we are an inspiration...

The people we know, be they friends or family, have to realise, to learn, that SRS is not the end of the person that they knew but is a beginning for the woman that they should get to know.

Rara. x


Very well stated Rara.  I don't think a lot of us realize what you said is our reality.  I've seen focus on peripheral issues that are just the result of the basis of the treatment we typically receive once we've "crossed the line" (depending on the person's view) but so many miss the core of the problem, society is just plain ignorant about transsexualism. 

People who you believed loved you dearly suddenly ignore everything they know about you and judge you only for being transsexual.  People who respected you now hate you.  People you helped and who said they will support you through anything now ignore you.  The phone stops ringing, friends stop visiting, family members don't want you around.  And society supports this wholeheartedly.  This has to be pointed out and people have to understand this is a cruel and heartless way to treat someone you love.  And they have to understand society is just plain wrong. 

The biggest obstacle we have is the negative stigma the term transsexual has in this society.  In their eyes, there are few things one can do that is worse than changing gender, especially if going from male to female.  Add to that the perverted image painted by sensationalistic media looking for an easy buck and we're toast.  Many people are so phobic about transsexualism that just hearing the word sends them instantly into defense, or worse, attack mode.  Education is the only thing that will change that but we must get people to listen first.  That we present as our identified gender and still hear people ask if this is just a phase shows how deeply rooted it is in mainstream society not to even consider gender change.  Banish the thought!  That's why it's so important for each and every one of us to seize every opportunity to educate anyone who will listen and show them we are just ordinary people with an extraordinary challenge.

Julie
When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.
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