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How can I see a therapist when I have my parents involved in my life?

Started by redhot1, November 10, 2015, 06:37:31 PM

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redhot1

(I don't know very much at this point whether I just have a fascination and not being "trans enough")

I have a history of isolation. I was always the socially awkward and clumsy boy in class. Fast forward to today, I actually got a girlfriend, but otherwise still totally isolated and a recluse from other people, even my parents and sister sometimes.

I have not been able to develop independent living skills yet, as when I was still a teen (now turning 24) I was still in my own little world.

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Now I only began to think I wanted to be a woman because I saw and read things online. I don't know if it's just my disability or not, because it has "grown" on me a little bit, even though I think about it on and off every now and then.

I have a history of course, like all teenage boys, of looking at girls in school. I always think back to when I was a junior or senior in high school, and a girl in my class was sitting and bent slightly and her sexy black thong accidentally exposed above her pants. That might have been a pivotal thought that made me slowly become interested in gender issues.

I think I'm more like a full-time ->-bleeped-<- (that term is so confusing) who wants to take actual hormones and be a beautiful woman regardless of appearance like hair, eyes, shape, etc. I want to be able to have what most girls in high school have.

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Since I do not have a great history with explaining things at my parents, how can I tell them I want to see a therapist to sort out how I feel truly when I struggle to get a job and move out on my own as a 24 year old man?

Please ask more questions in case I don't explain clearly.



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autumn08

Hi Redhot,


My heart goes out to you. I've also felt like I am not trans enough, been through periods of isolation and was socially awkward. Since there is no test to prove definitively that you are transgender, I always found a reason to be skeptical of if that is who I am. After going to therapy, I was eventually able to see how obvious it is that I am transgender, so maybe when you go to therapy it may also reveal how obvious it is who you are. 

I don't know anything about your parents, so I'm struggling to give you advice. If you tell me about them though, maybe I can help.

What you could do now though, is do what I did to find my therapist, so at least you know how much money you need and where you have to go. I went to the Psychology Today website and searched for a gender therapist in my area. I read their descriptions, found the therapist I felt I would be the most comfortable talking with, and then had a consultation with him via email.

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Dena

If you haven't already see it, go to youtube and ask for "the transition channel". It is a series of videos done by a doctor and it will ask you all the right questions. Your answers will give you an idea where you fit as a transgender. I admit to living with my parents at that age as my first job didn't pay very much but when the time came for more treatment than I could get in Phoenix, I moved to California and pretty much got along fine. The important thing is that you are seeking work or working. If you are working, you need to be saving money because this can become very costly depending on what you decide.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber
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Gertrude

I have mild autism as well as being trans which I've known since I was 5. The trans issue is harder to deal with for me as I am married with 5 kids.  In your case you could see a therapist for both issues and could tell your parents about the one issue, autism. Or just say you need to talk to someone. Either way it's truthful.


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redhot1

My parents raised me as a conservative Christian, but my dad is a lot more solid than mom about his views. My mom has become more open to LGBT stuff than him.

What do I send in a first contact email with a therapist?
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Ms Grace

Perhaps just tell them you want to see a therapist to discuss depression and/or sorting yourself out. You don't have to complicate it with the gender issues.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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redhot1

They'll still want to ask who I'm seeing though. And I already have a regular counselor anyway.
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CarlyMcx

You should really go through your current therapist/counselor in order to obtain a gender therapist.  A gender therapist needs to know about any preexisting condition you have (such as being on the autism spectrum) in order to make an effective diagnosis.

As far as being on the spectrum, I have Asperger Syndrome.  Not to speak for anyone else here, but I think it is pretty common for folks on the mild end of the autism spectrum to end up somewhere other than cisgender on the gender spectrum.

The big question is, how are you going to deal with that in living your life?

I nearly destroyed myself living the life my father wanted me to live -- girlfriends, wife, kids, higher education, high stress, high paying career.

