Change of outlook. Is it acceptance, or settling?

[Eedjii]

For a while know the thought that I'm trans and the phrase "I wish I was a girl" has circled around my head. It made me sad.

But yesterday I was mad and just said to hell with it and thought you know what? I am a girl!

I wished so hard, wanted to wear heels so bad, wanted to have breasts, wanted to be a gg more than anything in the world.

But now I feel like I truly am female. I'm male as well, but most importantly female. I'm so happy. When I tell myself I'm a girl I get warm and fuzzy inside.

The female side of myself, Emma, even started coming through in my thoughts. I feel it's almost like two people, two sides of the same personality. There's emma, and there's taylor.

I don't feel pressure to dress in girls clothing anymore or suffocation from the fact that I'm not a girl.

Now I just came to a calm place where I can do what I feel to express either side of me how I want, when I want.

I still fantasize of course, how I would look in pink heels, what having a boyfriend would be like, but I'm in a happier place now.

I was just wondering if this is weird. Am i a minority? Am I faking something that's not there? Desperately trying to fit into the cool transgender people's club?

I don't know, but either way I'm happy at least lol

[suzifrommd]

I was just wondering if this is weird. Am i a minority? Am I faking something that's not there? Desperately trying to fit into the cool transgender people's club?

I've heard many people report experiences exactly like yours.

My gender therapists insists that there is little difference  between trans people who want to be women vs. trans people who feel like they are woman. There's no right or wrong way to be trans. They're just two different ways to experience being transgender.

I'll say, that I wish I had your experience. Two and a half years into full-time and I still feel like a "want to be". I've accepted that I may never "feel female" whatever that means. I'm still thrilled to be able to the live this way.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Emma,

At the end of the day, there are 2 battlegrounds. One in the body, and another more importantly in the mind.

Sounds like you just won victory in the latter. Congratulations.

Gender is all about what's between your ears, not so much as what's between your legs. However, they are both inextricably linked..

Speak to you as soon as I've finished this embroidery.

Huggs
Catherine

[genevie]

Where's the like button? I want to push it a bunch when I read your post. I hit something like that recently and felt like laughing every time someone looked at me funny. In my head I thought, "I know who I am and I'm okay with it."

[BridgetYvonne]

w/ my final surgery set for Apr '16, I guess I have to accept that I will be a girl. I cant change things. If I were to go back to being a guy, I would be more miserable than I am now. I could stop all Meds, cut my hair but would I be happy as a guy? Not only no but Hell No! I made the decision almost 3 years ago & I am sticking w/ it come hell or high water. Vikki likes me as a girl & so do most of my/our friends (minus 1 Sheri Vikki's step) but she doesn't count. My sister Shasta likes me as a sister. It may & has taken time to get used to my mannerisms etc. I still do some guy stuff. Will it go away? maybe.       

[audreelyn]

This is amazing! I'm so happy to hear that. It's also much cheaper too lol.

Audree

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[sam1234]

You aren't weird. Many transgenders tend to go through an inner battle while trying to find themselves. The fact is, you are a girl. If the brain says female and the body says male, I have to believe that the brain is right. You can live if your body is paralyzed or damaged, but you can't live without your brain.

Consider your acceptance of your intended gender a victory. Sometimes it the coming to the conclusion that is the hardest part.

sam1234

[TG CLare]

Dear Eedjii;

Congratulations. You seemed to have passed another hurdle to be who you feel you are.

For a long time I lived with 2 distinct personalities. One was male and the other female. Each time I allowed my female side to come out and play, it was harder to put her back in the bottle. It was like the story of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde!

In the end, my female side won out and became the dominant side and I began my transition. I am a lot happier, much more calmer and could never go back to being the old me. I look back and find it hard to believe that I actually lived as a man for all of those years. Even the sound of my old name seems like it is another person being talked about.

Love,
Clare

[Eedjii]

Dear Eedjii;

Congratulations. You seemed to have passed another hurdle to be who you feel you are.

For a long time I lived with 2 distinct personalities. One was male and the other female. Each time I allowed my female side to come out and play, it was harder to put her back in the bottle. It was like the story of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde!

In the end, my female side won out and became the dominant side and I began my transition. I am a lot happier, much more calmer and could never go back to being the old me. I look back and find it hard to believe that I actually lived as a man for all of those years. Even the sound of my old name seems like it is another person being talked about.

Love,
Clare

Hey Clare, I was wondering if we can get a dialogue going since our stories seem similar. But unfortunately I don't think I can send messages on here :/

But whatever, I just wanted to talk with you more about the split personality thing.

[TG CLare]

Eedjii, once you hit 15 you can send PMs on here. I have sent you one.

Clare