My classmates uses bad words about sexuality and transsexualism - I'm pissed off

[Sebby Michelango]

I'm pissed off and disappointed over my class.  My classmates are nice to each other and me. But some of them has bad quotes. It hurts my feeling when they are saying such things like that. I'm still in my closet, so nobody of them know about my sexuality or gender identity. (I'm a gay FTM btw.) I dislike their rude jokes.

In the corridors they are shouting the fa-word and other bad words that is normal to use about gays. They call each other that too. I know it's supposed to be a joke, but still... it's not fun. They used the fa-word all the school years, so that's not a new thing. But the last two weeks they began to joke about transsexualism too. A guy in my class laugh and called somebody else at school for the sh-word and the tr-word. (I'm not going to wright the whole words, because they are so bad) I said to them they shouldn't joke with anything of these. But they didn't listening, and keep saying them. First the guy said something very rude about MTFs, later about FTMs. Two of my teachers know about that, but hasn't talked to them yet. I'm really pissed off. 

[Tristyn]

You ain't gonna like what I'm about to say.....but you best get used to it soon if you ever plan to actually come out at all.

People are people and always got some crap to say about one another. Cause that's the human condition. Just how it is. I doubt there is very lil' anyone here could say to magically make them stop talkin' that way. Yeah, that's real life. It sucks, but its reality.

And no, you don't have to feel "pissed off" about anything. No one can make you feel anything unless you allow yourself to react that way.

Its not gonna get any easier after you come out either. Things will hopefully get much better for you, but life will still be hard.

I'm just bein' real with you. No bull crap.

Hang in there, be strong and tough it out!

~Nixy~

P.S. If your peers bother you that much, why not complain to someone who can actually do something about this, like your principal or dean. You're right, though, about them being wrong to poke fun at other's differences like that....but the whole world do it. Its the Human Condition....

[Dena]

People do this out of ignorance to feel intelligent or because it makes them feel superior. The truth is it shows how little they know and how inferior they are. I understand how it can hurt and I have gone on web forums arguing agains people who have these attitudes and took my lumps. The only thing that will ever end it is education as the result of you coming out and being strong enough to face these people or bring it up to somebody in the school who has the power to stop it. This will not always shut it down because the teacher can't be everywhere all the time. We need to learn to live with some of it and understand that by tolerating the misbehavior of the others, we are the more adult of the two.

The hard part of being transgender is we hurt from the inside and we are attacked form the outside. I am not sure most CIS would have the strength to endure what we go through to find the happiness that they take for granted.

[Tristyn]

We need to learn to live with some of it and understand that by tolerating the misbehavior of the others, we are the more adult of the two.

So true...that's exactly what we all gotta learn how to do if we ever wanna beat The Game of Life .

And, I'm still learnin.

~Nixy~

[Kylo]

When I was a teen I also ended up calling my friends stupid words, as they were calling me and others them. The reason: basically I didn't know anything at all about what those words meant; other people were doing it, we thought it was funny and that we were being funny and that made us feel good. In reality, we were behaving like monkeys imitating each other. That's probably insulting to monkeys because they don't use slurs.

And if I think even further back into childhood, I remember being the second-most crapped-on kid in the class, and I would crap on the first-most crapped on along with the other kids because it meant someone other than me was getting the flak, and that was obviously a good thing to a runt like me.

In short, they are probably ignorant of what those words mean and how hurtful they are - probably don't know any gays or trans people because they might think twice before using the word. There's not much you can do - people will be ignorant and stupid until they are enlightened somehow. If you want to enlighten them by pulling them up on it, you can... but I wouldn't hold my breath for a productive outcome if this is high school or college or something.

[Ms Grace]

Some kid at high school once called me "gay" so I responded by calling him a "lesbian". His brain melted and he indignantly insisted he couldn't be a lesbian. It was childish but it was a lot of fun and most importantly it shut him down. Anyway, I guess my point is that school is all about young people trying to put themselves at the top of the pecking order by using verbal ripostes to put others down. It is stupid, immature and often extremely offensive - but many of them realise that when they do grow up. I personally regret resorting to calling a guy a "lesbian" to get the upper hand in some illogical pissing contest.

What I suggest is that you might like to talk to senior teachers in the schools about ways the use of denigrating language can be addressed within the school culture.

[Tristyn]

I personally regret resorting to calling a guy a "lesbian" to get the upper hand in some illogical pissing contest.

Would I be wrong if I thought you callin' him that was genius?

Not only genius, but way hilarious because its such an outrageously paradoxical statement to make! He kinda deserved it in light of him callin' you somethin' you are not, first, which was just plain stupid and ignorant of him to do. You made an awesome point with that, Ms Grace!

~Nixy~

[Ms Grace]

Would I be wrong if I thought you callin' him that was genius?

Personally, I always thought so.

[KatelynBG]

I was thinking about my school age days recently. I can remember in middle school, some I considered a friend teased me relentlessly because I had no idea what color semen was. I had never done that, I didn't really understand how to make my body do that. Quite frankly it wasn't a goal of mine to make that happen. This went on for months in 8th grade. That and middle sex ed were absolute torture for me.

Also, the fa word and "gay" were thrown around with abandon. I'm convinced that most of the kids had no idea what they meant. I had my share of bullies growing up, but I was also the goalkeeper of the soccer team and usually had at least 4 strapping, virile defenders watching my back at school and on the field. In fact, I had a brief fling with a freshman girl when I was a sophomore who I told about my trans tendencies. Her cousin was in my grade and when we broke up, the cousin defiled my locker and broke into it. The right back on my soccer team, who was also a state champion wrestler came upon the scene and broke the kid's nose.

[Alice Rogers]

How about an anonymous note to the right person on the school faculty complaining about hate language?

They should take it seriously with any luck.

[Christy76]

The sad thing is that they may not even realize their ignorance. Calling people gay or the three letter F word is often something people (especially younger people) do to joke around. They don't understand that it's wrong and they don't stop to think that a gay or transperson may be among them, they just do it. That doesn't make it right it's just the way it is right now. I think it will stop as more gay and transpeople come out of the closet.