You really need to have a gender therapist sort things out before you start doing things in life that are irreversible, like getting your girlfriend pregnant, or going out into the work force as a man you might or might not be.  You have a chance to start now with a pretty clean slate, and for the cost of a few hours with a therapist, you will have the benefit of being able to point your life in the right direction.
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redhot1

This is exactly what I want. I just hope it doesn't turn out badly, because I fee, contrary to most here, that it's not like I can't stand being a guy. I never felt ashamed by my body, but I think woman's bodies, and femininity in general, is beautiful. I need to sort out what's going on.
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Deborah

Lots of trans people don't hate their bodies, nor are they ashamed of them.  They just know that their bodies aren't the right one.


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Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being....  - Dan Barker

U.S. Army Retired
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Orchid

When I sought therapy, I didn't really tell my parents until after- I never told them why, but they could tell that after my experience, I was happier and easier to talk to.

I think if your parents can tell that you are obviously benefitting from going to therapy, they'll help pay for your session . Ask them to pay for one session so you can see if you really feel like you can get something from your sessions. It never really hurts to ask, and if need be, ask again. Explain your reasoning behind it, as much of as abstract as you'd like. Sometimes it takes a couple of asks before they actually listen.

By the way, before I started my transition I had the same feeling about my body as you described. I never hated mine, I just felt like I wanted to be a beautiful girl. It's a bit more than that for me, something internal that I can't deny, but in laments terms I desired something elegant, skin-deep.
10-22-15 - Begin
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redhot1

Forget it, I guess I don't really feel transgender. I feel lot more like a cross dresser who wants a woman's body.. Is there a label for that?
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Orchid

Quote from: redhot1 on November 11, 2015, 04:00:33 PM
Forget it, I guess I don't really feel transgender. I feel lot more like a cross dresser who wants a woman's body.. Is there a label for that?

From my experience there isn't really a label for anything. I don't know what I am, and at one point that scared me- how can I find normalcy in something that I can't define? Later on I realized that I had always felt uncomfortable with labels- there might not be a mathematic equation for me, what I am might never be simplified, but I know some steps to take that will make me happy.
10-22-15 - Begin
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autumn08

Hi Redhot,


Before therapy I also did not feel ashamed by my body, but accepting who I am has made me much more acutely aware of how miserable being male makes me. The reason being that even though I always knew I wanted to be female, I wouldn't accept it, and thus most of the time I felt numb in regards to being male.

What my gender therapist told me, that helped me accept myself, was that as everyday as my experience seems to me, cis gender people do not go through it. Also, my therapist told me that no one can diagnose you as transgender, but after speaking with him, focusing on what I really felt, and accepting it, I slowly accepted what had been staring at me my entire life.

Now that I know you are already seeing a counselor, I would follow CarlyMcx's advice, and ask your counselor to refer you to a gender therapist. Also, since you come from a conservative family, you have difficulty communicating, and you don't know who you are yet, I would consider looking for a part time job, and asking your parents what you could do in order to earn some money. I worry that your father won't take what you say well, and then you will tell yourself, "I'm not actually transgender anyway," and then you won't receive the treatment you desperately need now.

In regards to your question, "I feel lot more like a cross dresser who wants a woman's body.. Is there a label for that?" I know when I was going through the stage you are going through, I was desperate for a straight answer, so I will say that I believe anyone who wants to be the opposite sex is not cis gender. In order to know where you fall on the gender spectrum though, will require you to clear a lot clutter from your mind first.
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Dena

Quote from: redhot1 on November 11, 2015, 04:00:33 PM
Forget it, I guess I don't really feel transgender. I feel lot more like a cross dresser who wants a woman's body.. Is there a label for that?
Ok, lets slice and dice that statement. First cross dresser makes you not CIS and moves you into the transgender group. so we that that out of the picture. That leaves us with this.

I  want a woman's body..

If that statement is true, that is a common definition of a transsexual. It will take a therapist to make sure but if you want a label, I think you found it.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber
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