Hi everybody, thanks for stopping by my post. I just wanted and felt the need to talk about a difficult relationship I have with my father. I figured I would share my side to see if anyone is/has been in the same situation or has any advise. By the way I would love to hear your story as well!

Anyways, my father and I never had the best relationship. It all started when I was probably 5 and showing my signs of gender disphoria. My dad always wanted me to be how he thought I should be. He wanted me to be like him which is stupid because everyone is their own person. For example he would always try and make me play boys sports, I hate sports so when he would bring me I use to do ballerina dances and twirls on the field haha I'm not even joking! My mom has always been supportive since the first sign I had. I would cry when I got boy toys and would beg for barbies so my mom would support and buy them for me because she doesn't want to see her child crying over a toy so she was just like if it makes you happy who cares what the toy is, right? Then I started wearing girls clothes/costumes/etc my mom would support my dad would scold. These things happened for years and I remember him barging into my room and screaming at me for playing with the barbies and wearing a girls costume. From there I immediately stopped doing everything I enjoyed which is mostly girl stuff. I never felt like it was wrong but I felt uncomfortable doing these things infront of my dad. This put a giant closed off feeling towards my dad. I never felt like I was able to transition atleast being young because he just wouldn't like that. After being scolded so many times I figured it wasn't worth showing my true self so I just lived as a boy and couldn't do anything I liked truly which made me depressed. After I graduated high school and started to find myself again I decided I needed to transition or my life would never be complete or happy. I started my transition almost a year ago and broke the news to him maybe 5 months ago. I told him that not only do I like men but I also feel like a woman. He blames my mother that I'm this way when all my mom has done was support anything I wanted to do. I had my own mind and new what was going on at a young age and don't think someone can convince you to want to switch genders that sounds very stupid to me, I was born like this. I told my dad in a text message and the day after he didn't mention anything until I had to be the bigger person and bring it up. He never had anything to say about I can tell he was trying not to judge and say hateful comments. I made him come to my therapy session once and I did think he said he supports it but he kept saying he doesn't get it or whatever. I feel like he only said he supports just to not seem like a dick but within the last six months he hasn't brang it up once even when I try to he's avoiding it and I know he doesn't want me to do it. Today is my birthday and the birthday card said SON so big on the front it was so unnecessary and he did it on purpose. I am not full time yet because I'm uncomfortable around him and want to go full time when I move out. The only help I got from him is that he has a good insurance plan so I can get mostly all my transition related surgeries and hormones covered. But it's not like he's going out of his way to help me. I am out as transgender to everybody I know and go out as myself (female) infront of people all the time. I feel confident about myself and when I get all dolled up but never want to do it around him. I'm not asking him to come shopping obviously dads don't do that really I have my mom and friends to do girl stuff with but all I want is for him to understand it and stop feeling uncomfortable like a two year old. Sometimes I feel down on myself and weak for not being more assertive to my dad about who I am but the other side of my feels like it's mostly his fault because if he never was a jerk growing up about it I would have opened it. It's just like why am I so open towards everyone else but not him? That's how I know it's not my fault. He judges people a lot for stupid things and I'm not even talking about the lgbt community, this is why I shouldn't take it seriously with him. I know he's a good person and does his job as a parent for me but when it comes to accepting people that's different than him he's very judgmental. I plan on going away to school in a year but for now my school is here so I live at home. I was planning to go full time before I move away because a year is just to long from now. I don't know what else to do with my dad if I should wait or try and talk about it more or just say ->-bleeped-<- it and do whatever I want. What would you do and have you experienced this?

Thanks so much for reading this any feedback would be so appreciated

hey Nattie

Thanks for sharing this story. My mom did the same thing with me, and my dad was supportive--oddly enough.

Ultimately, the best thing is to communicate and ask him why this is difficult for him and maybe explain how it's difficult for you. When I did this with my mom, she seemed to be a little more caring about my identity--though she's still very adamant about trying to "cure" me with prayer. Fortunately I'm out on my own

Anyhow, don't make the mistake of pushing your father away entirely (a little bit is okay, we all need some space). We need family to support us, even if they don't understand or can't empathize with us, it's at least important to keep them involved. It's the natural instinct to push people away--don't do it, it can make things worse between you.

Do you think you could ever have an open and honest discussion with your dad--without the psychiatrist? Have you tried talking this out with your mom  or someone your dad is comfortable with?

