"That's Such A Pretty Name!" (Just Another Misgender Rant)

[Tristyn]

I'm sure this is nothing new. Its nothing worthy of that much recognition. I suppose its just me blowing up my elementary life problems way out of ->-bleeped-<-in proportion, again! >.< So if you can't stand to read my rants, best click that "back button" on yo' browser right now, cause Imma 'bout to blow up right here....

So, I get it, my ID and all the other pig crap documents that "represent" me annoyingly continue to display a "label" that is known to everyone who reads them as "my name." But why do some people have to ever comment on it? Is it all that necessary? The ignorance of humanity is so shaming to my ego it makes me so sick with pure rage at times like this!

Am I the only FTM who feels particularly pissed off at the world when stuff like this happens? My over-macho looks are never enough to rescue me from being misgendered because of this damn "label" all over every record of me in existence.

~Nixy~

[Elis]

Feel free to rant all you want. Once I was in a restaurant and the waitress referred to me as female, even though I dressed male. I kept thinking 'does it really look like I want you to call me that'?. And there are many other examples. I just wish employers would stop thinking it's polite to gender people in a conversation, it's really not necessary.

[Tristyn]

Feel free to rant all you want. Once I was in a restaurant and the waitress referred to me as female, even though I dressed male. I kept thinking 'does it really look like I want you to call me that'?. And there are many other examples. I just wish employers would stop thinking it's polite to gender people in a conversation, it's really not necessary.

This is one big reason why I don't even like going out if I don't have to. Especially with my pops. He has to be the most inconsiderate creature in my small circle of no friends.

~Nixy~

[Elis]

This is one big reason why I don't even like going out if I don't have to. Especially with my pops. He has to be the most inconsiderate creature in my small circle of no friends.

~Nixy~

Same here. My dad even asked me once if I was going to order anything alcoholic when we were at the pub together, bcos sometimes people actually gender me correctly. He doesn't even ask me out anymore. I'd rather stay in anyway, much less dysphoria and awkward situations.

[jlaframboise]

I was at a restaurant, too with my dad and grandma once and the waitress brought me my drink and said "here you go... young man" and my grandma corrected her with "oh no. that's a girl" and I got these suck up comments from the waitress about how "pretty" I was the whole night. It's crazy what people will do to make up for misgendering that was correct!


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[Tristyn]

I was at a restaurant, too with my dad and grandma once and the waitress brought me my drink and said "here you go... young man" and my grandma corrected her with "oh no. that's a girl" and I got these suck up comments from the waitress about how "pretty" I was the whole night. It's crazy what people will do to make up for misgendering that was correct!


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Yeah, now that's very interesting. This type of misgendering often happened to me as a child and even recently after coming out.

One time, during one of my many admissions to the hospital, a nurse commented on how "pretty" I was until I told her that "I don't think so cause I am a man," to which she replied, "Well, I think you're handsome then."

I mean, why is it so mandatory for humans to suck up like a vacuum cleaner? >.< Damn...

This could all be solved if that gender marker never even existed at all on any documentation for identification purposes! >.>

~Nixy~

[BenKenobi]

I feel like i have a weird dislike for my legal name. I hate that it's generic but people always spell it wrong. It's not exactly complicated. I mean if you're going to misgender me at least get SOMETHING wrong, right.

[Tristyn]

I could like my name, personally, if it were at least androgynous. Even though being unintentionally portrayed that way physically has worked against me in the past.

I do not actually hate the "label" I have been assigned with at birth. It is, indeed, a very "pretty" name....for a cis woman, that is. So, I hate that this "label" is associated with me to be exact.

~Nixy~

[Kylo]

For most every day use the shorter version of my name is unisex. Which is good. But then people seem to think (when I first meet them) that it must have some kind of suffix that defines gender, like they're feeling for reassurance I'm one thing or the other, and want to know what it is. I usually just say "nope, it's just ____" and correct them to use the short version. Nobody considers it a pretty name, luckily.

You can always change your name, legally. Law where I am says you can use any name you want, whenever you want ... the only problem is if you use it with banks, airports, etc. you have to back it up with a deed poll. But they're cheap and not particularly complicated.

[Tristyn]

Yeah, I wish we could trade names, lol! I say that because I really don't think I would mind it nearly as much as the one I have been assigned with at birth. Although, I am not trying to minimize the very legitimately real frustrations you must feel every time people believe they absolutely must use whatever suffix you do not want them to use to address you. And, heck, they do that to me even more with the name, Phoenix, than with my assigned name.  I honestly think you're reasoning as to why they might do this sounds very possible. Like they want to be sure whoever they address is either this or that. I also think its because they are trying to be polite. And yeah, I think most of us are aware of that, but the issue is that they're not aware of how counterproductive it really is to address people with gender-based suffixes. Even I have an awful habit of doing this because my dad raised me to reply to orders as "yes sir" or "yes ma'am."

