Feeling Paranoid About Being Categorized as Female

[FtMitch]

So I have been looking for a new gym and personal training program, and found a good one at a local place that does Crossfit and Olympic Weightlifting.  They were really chill about my being trans, which I appreciated.  However, when the guy I met with called me back to let me know when I had been scheduled, I found out that I was put with the one female personal trainer out of five.  This is also the person who does the Women's Weightlifting Team.  I know that it is REALLY  big assumption that they did this because I am trans... and yet I am still worried about it.  Am I being WAY overly paranoid here?  I guess it is possible that she was just the person they happened to give me to.  There is a one in five chance, I guess.  It just bothers me, I guess. 

[AeroZeppelin92]

You should probably ask them about it if it bothers you, and if it is the case then politely ask for it to be corrected. Some people just don't know that much about transgender people so it could end up just being an honest mistake. No sense worrying about it if you don't even know that's the case.

[FtMitch]

I feel like I will look like a sexist jerk if I bring it up... "Hey... why did you guys put me with the female trainer?" sounds really sexist, like I don't think females can be good trainers, which is just not it.  I just feel like if I were a cis man they probably would have put me with one of the men.  I mean, I explained all about being transgender, so it's not actually a case of misgendering or anything.  It just makes me feel like maybe they're still categorizing me with the women.  But since I have no clue if that is true or not, I don't feel comfortable asking.  Which is a catch 22 since it's bothering me and will probably continue to bother me until my first workout next week. God, I HATE presenting so in between!  Plus, to be honest, I really feel uncomfortable around women I don't know well, like I have no idea how to connect with them, so I am not thrilled in general to be with a female trainer, not because I don't think she's good but because connecting to women is not my strong point.

[FTMax]

There's no way to tell unless you ask. It could be because you're trans, it could be because she was the only trainer with availability that lined up with yours. You'll never know unless you ask.

If they aren't making you use the women's locker room, I wouldn't be terribly concerned about it. But again, it's worth a conversation.

I cancelled my gym membership the month before I had top surgery, and came back about 3 months after the fact. It's a busier gym, but the staff were all the same. Coupled with my name change, nobody recognized me. It is great.

[FtMitch]

You're right, Max.  I'm probably overreacting.  I am just so on the edge in my head lately, feeling like everyone is looking at me and misgendering me.  The assistant pastor of my new church (which is LGBT) accidentally referred to me as "m'am" this Sunday (she is a butch lesbian, so I think she has a hard time remembering I am trans and not butch), and I didn't correct her because I was too embarrassed to do so in front of so many people.  Then my parents keep saying they will try and call me Mitch and "he", then continue to refer to me as my legal name and "she".  I just want my looks to start changing so that people will have an easier time, you know?  My dysphoria is ten times as bad as it was before T, because I know the changes will come eventually but the waiting is SO painful.  So I guess this was just another stick on the camel's annoyingly androgynous back this week, lol.  Hack, earlier today I was totally pumped that this gym was so cool about me being trans.   Funny how quickly your mood can swing.

[Tysilio]

Instead of worrying about it before the fact, what would happen if you scheduled a couple of sessions with this trainer, and then see if she's a good fit for you? If you're not comfortable, you can ask then to work with someone else. You never know until you try.

If she's not someone you can work well with, it's no big deal -- I'm sure people switch around pretty often, depending on what works for them.

[Bimmer Guy]

Another option is to call them back and tell them that you prefer to work with a man.  If they say it will take a couple of weeks longer to start, you can tell them you are happy to wait.  Tell them it is not that you think women can't be good trainers, it is just that you are uncomfortable being around women while working out (or something like that...).  Don't feel like you can't ask for what you want.

Point is, take the whole trans thing out of it.  I bet there are a lot of guys who ask to be with guys (because we live in a misogynistic society so many people DO think that men are better trainers than women).  But, you can't help that.  You prefer a guy...and you are paying for it.

I would suggest if you are to start next week, do it sooner rather than later so she can get someone else into her schedule.  I think even when you sign up through the gym the trainers get paid per client.

[darkblade]

I would do a session or two with her and see how I feel about it, but if it's bothering you this much then you could always tell them you're more comfortable with a male coach. That said, coaches at crossfit boxes have generally packed schedules so its pretty likely that she was the only one available.