Audree

Hi My Dear:

Thank you for sharing.  It's an interesting and moving journey you have taken so far.  I am going to avoid passing any kind of judgement here.  There has been some movement by your dad, perhaps there will be more.  Also, he has a huge stake in this - his son (and his daughter), and parents often judge themselves harshly for the state of affairs with their children.

You'll be far happier if despite your perceived father's insentiveness and lack of support you love him for who he is and accept who he isn't.  In this regard time is an amazing agent and given it you may find in your lifetime that your dad loved/loves you deeply as best he could/can (however that was, is and will be).  Of course, there's no excuse for abuse and soon you will be fully in charge of that dynamic with him if you aren't already. 

I leave you with the thought that your love here is critical and the more you show it while respecting who you are the more satisfaction you will find in your relationship with your dad, however that evolves.

Love to you and your family and the very best to you,

Rachel

You could have a look at these resources:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901


hugs

thank you for sharing your story. Your dad is going through a process, my dad went through something like that and was so mad saying terrible things. but in time he got better. her was like your dad for a good while. But once i went full time and really starting to develop something in his head just switched. no more knocking doors open with the line ,"no locked doors in my house!" no more be a man and not a F***** statements. he even got a book from PFLAG for parents of transgender kids. and keep in mind he was very homophobic and transphobic before. Now im a daddys girl and we talk at least every other day. But it takes time. remember they are going through a process too. I hope he also comes around for you as time goes on. seems like more times than not these days they do.

Oh my goodness, thanks so much for the response everybody!

Thanks for sharing your stories as well, it's always interesting to see how different parents deal.

What I got from your responses is that I should probably bring this up with my father again. I'm mad that he doesn't go out of his way to see if I'm ok when he knows what's going on but I guess I'll be the more mature person and go to him to talk. I have always been distant and pushed him away we barely talk. Sometimes I think I should just not have a father relationship with him but the other side of my feels that I need and want a dad. However, I am living with him so it would be best to go the route of trying to talk it out. My parents are divorced so I can't have my mom talk to my dad about it. It seems it should be a one on one conversation but keep in mine I have tried to do this two or three times and all he did was say he didn't get it and I can tell he was pretending to care.

Thank you all
Natalia

with time he should come around

Hello. I am a bit different to you.

My relationship with my dad worsen after I came out to him 3 years ago.

We had friendly relationship before but not anymore.

However, time is a great factor in my case. After he has asked me to move out, he also scold me of being a transgender.

For about a year, he soften. On day, he saw me dressing up as female on the street, and said nothing.

A few days later,I have gone back home for dinner with him, he did not mention it, I thought he is just being selectively blind to me. But at that time, a homosexual program on TV was broadcasting, I know it is different to GID, but still sexual minority. In the past those program would stigmatize him and he would sought at me. But this time was not, he was just silently watching on the TV.

Now, he did not mention any words about my transition.

But every person has their schedule. My friend used 10 years to deal with her father for not scolding on her. Mine is just one year.

Work hard and be patient, something is changing silently and slowly.Moving out is good. As in my case, my mom passed away few years ago, and he is lonely now. I think it played a significant role on his change.

All the best, lets work together to make our family accept who we are.

Sorry to hear that Kayla.

This is why I'm scared to go full time while living here. I'm nervous because once I do, he can't avoid this issue anymore if I'm infront of him living as a woman. This is why it's safer to do so when I move out. My thing is if I'm living my own life without my father and he wants to dis own me then I will have no problem not talking to him again because you don't bring a child into the world to dis own them. I will live my life with or without him but obviously I would prefer with him! It's up to him.

However, I was thinking just as an experiment, maybe I should go full time a month or two before moving out to see how he reacts this will make or break our relationship and I won't have anything to lose because I will be gone from him anyways if he doesn't like it. But if he still supports it, then I will of course keep in contact with him and have him in my life. I realized that I'm a great person and deserve respect so if he doesn't accept me I am not going to go out of my way for his acceptance when there are many people out there that will already accept me for me!

So has your father spent time with you being your true self, a woman? He still didn't mention it? Sad. I wish people would open their minds and realize we are just normal people as well.

Natalia, sorry to reply you late.

No I can't dress up as female in front of him, because I respect him and he knows our line. It is an equilibrium between us and I am not going to  break this. Many HK transgenders are doing the same as what I am doing: their family knows their transition, but as long as you don't dress up so feminine, they would not bother you, and would keep dining with you at home.

