Quote from: JoanneB on November 29, 2015, 10:24:04 AM
Well, you know your wife best. (BTW- My wife has been suffering from chronic pain for some 15 years now. Timing may likely be a major factor for you between not in the mood for anything or hyper anxiety from the meds)
That's one of the issues... she's always in pain and never disconnects from it... Docs had tried to tell her to stop talking about it all day as it shifts her brain in a state of constant awareness of pain... She won't do any of the prescribed relaxation techniques... This is literally all we ever talk about... ever!
If I bring another topic of conversation, it always goes back to her and the pain in a minute or two, and most of the time, things like "well, I have pain and you don't! Relaxation won't help it, I have a real problem that's not in my head!!", and one that I hate: "You have no idea what it feels like when you're not well in your own body!"... nope, I sure have no idea what that feels...
What kills me is that I've stayed with her throughout all this, it's been about 9 years now... I took her to docs, we traveled the world looking for treatments, this cost me tons of money, yet, I stayed with her... I haven't been the most supportive all the time, it takes a toll on me at times, but I have tried all I reasonably could... yet I feel that if I tell her, all I'll hear is that it's not a real problem, I can get over it the same way "I" (really, the docs, but blaming me is easier), told her to ease the pain with relaxation...
When we argued, I sometimes brought the topic of whether she'd still be with me if I was in pain and refused to do everything possible to heal, even as she begged me to do it... She said she'd understand and would try everything to help me... yet I have absolute doubts about it if I was mean to her and refused to do everything possible to heal...
Quote from: JoanneB on November 29, 2015, 10:24:04 AM
If you aren't planning on taking any immediate steps towards transitioning, rather just wanting to sort things out in your mind first as to where you might be or feel comfortable in the broad spectrum of transgender, I would try to see a for real gender therapist first. Or, at least one who is somewhat TG knowledgeable. A TG support group is also a great place to start between getting leads on local therapists and for.... support. I was totally blown away the night of my first meeting. Seeing and hearing other people in real life whose stories are similar to yours is amazing.
It's tough for me to disappear in secret like this... I work from home and she has so many appointments for PT, Chiro, massage, I randomly have to baby sit the kids... My interests always have lower priority since she has the "I have pain" card that trumps everything... so if she has an appointment, I most of the time have to cancel my stuff to baby sit if the sitter isn't available...
When the pain was out of control this year, I started to go see a therapist, but I couldn't really hide it for long, she's so persistent with her questioning, and she *hated* me going to see him... because she knows her management of the condition is not what the docs recommend...
Quote from: JoanneB on November 29, 2015, 10:24:04 AM
Now, if you feel you are a member of that club, then the sooner you tell your wife the better. Just know the answers to a few basic questions she'll have first like The Plan, When? What about her? The Kids? The divorce, or not?
That's what is so horrible about the whole thing... tell and potentially face a sh_t storm from every direction... or not tell and face that sh_t storm in my head forever...