Dude, the name change step is like on my list of the top 5 things I wanna do in my transition!^^ I finally decided on what my full name will be a few months ago once I am at the point where I can make this a reality. In short, I need a job. I read that here in the States the fee for this is about $400.00. Yeah, the deed poll thingy isn't available here where I live, unfortunately.

~Nixy~

[FtMitch]

I actually tell people that my assigned name (Michelle) is pronounced "Mitchell" and that my parents apparently didn't know how to spell it.  People usually buy that, actually, especially my co-workers.  There are so many people out there with common names that have weird spellings, they buy the idea that my folks were just incapable of spelling, or possible thought it would be unique to spell "Mitchell" as "Michelle."  Anyone who has taught school would believe it for sure--I have seen some names spelled some very strange ways over the years.  Chasity instead of Chastity, Ammbyr instead of Amber, Mikhayl rather than Michael, Jaysin instead of Jason... the list goes on and on!  I do want to get it changed at some point, though, if only so I don't have to "explain" to people why I look like a guy but my name is feminine (at least in the States--maybe not in France, lol).

[Kylo]

Yeah, I wish we could trade names, lol! I say that because I really don't think I would mind it nearly as much as the one I have been assigned with at birth. Although, I am not trying to minimize the very legitimately real frustrations you must feel every time people believe they absolutely must use whatever suffix you do not want them to use to address you. And, heck, they do that to me even more with the name, Phoenix, than with my assigned name.  I honestly think you're reasoning as to why they might do this sounds very possible. Like they want to be sure whoever they address is either this or that. I also think its because they are trying to be polite. And yeah, I think most of us are aware of that, but the issue is that they're not aware of how counterproductive it really is to address people with gender-based suffixes. Even I have an awful habit of doing this because my dad raised me to reply to orders as "yes sir" or "yes ma'am."

It doesn't bother me so much, as I've been misgendered my whole life. Back when they thought I was a chick, the teachers in my school weren't bright enough to recognize that there's a feminine version of my name and they kept using the masculine no matter how many people corrected them (even my parents). People mistook me visually for a boy then too, although that was awesome when it happened. Now I'm aiming to be a guy, they're assuming the female suffix all the time. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense - most people end up using shorter versions of nicknames at work or in a family anyway, so why insist there's a longer and more awkward name to be using when I tell them? Wouldn't they just end up using the nick, anyway?

That's a fair bit of cash for your name change, but I guess it could be worse. I personally feel like it'll be a rite of passage when I change my name - like officially leaving the bull->-bleeped-<- behind, kinda. Not many people change their names, or get to choose theirs and it's probably one of the few perks we get with this lousy condition. I've just got to decide what to call myself.

[Tristyn]

It doesn't bother me so much, as I've been misgendered my whole life. Back when they thought I was a chick, the teachers in my school weren't bright enough to recognize that there's a feminine version of my name and they kept using the masculine no matter how many people corrected them (even my parents). People mistook me visually for a boy then too, although that was awesome when it happened. Now I'm aiming to be a guy, they're assuming the female suffix all the time. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense - most people end up using shorter versions of nicknames at work or in a family anyway, so why insist there's a longer and more awkward name to be using when I tell them? Wouldn't they just end up using the nick, anyway?

Ok. Hearing you go through this is actually causing me to be upset as if I am the one personally going through it. What's even more upsetting about it is the part where you mentioned that ever since you began to transition over to male, people are so ignorant as to unintentionally misgender you using the female suffix(es) even more as a way to identify you as something. I mean, I don't get it. This is the 21st century and everyone still has an obsession to either identify something or as something. Can't we just be ourselves and leave it at that? Once gender is eliminated, the world will become a much better place!^^

~Nixy~

That's a fair bit of cash for your name change, but I guess it could be worse. I personally feel like it'll be a rite of passage when I change my name - like officially leaving the bull->-bleeped-<- behind, kinda. Not many people change their names, or get to choose theirs and it's probably one of the few perks we get with this lousy condition. I've just got to decide what to call myself.

I agree wit' ya; the name change is a rite of passage for us transgender folk. I couldn't have said this better myself, man. :3 Its awesome of you to "flip the switch" so to speak, and look at the positives of being transgender. That would make a very cool topic of discussion, wouldn't you say?