I don't think forcing your father to see you as full time before moving out is a good choice. I would prefer you just moving out and leave him some messages, plus telling him you love him. But you have to make your own choice because you know your father well, not everyone of us.

But for me I would prefer not breaking up the relationship completely. Work hard and good luck to you

Well when I go full time I'm not going to dress as a boy for the day just because he didn't accept it. I will leave it up to him it's a take it or leave it type of thing once I go full on.

You are full time and dress as a boy infront of him still? I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with someone who can't even see me as myself.

Hi Natalia.

Your dad sounds similar to my own. They both wanna pretend that we ain't goin' through this process of transitioning and that everything is as it should be to them. I figure that if people are not willing to continue to accept, love and support whatever type of person their children come out as, then they don't need to be parents. Cause these type of parents ironically create an interpersonal hell for their child, usually subconsciously. Kinda like our dads, who want us to be something we just aren't.

My advice to you, Natalia, would be to move. Whether you cut him off or not, though, is up to you and you alone. I think that's a tough road to follow, especially if you harbor very strong feelings for your dad deep down like I do. I love my dad but I want to cut him off. Its not because I hate him, though I have said it plenty of times. Its because I love him and I selflessly love myself. Because I am beginning to care about me as a person, I feel it would be in my best interest to slowly detach myself from his leeching negativity that pulls me down so low sometimes that I wish I were dead. Interacting with my dad is like walking on eggshells; you can step on those eggshells but if you not careful they will just snap on you!

I hope whatever it is you decide to do to help you transition works out for the best, for you, your dad and all of your loved ones. But especially for you. Good luck! 

Quote from: NataliaDoll on December 02, 2015, 10:16:11 AM
I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with someone who can't even see me as myself.

Yes, because that would mean the person didn't deserve you in the first place.

Hi Natalia.

It's this strange thing with fathers. Mine simply doesn't talk to me anymore.

I don't know what it is about them.

Good luck with yours.

I don't know I tried to approach him with this situation in every way possible, sweet, calm, bitchy, defensive, excited etc etc and I still get the same reaction from him which to me is unacceptable. I feel like our relationship and his acceptance and feelings are going no where! I am proud of myself but being around him kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. He isn't really a homophobe and has never talked down about the "LGB" part he has actually talked about it in a positive way before saying he would accept me if I am gay (pre transition) but every sense I came out as trans it's like he knows nothing about it and can't wrap his head around it. I believe he use to be against "LGBT" rights but maybe has become alittle more open minded as he got older? Maybe I will try and talk to him tomorrow one more last time and I will dig for every single true feeling he has. I need to know where he really stands once and for all! I will keep you updated and post back tomorrow night once I talk to him wish my luck lol

My dad has been accepting, but it still doesn't help the daddy issues. :/

When I was younger, I distinctly remember putting small lil stickers on my earlobes pretending like I was wearing studs. I proudly walked around with them at school, but when my dad picked me up, he told me to take them off (which is really stupid..) And other times, like when my hair was longer, he'd say I looked like a girl, which I usually just ignored. When I wanted to transition, I had no clue how my parents would react, but I assumed badly. So I waited several years until I was on my own and relatively stable. I emailed my mom and she was completely fine with it and has since become my friend and has been super supportive, immediately calling me Ashley and saying 'she', etc. Very consistently. My dad, well... he just hasn't really said anything about it. He's generally been supportive, and agreeable, but he does still say 'he' all the time when referring to me. I mean, he's old, and I get that it's a big adjustment, but it's still painful. I think he's getting better about it, and has occasionally said 'she' and usually calls me Ashley, but it's a rarity. I can't even go out in public with him without worrying he's going to say 'he'... because he's done that before. I told my mom about it, and she had a word with him, reminding him that doing that could be dangerous for me, which he hadn't thought of, so he felt bad about that, but he's still slipped. Recently, I'm pretty sure I heard him refer to me as his daughter, and I inwardly grinned and wanted to cry, but it was immediately followed by 'he' again... It's just super disappointing.

