My dad has been accepting, but it still doesn't help the daddy issues. :/
When I was younger, I distinctly remember putting small lil stickers on my earlobes pretending like I was wearing studs. I proudly walked around with them at school, but when my dad picked me up, he told me to take them off (which is really stupid..) And other times, like when my hair was longer, he'd say I looked like a girl, which I usually just ignored. When I wanted to transition, I had no clue how my parents would react, but I assumed badly. So I waited several years until I was on my own and relatively stable. I emailed my mom and she was completely fine with it and has since become my friend and has been super supportive, immediately calling me Ashley and saying 'she', etc. Very consistently. My dad, well... he just hasn't really said anything about it. He's generally been supportive, and agreeable, but he does still say 'he' all the time when referring to me. I mean, he's old, and I get that it's a big adjustment, but it's still painful. I think he's getting better about it, and has occasionally said 'she' and usually calls me Ashley, but it's a rarity. I can't even go out in public with him without worrying he's going to say 'he'... because he's done that before. I told my mom about it, and she had a word with him, reminding him that doing that could be dangerous for me, which he hadn't thought of, so he felt bad about that, but he's still slipped. Recently, I'm pretty sure I heard him refer to me as his daughter, and I inwardly grinned and wanted to cry, but it was immediately followed by 'he' again... It's just super disappointing.
As a kid and even a teenager, I hated my parents so much. I thought all sorts of horrible things about them. My dad and I just never talked all that much because he's so stubborn, we'd always find ourselves in an argument if we talked for more than a minute or two. He's mellowed, but I wish he treated me like my mom does. She's become a great friend and we talk a lot, and she's said I look better as a woman and it suits me. I really wish my dad could give me that same kind of acknowledgement. Have the same pride in me. I wish we could be closer. But I feel like we just coexist. I know I should be grateful that he accepts it and seems fine with it. When I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and we moved out of our apartment, I went and stayed with my parents again with the intention of starting my transition. I didn't have a car or even license, but my dad drove me to all my doctor's appointments and to do the laser stuff. So I am super grateful for all of that. We get along well enough now, even if we don't talk all that much. But it really does pain me that I have that much, and can't have more. I wish I could get all the treatment that a daddy's girl gets. The protectiveness, compliments, the fatherly doting, or really just any affection... When I left my boyfriend, after I was fed up with the emotional abuse (which I'm sure he's aware of, and I have griped about since in front of him), he helped move my things out of our apartment, but never said a word about it. Never showed any emotion about it. I wanted him to be angry at my ex. To offer any bit of consolation. But he hasn't. And then, as odd as this sounds, I emphasize my gait a bit when I walk in front of him. I probably act a bit 'girlier' too. I just want him to see me as a woman... his daughter... I have absolutely no clue what he thinks or feels about any of this stuff, and it's something I really don't want to bring up with him. I feel like as accepting as he's been, I'm still infinitely far away from any of this. I just want to be his daughter... and this is why I now have daddy issues... I already want to apologize to all my future boyfriends. :/
Not everyone in my family has been accepting though. My brother-in-law, whom I've known all my life and consider just my brother, was talking s**t about me behind my back after I came out. My mom relayed something to me that he said to her, or my sister heard and relayed to my mom. It was something like 'Oh, so he has tits now? I just don't think I can handle that' and I got a rather judgmental Christmas card from him that year too. I'm just thinking like 'Uhh you're not going to be handling my tits so shut up about them..
' Also, when his daughter got married... He got trashed at the reception and when we took the bus back to the hotel, he sat next to me. He knew, but I hadn't come out to my parents yet at the time. So he leans over and drunkenly tells me, out of nowhere, 'You gotta tell mom and dad... they deserve to know you're gonna do this to yourself'. I told him I would, and he kept insisting, but I told him I wouldn't do it until I was ready. Was just so awkward that it was apparently on his mind, and he brought it up without any prompting or anything. However, despite his attitude about it all, he came to visit last summer after I had gone full-time and was passable and all that. I think he was rather surprised by the changes, and I think he saw that I was happier for it. So he was very agreeable and we got along fine. Still, even if he accepts it and acts fine around me, I doubt he'll really be okay with it all. He's a jerk like that. Then other male members of my family just.. idk. My oldest brother doesn't know that I'm aware of, and my other brother just never says anything about it other than his acknowledgement that he knew when I came out to him, because one of my sisters told him. My nephew had a similar reaction when I saw him just as I started transitioning. I get along fine with him, maybe because he's just a few years younger than me, but I'm still closer to all the women in my family. I really wish I could have more validation from the male members in my family... I'm sure it all goes back to my daddy issues. I just don't want to be seen as the guy I used to be by any of them, or even as a failure in that regard. This stuff just sucks... It's probably why I soak up all the attention I get from men. Why I've slept around a bit. Even my ex-boyfriend had issues with it all and became distant. I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot of issues with the men that enter my life, all because of my father's lack of affection... Yay daddy issues...