~Nixy~

[FTMax]

I didn't mind my old name as much as I minded female pronouns or being called ma'am. I was a cop for a few years pre-transition, and being called ma'am all the time was unavoidable and such a downer.

The cost of a name change is going to vary by state. I know it gets up there in some states, but mine was less than $50 with certified copies.

[Tristyn]

I didn't mind my old name as much as I minded female pronouns or being called ma'am. I was a cop for a few years pre-transition, and being called ma'am all the time was unavoidable and such a downer.

Dude, I know you stoked that you ain't gotta put up wit' that crap no more, huh? Out of curiosity, if you don't mind me asking, how often do you get gendered correctly especially now that you on T?


You know what's funny? Yesterday I was actually gendered appropriately over the phone even after I provided my assigned name at birth. They called me Mr. I try not to get too caught up in being gendered correctly, like a member here nicknamed, Mr. X, once said in a thread before. Because seems like for every person that genders you right, there will be one who ignorantly gets it wrong. But I don't get it. I mean, there are times when I intentionally speak with a deeper octave (I'm not on any T yet ) and I give the name Phoenix, which is a masculine name, over the phone and the person on the other end just blatantly calls me Miss or Ma'am anyway. Like, I don't get it, man! >.< Are people that ignorant or are some of them really just idiots like my therapist says?

~Nixy~

The cost of a name change is going to vary by state. I know it gets up there in some states, but mine was less than $50 with certified copies.

I'm not tryin' to get all in yo' business or anything, man, but which state exactly, did you apply to have your name changed in? That's freakin' awesome!^^ Even with my low monthly budget, I would be able to do that now possibly. But I would be takin' a major risk in being kicked out of the house I live in I'm sure. Lol. I live with someone who can't handle the truth.

~Nixy~

[FTMax]

Out of curiosity, if you don't mind me asking, how often do you get gendered correctly especially now that you on T?

I'm not tryin' to get all in yo' business or anything, man, but which state exactly, did you apply to have your name changed in?

100% of the time by strangers and over the phone. Every now and then family members that don't see me regularly will slip up, but that's it. Aside from being the shortest guy in the room almost everywhere, I pass very well.

And I got it changed in Virginia. Very, very easy process involving a quick trip to the local courthouse and a few weeks wait for the mail to come. It is $41 to file with the court and something like $2 per certified copy. No publication requirements, no weird rules.

[Alexthecat]

Even in Ohio which is not very LGBT friendly it was less than $150 for a name change.

[Peep]

Maybe people are more likely to have encountered masculine cis females (there must be more of them than there are of us) in the past and got in trouble for sir-ing them... It's increasingly hard these days to judge on haircut and clothing I try to hope that people aren't intentionally mean, they're just confused + trying to be polite

I've never been sirred but I never used to get called miss or ma'am when presenting as female either. i don't know if people really do that here lol

[BridgetYvonne]

When I started my gender change paperwork, I was going to feminize my name (James to Jamie) but then I thought to myself 'I'm starting a new gender, why not have a new name?' So I picked Bridget Yvonne after my favorite actress Bridget Fonda & Yvonne Biasi her character from IT VOULD HAPPEN TO YOU. I know I'm not as pretty as Ms Fonda but in my heart, I feel Vikki my GF/mentor is Yvonne Biasi in real life. 

[Tristyn]

100% of the time by strangers and over the phone. Every now and then family members that don't see me regularly will slip up, but that's it. Aside from being the shortest guy in the room almost everywhere, I pass very well.

Ah, man. How long have you been on T? So you must be very pleased with your newly, improved voice, huh? That's what's up! I don't know if I will pass as well as you when I start T, cause you know, we not all the same, but I sure hope at least strangers won't be able to tell anything is that unique about me, if you know what I mean.

But just now, I was finally gendered as male, the way it should be, over the phone once again.^^ Using my preferred name when I am able to, really helps, I think. Man, I feel so good right now. Yup!

And I got it changed in Virginia. Very, very easy process involving a quick trip to the local courthouse and a few weeks wait for the mail to come. It is $41 to file with the court and something like $2 per certified copy. No publication requirements, no weird rules.

That's enough reason for me to move. Seriously...And how is Virginia? Is it nice to LGBT folk? I wonder how black people get treated down there. I've heard recent scary stories about certain Southern states' hate crimes like in South Carolina or Alabama. I will never in my life want to live in places like that. Like ever, dude!  Being trans, black, jobless, disabled and young is the ingredient of fear and hatred by some people. Really....

~Nixy~