As a kid and even a teenager, I hated my parents so much. I thought all sorts of horrible things about them. My dad and I just never talked all that much because he's so stubborn, we'd always find ourselves in an argument if we talked for more than a minute or two. He's mellowed, but I wish he treated me like my mom does. She's become a great friend and we talk a lot, and she's said I look better as a woman and it suits me. I really wish my dad could give me that same kind of acknowledgement. Have the same pride in me. I wish we could be closer. But I feel like we just coexist. I know I should be grateful that he accepts it and seems fine with it. When I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and we moved out of our apartment, I went and stayed with my parents again with the intention of starting my transition. I didn't have a car or even license, but my dad drove me to all my doctor's appointments and to do the laser stuff. So I am super grateful for all of that. We get along well enough now, even if we don't talk all that much. But it really does pain me that I have that much, and can't have more. I wish I could get all the treatment that a daddy's girl gets. The protectiveness, compliments, the fatherly doting, or really just any affection... When I left my boyfriend, after I was fed up with the emotional abuse (which I'm sure he's aware of, and I have griped about since in front of him), he helped move my things out of our apartment, but never said a word about it. Never showed any emotion about it. I wanted him to be angry at my ex. To offer any bit of consolation. But he hasn't. And then, as odd as this sounds, I emphasize my gait a bit when I walk in front of him. I probably act a bit 'girlier' too. I just want him to see me as a woman... his daughter... I have absolutely no clue what he thinks or feels about any of this stuff, and it's something I really don't want to bring up with him. I feel like as accepting as he's been, I'm still infinitely far away from any of this. I just want to be his daughter... and this is why I now have daddy issues... I already want to apologize to all my future boyfriends. :/

Not everyone in my family has been accepting though. My brother-in-law, whom I've known all my life and consider just my brother, was talking s**t about me behind my back after I came out. My mom relayed something to me that he said to her, or my sister heard and relayed to my mom. It was something like 'Oh, so he has tits now? I just don't think I can handle that' and I got a rather judgmental Christmas card from him that year too. I'm just thinking like 'Uhh you're not going to be handling my tits so shut up about them.. ' Also, when his daughter got married... He got trashed at the reception and when we took the bus back to the hotel, he sat next to me. He knew, but I hadn't come out to my parents yet at the time. So he leans over and drunkenly tells me, out of nowhere, 'You gotta tell mom and dad... they deserve to know you're gonna do this to yourself'. I told him I would, and he kept insisting, but I told him I wouldn't do it until I was ready. Was just so awkward that it was apparently on his mind, and he brought it up without any prompting or anything. However, despite his attitude about it all, he came to visit last summer after I had gone full-time and was passable and all that. I think he was rather surprised by the changes, and I think he saw that I was happier for it. So he was very agreeable and we got along fine. Still, even if he accepts it and acts fine around me, I doubt he'll really be okay with it all. He's a jerk like that. Then other male members of my family just.. idk. My oldest brother doesn't know that I'm aware of, and my other brother just never says anything about it other than his acknowledgement that he knew when I came out to him, because one of my sisters told him. My nephew had a similar reaction when I saw him just as I started transitioning. I get along fine with him, maybe because he's just a few years younger than me, but I'm still closer to all the women in my family. I really wish I could have more validation from the male members in my family... I'm sure it all goes back to my daddy issues. I just don't want to be seen as the guy I used to be by any of them, or even as a failure in that regard. This stuff just sucks... It's probably why I soak up all the attention I get from men. Why I've slept around a bit. Even my ex-boyfriend had issues with it all and became distant. I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot of issues with the men that enter my life, all because of my father's lack of affection... Yay daddy issues...

Quote from: NataliaDoll on December 03, 2015, 02:36:23 AM
wish my luck lol

wish you luck 

Quote from: Ashey on December 03, 2015, 06:39:01 AM
I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot of issues with the men that enter my life, all because of my father's lack of affection... Yay daddy issues...

Well I'd say be yourself... regardless of affection...

You might sit down with your dad, maybe over a cup of tea (or some self baked pie) (or one! glass of wine if you are of age) and really talk to him...
asking him why he reacts this way... how he feels...
maybe there are some restraints still...
some feelings he has that people should be real men (internal feeling he should behave like a man.. and others too)...
well you might tell being transgender is biological and you are a real woman...
there are studies showing that the parts of the brain of transgender people are the same as the gender they identify with...
so you are a woman...

and, well, you might tease him a bit... maybe he thaws up a bit...

I'd say try to see it with humour... it takes off the edge...


hugs

Quote from: Ashey on December 03, 2015, 06:39:01 AM
My dad has been accepting, but it still doesn't help the daddy issues. :/

When I was younger, I distinctly remember putting small lil stickers on my earlobes pretending like I was wearing studs. I proudly walked around with them at school, but when my dad picked me up, he told me to take them off (which is really stupid..) And other times, like when my hair was longer, he'd say I looked like a girl, which I usually just ignored. When I wanted to transition, I had no clue how my parents would react, but I assumed badly. So I waited several years until I was on my own and relatively stable. I emailed my mom and she was completely fine with it and has since become my friend and has been super supportive, immediately calling me Ashley and saying 'she', etc. Very consistently. My dad, well... he just hasn't really said anything about it. He's generally been supportive, and agreeable, but he does still say 'he' all the time when referring to me. I mean, he's old, and I get that it's a big adjustment, but it's still painful. I think he's getting better about it, and has occasionally said 'she' and usually calls me Ashley, but it's a rarity. I can't even go out in public with him without worrying he's going to say 'he'... because he's done that before. I told my mom about it, and she had a word with him, reminding him that doing that could be dangerous for me, which he hadn't thought of, so he felt bad about that, but he's still slipped. Recently, I'm pretty sure I heard him refer to me as his daughter, and I inwardly grinned and wanted to cry, but it was immediately followed by 'he' again... It's just super disappointing.

As a kid and even a teenager, I hated my parents so much. I thought all sorts of horrible things about them. My dad and I just never talked all that much because he's so stubborn, we'd always find ourselves in an argument if we talked for more than a minute or two. He's mellowed, but I wish he treated me like my mom does. She's become a great friend and we talk a lot, and she's said I look better as a woman and it suits me. I really wish my dad could give me that same kind of acknowledgement. Have the same pride in me. I wish we could be closer. But I feel like we just coexist. I know I should be grateful that he accepts it and seems fine with it. When I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and we moved out of our apartment, I went and stayed with my parents again with the intention of starting my transition. I didn't have a car or even license, but my dad drove me to all my doctor's appointments and to do the laser stuff. So I am super grateful for all of that. We get along well enough now, even if we don't talk all that much. But it really does pain me that I have that much, and can't have more. I wish I could get all the treatment that a daddy's girl gets. The protectiveness, compliments, the fatherly doting, or really just any affection... When I left my boyfriend, after I was fed up with the emotional abuse (which I'm sure he's aware of, and I have griped about since in front of him), he helped move my things out of our apartment, but never said a word about it. Never showed any emotion about it. I wanted him to be angry at my ex. To offer any bit of consolation. But he hasn't. And then, as odd as this sounds, I emphasize my gait a bit when I walk in front of him. I probably act a bit 'girlier' too. I just want him to see me as a woman... his daughter... I have absolutely no clue what he thinks or feels about any of this stuff, and it's something I really don't want to bring up with him. I feel like as accepting as he's been, I'm still infinitely far away from any of this. I just want to be his daughter... and this is why I now have daddy issues... I already want to apologize to all my future boyfriends. :/

Not everyone in my family has been accepting though. My brother-in-law, whom I've known all my life and consider just my brother, was talking s**t about me behind my back after I came out. My mom relayed something to me that he said to her, or my sister heard and relayed to my mom. It was something like 'Oh, so he has tits now? I just don't think I can handle that' and I got a rather judgmental Christmas card from him that year too. I'm just thinking like 'Uhh you're not going to be handling my tits so shut up about them.. ' Also, when his daughter got married... He got trashed at the reception and when we took the bus back to the hotel, he sat next to me. He knew, but I hadn't come out to my parents yet at the time. So he leans over and drunkenly tells me, out of nowhere, 'You gotta tell mom and dad... they deserve to know you're gonna do this to yourself'. I told him I would, and he kept insisting, but I told him I wouldn't do it until I was ready. Was just so awkward that it was apparently on his mind, and he brought it up without any prompting or anything. However, despite his attitude about it all, he came to visit last summer after I had gone full-time and was passable and all that. I think he was rather surprised by the changes, and I think he saw that I was happier for it. So he was very agreeable and we got along fine. Still, even if he accepts it and acts fine around me, I doubt he'll really be okay with it all. He's a jerk like that. Then other male members of my family just.. idk. My oldest brother doesn't know that I'm aware of, and my other brother just never says anything about it other than his acknowledgement that he knew when I came out to him, because one of my sisters told him. My nephew had a similar reaction when I saw him just as I started transitioning. I get along fine with him, maybe because he's just a few years younger than me, but I'm still closer to all the women in my family. I really wish I could have more validation from the male members in my family... I'm sure it all goes back to my daddy issues. I just don't want to be seen as the guy I used to be by any of them, or even as a failure in that regard. This stuff just sucks... It's probably why I soak up all the attention I get from men. Why I've slept around a bit. Even my ex-boyfriend had issues with it all and became distant. I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot of issues with the men that enter my life, all because of my father's lack of affection... Yay daddy issues...

Hi Ashley, thanks for sharing your story I enjoyed reading and I think out situation has many similarities! My dad and I never talked growing up either ever nothing it's ridiculous. Also the woman in my family love me but the men it's just whatever to them. I so feel you as far as daddy issues go. I always wanted a male figure to protect me growing up, I have an older brother he would but we would always fight we were never close either. I still need that male figure in my life and probably explains my actions as well. I never felt secure by anyone besides my mom. I'm always defensive and closed off when I meet guys. What I realized is that when it comes to my father or anyone not being accepting I will never settle for less and they are either full on supportive or I dead them that's just how I think it should be. I will not tolerate him being half ass accepting or give him praise for one little thing because when you have a child your job is to be supportive no matter what and be open to them it's ur child! As long as you surround yourself with new people that accept you that's all that matters

Sorry guys when I got home tonight he was sleeping already I promise I will post what happens once I talk to him within this week.

Quote from: NataliaDoll on December 03, 2015, 10:29:03 PM
Sorry guys when I got home tonight he was sleeping already I promise I will post what happens once I talk to him within this week.

Well you might thin a bit what you want to say...

and keep mentally to a picture of a good outcome 


hugs

i think most of parents have struggle to understand and they feel like they'll lose a child. so they keep trying to "rescue" what is left without knowing it just makes us feel more uncomfortable.

me and my dad don't have a good relationship either. we fight all the time even over some stupid small things. mom has to be in between to stop the fights or just calm us down. he's very controlling and he's always like i have to be like this, like that. especially, i have to follow mom's footstep to be a girl.
deep down inside, i'm just like his replica, i'm nothing like a girl. i cried so hard when being put in girly clothes and i was so young at the time, like 2 or 3 years of age. when i was older, my family just laughed it off about that fact. lol.
i had a hard time trying to tell him the fact that his daughter has always been a boy and just like him. i feel like there's a firewall that he sets up and i couldn't do anything to cross to the other side. i don't know if you feel that way too. it seems like my dad knows it deep down inside, but he doesn't want to accept the fact.

one time i was so heartbroken as i've been holding this for the longest, i couldn't do it anymore. i just want him to know. i write letters from the bottom of my heart about who i am and what my feelings are, along with explanations where all that come from. i really hate to explain myself but i keep doing that with hope he'll understand. i kinda got the "silent treatment" in the next couple of days. so i bite the bullet and bring up the subject again. mom kinda know since i grew up nothing like all the girls around me. dad was still silent and all. we talk less than 5 sentences a day. i used to live with my parents and went to university in the same city. now that i moved out to the other side of the world, it's much better. i think i give them time and space to think, i also give myself much needed space and freedom.

over the course of the years, i just dressed the way i want and be more out to friends. he's not very receptive of it but in the back of my mind, i think everyone needs their own time to "get over it".
it did take a long while for him to come around, it was years. i asked him to re-name me in our mother tongue so i'd have a proper name and perhaps a new birth certificate, and he said yes. i couldn't be happier.

another close and much older friend of mine who i always consider "a second dad" has been quite judgmental about the whole thing too. a part of it because he thinks i'm just confused. he never wants to accept the fact.
so i brought him to my therapist for about 3-4 sessions. i mean you can't just bring a person to a session and believe he'll understand everything after it. it's a process and the more he goes to therapy, the more he comes to understand my feelings, then turned to be more supportive. i'd love to bring my dad to therapy if i can, except we're over 8000 miles apart now, and he doesn't understand much English, and we don't even have therapists where i'm from :[[

i used to do a little family gathering, just eat food at home and enjoy the company of my parents, then insert some information here and there. the atmosphere is very weird when i split it out, but it gets better over time. or i just get better of telling them. lol. it's like i try to plan a virus to his firewall. lol.
it's so hard to deal with not quite understanding parent(s). give them plenty of love and time. eventually they'll know they never lose you, they just have to come to their own terms to accept who you are and support you with both hands and legs :DD you'll get there. keep us updated.